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The Covetown Gazette; The Least Biased Newspaper In The World

Missing; "Lucky"
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An illustration of the most likely fate of the dog.

Cove was not really surprised shocked this week when a small dog went missing from its owner's front steps after reportedly biting a strange man's finger. While the fate of the dog, ironically named 'Lucky', is unknown, the fact that a straw hat was left on the steps where it formerly resided has led many to believe that Lucky is the latest victim of the notorious 'Hats'.

Vesperians Hold Animal Cruelty Festival; Casualties Unknown
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Vesperians; Menace To Animalkind?

This weekend was a grim day indeed for the world's animal population, as the people of Vesper held their annual Festival of Creatures. Curious, Mr. Linaeus Blackwind of the Gazette attended this festival. What he saw there was nothing short of hilarious horrifying.

In one event, the Vesperians pitted pairs of gorillas against one another in savage fights  to the knockout death. In another, innocent people were challenged to wrestle alligators, risking life and limb for gold. Sergeant Grayner of the Covian Army found his head between the jaws of one of the beasts and only narrowly escaped. The alligator reportedly escaped the fight with several chipped teeth and a cracked jaw. Most horrifying of all, the third event pitted men against a gigantic, wytchcraft-spewing beetle. Mr. Blackwind was bullied into facing the beast, and barely escaped with his life! One by one, people stepped into the ring, only to be trampled by the enormous insect moments later.

Among the concussed were several apes, alligators, Skarans, one Covian Sergeant, and a colony of ants crushed underfoot as Mr. Blackwind fled for his life from the evil beetle.

Interview With Commander Morana

During the Festival, Mr. Blackwind had the pleasure of sitting down to speak with the Covian Army's Command himself. While the conversation was very enlightening, very little was learned from it. Commander Morana dodged several questions about the recent crime wave, calling it "more of a ripple," and, when asked if the investigation was making any progress, stated that "[They're] not going to divulge how [they're] getting on." When asked if the Army had any suspects, he replied that they had a resounding "few."

"But the buggers best watch their step." Morana concluded.

Next the conversation moved to the recent trial in Yew. Morana stated that the "The Yewish taking the law into their own hands nay surprises him." When asked about the fate of Regular Valentine, the Commander stated that he did not know his current status nor whereabouts, but that the Covian Army is doing everything in its power to ensure his safe return. Morana further stated that the last thing on Cove's agenda is war with Yew, despite recent events.

- Linaeus Carolus Blackwind; Reporter, Editor, Printer

(OOC Note: The names in the journals in screenshots are not IC knowledge under any circumstances. This newspaper is liberally tossed about on the ground and front steps throughout town the morning after it is printed, and the stories in it are IC information. The names mentioned -in the text- may be treated as IC information.)