Welcome to Cove

The Covetowne Gazette - The World's Least Biased Newspaper

By picking up this paper you have agreed to pay 25 crowns to Linaeus Blackwind the next time you see him. This is not a joke. Artistic license assumed with all sketches; believe at your own risk. The Gazette is not responsible for emotional, physical, or financial harm inflicted by the reading, posession, or, in rare cases, burning of this pamphlet.

Covians Breach Gazette Contract

See above.

Shocking news has reached Gazette officials that the contract agreed to by the picking up of this pamphlet has been violated by a disturbing 99.999999% of Covians. "This," an impartial and completely unbiased source within the Gazette staff whose salary absolutely is not paid by this income said, "is completely unacceptable."

"They're blatantly breaking the law!", said a local banker.

"Deadbeats." remarked an accountant.

"I dont see why I should have to pay for a stupid pamphlet that just tells me what I already know!", cried one perifidious purveyor of falsehood and deceit whose opinion is neither wanted nor even considered reliable.

In other news, this absense of payment has been mentioned as a possible cause of the once again late publishing of the Gazette.

Orcs Muck About, Promptly Kicked In Teeth

Reports have been coming in all week of a moderately sized group of orcs that have been attempting, and failing, to ravage the town for days now. Sources state that they are consistently thwarted at every turn, be they attempting (and failing) to trade peacefully - which resulted in a hostage situation - or engaging in a homicidal rampage.

Orcs, being a rather unintelligent race, are commonly known for their inability to think about anything except mating, violence, and money. It is a wonder, then, that the Orcs are able to gather into groups of such size without simply killing one another over the latest bounty.

Reported incidents of Orc-related violence in and around Cove include several attempts to kill Mercenaries for no apparent reason, countless demands for tribute (most commonly resulting in repeated kicks to the oral cavity), and a handful of assumedly well-planned but nevertheless unsuccessful attempts to do something relatively intelligent like establish trade.

Orcs - repeatedly failing at everything they do.

Vesper Apparently On Brink Of Civil War

Sources, namely Sergeant Grayner, within the Company have stated that the Republic of Vesper is on the brink of Civil War after an unspecified series of assumedly horrendous offenses by someone or another. Unfortunately, not much else has been learned about this apparently imminent conflict except that Chancellor Van Cocidius and Militia Captain Escaflowne are apparently at odds.

In keeping with its outstanding ethical guidelines, the Gazette will refrain from speculating on the matter, except to say that, if war breaks out, it will certainly be the fault of some manner of cunning trick being played by the Loyalists to pit the Rebels against one another.

Vesper - Apparently At War With Itself.

- Linaeus C. Blackwind, Editor in Chief, Reporter General, Primary Publisher,
                                      Writer, and Distributor.
                                     The Covetowne Gazette

- Aided by Lucius I. Edwards, Reporter and Crier.

(OOC Note: The names in the journals in screenshots are not IC knowledge under any circumstances. This newspaper is liberally tossed about on the ground and front steps throughout town the morning after it is printed, and the stories in it are IC information. The names mentioned -in the text- may be treated as IC information.)