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Tuesday, 5th June

It's been... about a month since I returned back to duty. I must admit, the past few years have been a torture... Both physicaly and mentaly. Vierna and her feckin' twats of drows have been chasing me all over bloody Sosaria! They won't dare to attack me or Pickles in Cove though. Vierna is strong, but not daft.

Yet... I find myself scouting the borders everyday. I don't care much about those Vesperians or Yewians. But I'll shoot every god damn drow that looks any suspicious at all. I won't allow them to take Pickles or me back into slavery.

And Pickles... oh my sweet, green haired Pickles... I can understand that she needed some time for herself. It was hell for her. But... when she told me that we should see other people... Well, I didn't admit it, but feckin' hell, I could feel how my heart bursted in my chest. Then she told me that she's meeting that lad Declan.

I hate him! I hate him so feckin' much! I met him... Promised that son of a bitch, if he'd ever hurt Pickles in any way, that his head is on my target list - and missing will not be an option.

Pickles would love if he and I would be nice to each other. Can't promise that. That bloody cretin does not know how lucky he is to have her. He doesn't deserve my sweet Pickles.

And all that because she went after blackrock... That stuff killed... her.

I miss you, my mouthy, always bad-mooded cousine. You died at such a young age. Just because you wanted more and more power. There's this new lass, she has a similiar name as you. She's not anything like you though...

Oh well... I guess I scribbled enough today. The doctor told me that this might help with my stress syndrom. But for now, it's back to keeping Cove - and Pickles - save.

Friday, 8th June

I've been drinking last night in Stonekeep. At least I acted like I got wasted. Ilyana always told to leave behind a false impression on possible backstabbers to leave them in a false sense of secureness. And yeah, they totally bought my acting.

But something caught my attention. It smelled like fire, coming from the east. I ventured there, mostly on hope to find that son of a bitch Declan. I can not stress how much I hate this guy. I layed for a long time, lurking and hoping he'd pass by, so my bolts could pierce his weak flesh.

(https://i.imgur.com/chvfvIn.png)

However, something else happened that night. That mad baron of ours is a bloody troublemaker, buy I like how it turned out. We're not on the edge of war with Vesper, allied with Yew. Even though that means a lot of scouting for me and my men, I'll also be working a lot with Pickles. She already grabbed my arm a few times and... came really close to her.

I love her... My sweet, green-haired Pickles. Maybe I can use these trying times to make her understand how I feel about her, that I'm not willing to let her go so easily. But for now, there is duty to be done.

Saturday, 9th June

Bloody feckin' hell, Baron... I know it's my duty to scout enemies... But why has it to be Vesper? That stench of fish is gonna accompany me for weeks!

I've been two nights and two days in this city. I disguised myself as a fisherwoman. Coloured my hair with a paste I made from wild fruits and herbs. Also added some fake facial make up. No one suspects a thing!

However, Vesper seems to be on the edge. I haven't seen a single redguard nor a member of the Trading Company. A few citizens, but no one of interest. The Baron is gonna kick me arse if I don't hand him a report soon.

Oh well, at least I haven't seen that other son of a bitch. I don't know if he stays in Vesper or ran back to Yew. My personal favourite would be if Vesper had caught him and imprison him for being from Yew. But I doubt it. Vesperians are after all useless.

I've returned home about an hour ago. Ilyrana handed me a black staff. I think it's the one Ilyana got from Keres when she became Commander. Guess I will hand it over to Facey, as she can't...

Now, I want to try and wash myself clean. I smell like a pile of fish. Too much to be okay!

Sunday, 10th June

Yesterday evening was quite interesting. The baron started with the promotion as usual, promotions here and there, until suddenly the bell rang. To our surprise, Vesperians had tainted our soil, including the bear guy Escaflowne.

The baron, Sanderson and Morana had a chat with them, while I stood guard. Also some weird senior grenadier popped up. I think his name was Ahmed? I'm not sure though. But he's a weeeird guy. Looked all over the library for some kind of sugar? I have really no idea what he put in his mouth, and I don't really want to know, as he offered me to try it - the same thing he kept chewing on for five minutes. Gross!

The negotiations with Vesper ended as expected. The Vesperians left and our baron with the Sanderson and Morana stood at the balcony boo'ing at them.

However, Sanderson told us afterwards, that there was an attack on Vesperian buildings? Or at least they claim it. I didn't notice anything and I was walking around the damn city. Probably just propaganda.

Corporal Sanderson went with us to Tokuno to stab some fan dancin' women. She's a damn fine lass. Very handsome. ~~Quite sexy indeed.~~
It was around this time when Pickles showed up. Oh I missed her. Her smell. Her jingly cap.

(https://i.imgur.com/cUlXb7l.jpg)

We went to the Kind's deer in Stonekeep for a drink. And of course! Bloody feckin' knew it! Declan, that general nuisance and Lady stealer showed up! Put a jar of milk in front of Pickles like he knows it all. I could have smashed the bloody stone table in two when he stood there like this smug son of a bitch he is. I know, I know... Pickles would love it if we'd get along. Luckely, she had to take care of recruit Eason who was doin' laps because he and Pickles apprentice don't like each other, so I was able to make it very clear again to Declan, what I think of him. And of course that rat snitched it to Pickles. He doesn't know her like I do. Things like that just worry her. He could have played along and act like we're kind of getting on together. But no. He chose to make her sad.

I had to promise Pickles to try my best. For her sake. I'll love her, no matter if she is with him or not. But... I can't make her sad. I apologized to her, for making her feel uncomfortable. Asked her if I could kiss her on the cheek. She said no, just offered me a hug. It kinda felt like she was stabbing my heart with a dagger. But... I guess she couldn't offer more, with that son of a bitch only two feet away from us.

I pressed her close to mine. Just to feel her heartbeat. Getting tickled by her soft hair. And making a memory of her sweet scent. I can use this memory as long as I'm disguised in Vesper... If only she'd return my feelings.

Evening of 11th June, Final Entry

I decided that this would be my last entry. Writing about my feelings is not the Covian way and... it hurts. Besides, writing is for recruits and arcanists.

I found a picture my cousine drew when she found out that Pickles and I were engaged. It's cute, and Ilyana was very happy when she found out. She seemed even happier than on her own wedding.

Heh. If she'd be still here and knew of Declan, she'd talk some sence into Pickles. Or just making up a reason to put a bounty on him to burn him at the stake.

I may not have my beloved Pickles back, but... at the very least I got this picture to cherish on memories...

(https://i.imgur.com/vrPz9Qe.png)

Saturday, 16th June

I know, I know, I've said it'll be the last time I'm writing my diary...

But something great happened the last couple of days! It all started when I found this weird scroll. I knew it would be of interest for Pickles, so I ran around like a madman, trying to find her. I told her that I'd have no idea what it is and she should take a look at it. Well, I sort of knew what it was... I think...

Anyway, she was very happy about it and gave me a kiss on my cheek. I can't describe the warmth that overcame me when she did. Gosh, she's just way too cute.

And now yesterday, I beckoned her to come with me before I went to bed and also gave her a kiss on her cheek, joking to share a bed with me. We both laughed and... She even stroke my arm up and down. I swear, my heart pumped like... I dunno... What's a good comparison? Getting hunted by a dragon? But... Without the fear. I just felt happy. Maybe there's a chance for me that she'll come back to me after all.

When I say her I love you, I want her to understand it's true. When I say her forever, I want her to know I'll never leave her. And when I say her goodbye, I hope she won't cry, cause that will be the day I'll die.

I can't wait to show her the place I was talking about... I hope she'll like it there.

Sunday, 17th June

I just arrived home, lying in my bed. It's way too empty...

Corporal Sanderson ordered us to go into the Underworld. Bloody twisted my ancle down there so I asked to leave early. Hope the others come home on one piece, already lost a grenadier to the worms. Pity.

I hope my sweet Pickles manages to stay up. I could never forgive myself if something happened to her while I am gone. Not again! It's bad enough she had to endure torture by them feckin' drows. But I got her out of there... that's all that matters now.

I took her hand earlier and she squeezed it. Every touch by that gorgeus woman... feels like it cures every scar on my heart... The way she talked to old Eason... It's exactly that kind and loving character of hers I so deeply love. The church may say compassion is a false virtue... But eh, I've never felt the churchs codex, so who cares! I want to be like her. I want to care for others.

Speaking of old Eason... He has changed. Nowadays, he looks like a shadow of his former self. Poor man... He has seen a lot. And now it seems... his age got the best of him. I think Ilyana called that state dementia? Brain gets all mushy, those affected act strange and live in the past. Literally.

I wish there was something I could do to cure him. But I fear only death will set him free. As that day will eventually come, I swear to treat him with the respect he deserves, just like Pickles.

Monday, 18th June

I watched the play of Rage of Raaz earlier this evening. A cry everytime... Pickles, and to be honest, all of them, made a damn fine job of acting. But Pickles was just flat out sexy.

(https://i.imgur.com/eaiwrPM.jpg)

Though I must say Kobra's painkiller are helping with... well, the pain... they also make my head completely fuzzy. I don't know what he all mixed in there, but that could bloody lay a horse on its feet.

Sweet Pickles helped me lay down at the Goblin. Even when on drugs she's beautiful. But then... HE came. Declan again... You know, I was trying to play nice. Eason junior told me some fairytale of letting her go. Bha! I'd never. The last time I've let her go, she... No. Not doing it again. I'm staying beside her no matter the obstacles... Even if she'd choose... him... I've sworn to protect her.

I. Will. Not. Break. That. Promise.

So yeah, there I sat, at the bar. Kind Pickles if I've felt better and aye! I did! He couldn't hold back a witty reply to which I roled my eyes. I tried to be good, I really tried. But ghu! He's was provoking me on purpose. Then he formed a ring out of wax, placing a ruby on it and wordless presenting it to me. Another provocation.

Pickles is not dumb. She asked us both for a talk. Declan went aggressive on me. He said I didn't even have a say in this. He doesn't understand that these feelings are mutual. I told him he doesn't care about her. He knows nothing about her, he even missed her play. He said where I've been on the casting. I WAS FECKING SHOOTING DROWS AT BORDERS! That's what I told him!

(https://i.imgur.com/82J6xeA.jpg)

Pickles... ceased our fight. She said... She couldn't choose between us... Yet. So she chose neither. I cried. I still cry. Declan seemed rather pissed. Pickles asked us to give her some space for now. I will. I don't want to force her to anything. If she chooses me, it should happen because she wants to. Not because any other reason. Declan... I don't know. He went to talk private with her. I don't know what they talk about. But he may have shouted at here... Why does love have to hurt so much...

Thursday, 21st June

I guess I'll only write a short entry today... I haven't seen Pickles the past three days. Not because I didn't want to... But she needs some time for herself now. And even though I bloody miss her, it has to be. She needs a lot to think through...

I haven't seen Eason senior in a while as well. I hope the old man's doing okay. That other guy tho, Senior Tiberius... First, I keep running into him whenever I am at Luna or Haven, and yesterday, I saw a random portal opening at the barracks. Curious as I am, I stepped through and found myself with other Covian guardsmen in an orc mine. And guess what, bloody Tiberius was there as well, leading a party along with Gimbly, Kazami, Tereleigh and Aylmer. I should have taken a break, but... I get all rusty when I can't run around, so I decided against my own health and stabbed a few orcs.

Poor Tiberius... I don't know what happened to him and Gimbly... He seems to have flashbacks of the past. There must have been a time where he had lost some men on duty. Maybe even back then when Cove only had a militia. I know definitely how he feels... Loosing people you like... People closer than father and mother... I still get flashbacks from the time I was enslaved by drows. All the humiliation, all the pain... I can't even think of how Pickles must feel from time to time. That poor woman has gone through a lot during that time... All them feckin' drows will pay with their life for what they did to her! The more I'm in awe how much she manages to stay so strong and joyful. She really is a fighter.

And... then there are other people... Kal... Even though Sergio was my mentor, it was Kal who has thought me a lot. He's been dead for so long now. It was nice from Ilyana to lift his, Brennas and Kazamis banishment. I wish she had come to sence much earlier, maybe she'd be still with us.

Now I wonder... Did Abi ever realize that Ilyana is no more? Maybe... I should tell her. She can take it. It's not like she'd dabbled into dark magic to bring her back... Right..?

Monday, 26th June

I've been a bit lazy lately writing down my ~~petty~~ feelings...

I finally found the courage to speak with Pickles again a few days back. I asked her to come along, and kind hearten as she is, she came along. I took her to a place in the northern woods of Yew. Couples often marry there. And boy, she was very confused about the location. Heh. I told her not to worry, I just like the place. It's calm... It's pretty...

So I told her again, that I will let her some space, time to think - and no matter what or how she decides, that I will always have her back. She seemed to be very relieved by that, as she came in to hug me. My heartbeat raised so fast, I'm sure she felt it. That lovely body of hers so close to mine... That sweet scent of hers... Truly arousing...

In other news, I had to tell Abigail about what happened to Ilyana. Poor thing. Her ignorance must have been a bliss. All these years, she just thought Ilyana retired and was sunbathing somewhere in the colonies. ~~Absurdly enough, Ilyana was never fond of too much sunlight. She always said it makes her dizzy.~~

So Pickles and I tried to tell her. Poor Abi was heartbroken. She hugged as both and cried like I've never seen her before. But... Something strange happened... Pickles and Abigail... They both talked about bringing her back? It seemed very confusing to me. I still don't understand how and what they are planning... I might write down a few lines when everything is clearer in my mind...

Abigail left, and Pickles and myself were alone again. I was very nervous. I stuttered, I blushed. I wished her goodnight, but... My feet refused to leave. I was just standing at the door, gazing at her, hoping she'd call me back. I saw it on her face. She was nervous too. Sucking in her teeth, biting her lips.

I admire her, every tiny inch of her. I was close to go in and kiss her. I know she wouldn't have rejected me at that point. But... I didn't. I promised her to leave her some space. It was an emotional moment, and when we kiss after so long, I want it to be not out of affect, but because we are both clear in our mind. I'm sure she understood.

So I left the arcanist tower. And went back on my routine to scout our borders.

Saturday, 30th June

I prepared the past days for the Covian baths, had a carpenter building the tubs and walked up and down the whole day to fill them with water. Eh, probably not very good for my foot. But to be honest, it feels better already. Kobras balm and medicines helped wonders. Got to thank him when I see him.

(https://i.imgur.com/BlXbz9U.png)

A handful of people actually came, so the effort wasn't in vane. I hoped to take a glance at Pickles, but... She didn't show up. Sadly...

I did notice though that Tiger Pants Mori and Riker Vaklu glanced at me multiple times, checking my chest and butt. Heh. They're definitely barking up the wrong tree here.

(https://i.imgur.com/6nGoLw0.png)

Also that gal Tingleith has returned to our troops. Nothing new to me. I noticed her displeasure with the redguards for a while. Scouted on them a few times. She didn't fit in with them. Does she fit in with Cove though? I think... She was trying to hit on me? I didn't know she's into women. I've never thought about her like that to be honestly.

I ignored her advances on me. My heart belongs only to one lass. The time of whoring around have been put to a stop the moment Liz kissed me the first time.

(https://i.imgur.com/Bqo8m8n.png)

I hope to see Liz soon again... Words cannot describe how much I miss her...

Monday, 2nd July

"Old love lies deep", they say. And boy, that is true. Pickles and I kissed. I've never felt so happy in a long, long time.

But from the start!

As we intended, we went to Terort Skitas. Liz and I led a small force, mostly recruits and other young blood. We did find several journal entries and notes about an ancient wizard that meddled with shard travelling.

Abigail and Liz will look further into this. For me, it just seems like a huge danger to meddle with powers we do not understand. I could care less for anyone, but I don't want Liz, or Abi for that matter, to get hurt. I know, they want to bring Ilyana back for all cost, but... "The person you are looking for is not the one you knew", the journal stated. Will she recognices any of us? I don't know.

Liz promised me to be careful and not taking any risks. I trust her, but I'm not sure if I should buy that. She's always been a curious one. Curiousity killed the cat... curiousity killed Ilyana.

I guess I can't change her mind, so I just make sure she takes no harm.

We exchanged a bit... she gave me a peck on my cheek, as the blood rushed through it. She turned her back on me, but I could sence she was smiling, so I laid my hand on her waist, as she patted my arm. I gave her also a peck on her cheek, until I eventually leaned in for a kiss.

She returned it. But I apologiced. She just smiled and said everything is okay. We kissed again... two more times. My heart still beats like I've run two hours straight and I can't stop grinning.

I did not go home that night. I climbed upon a near tree and kept guarding the arcanist tower. And stay in her presence.

Also, apologice dear diary... no scetches today. Some things are best left for a personal memory than a visual.

Wednes... I think?

I woke up... in the barracks? I remember being at an art class, packing up... herbs?

Got bored of that, so I started drawing... There was... appereantly some situation. Morana and... Kobra I think? Yes. It was Kobra... they arrested several people. Morana told me bring Rex Richter to the cells.

I may have shot him, so Sally and I had to drag him along.

Then... I think he tried an escape over the barracks roof. Bloody lunatic dragged me with him. Landed right on his fat body. Kobra said I broke my foot. Bloody hell... He patched me up, I remember huge pain and loud cracks. I passed out, I think.

Now I'm awake... Got to help Abi and Liz tho... I think... that's next night? I must get up then and help...

I still have the drawing I made... It's Liz and me... happily sharing time together. I hope... I can re-life this again in future...

(https://serving.photos.photobox.com/29418898e3c1e466dd206fbd1bd4421967fc7adf5ddc0fa42a80af74a66509f144edaa2d.jpg)

Sunday, 7th July

Just a few words today...

First off, my foot still hurts. But at least I can walk with Kobra's device.
I saw Declan today. I don't know what he was doing in Cove, but... well... I actually I know. He came to see Liz. She didn't really gave him a glance tho. I think she decided for me. She's so gorgeus, I will love her until we're old and grey and saggy. Never leaving her again!

The crazy baron promoted two lads to scouts. That's something! Finally got a squad to lead!

That potential grenadier led a training. Honestly tho, it was just an excuse of grenadiers to beat our arses. Was not happy about it and clearly showed it. Feckin' grenadiers... think they're so tough. In the woods, these fools would be useless.

Oh well... I told Liz to take care of herself tomorrow... I know she will. I'm so bloody nervous I won't be able to sleep. I love her. Please... let her be okay...

Wednesday, 11th July

They did it! They actually did it! Them crazy arcanists managed to snatch an Ilyana from another shard. Even one with a similiar history as my passed cousin!

But... I couldn't lie to her. The arcanists said we want to keep it a secret to her, that she isn't... "from here"... Besides, there would be no point. She was able to read through me like through glass. I told her how she died. And she told me how I died... Appereantly I took my life because of guilt? That I felt responsible for the death of a loved one? It must be Liz... She didn't give me any details... I don't think I really want to know more.

As much as I love my cousin, she does worry me a bit. She seems less insane than my cousine, but... I noticed she mouths back way quicker than the Ilyana I knew. Her stubborn head will get her and others in trouble again, for fecks sake. I'm not sure that would be wise. She said she'd tried to hold back, but... then again, she told me she mouthed at a Besieger for calling Pickles a wytch. While I agree that it's insulting to Liz, Ilyana or any arcanist for that matter, she should be cautios. She might stirr up the arcanists to mouth back more, which will result only in trouble. It is one thing if she fights with those backwashed sheephuggers, but if she does the same with a Covian templar... oh boy...

I must say though... Ilyana has some neat tricks up her sleeves. Out of different herbs, she made a paste that handled both the swelling as the pain in my foot. I can walk again without trouble. Just running is still a bit painful.

She asked me questions about Liz and myself. I didn't tell her that we went seperate ways and just slowly coming closer again... With that flaming temper of hers, she might just worsen things. Either forcing Pickles to something or burning Declan to a crisp. As much as I dislike him, I don't want that. It'd just hurt Liz...

I decided that I have to tell her again that I love her. And that I want us to be a couple again...

Friday, 13th July

I came to watch Gregor Easons re-enactment of the Kaldorian wars. It was very interesting to see how the lots battled each other and showing us the great horror that this war was. I was too young to remember it all. All I remember is fear, the smell of blood in the air, and countless bodies plastering the ground in and around Cove.

Eason himself seemed a bit bit more clearer. I hope this helped him get the trauma off his head and gave him... peace.

(https://i.imgur.com/OsxIdsO.jpg)

Afterwards, Liz took us on a little hunt. And then... I finally got some time with her alone again. I took all my courage and told her how I feel. That I love her. That I want to be hers and she to be mine. She loves me too and there is nothing that could make me happier. But she wants to take things slowly, which I can understand. It has been much for us both the past years.

We're slowly coming together again. This time, for ever I hope.

(https://i.imgur.com/RoNjViJ.jpg)

Saturday, 14th July

Four days! Four fecking days! That's how long my good for nothing cousin managed to behave and not stirring up shyte!

Bloody fecking hell. I know her intentions were good. She just wants to protect the arcanist squad at all cost. Even though she hasn't met Veldrin, when she heard of how the templars tortured and beaten her, she was furious. After all, she knows how it is. Bloody templars have tortured her as well, just for being a spellcaster.

Well, I tried to speak with the Initiate she fought. Both sides are absolutely unable to think about the other. Ilyana doesn't understand that the church will not tolerate an arcanist calling them out on their horse shyte and her provocations.

The Initiate does not understand that there are reasons why Ilyana acts like that and a bloody pyre right next to the church is a clear provocation.

The Initiate seems nice tho, so I gave him a heartfelt warning not to try to arrest Ilyana, as she will most likely not hesitate to kill him if he does. He sees her as dangerous for all of Cove, not just the church. He couldn't be more wrong. One thing I have to give her credit for is her unwavering loyality to the Baronship, its citizens and its army. I told the Initiate to contact either Morana or Grayner, to avoid bloodshed. She will listen to them and show reason.

Now I got to get prepared! There is still space for another trophy on my shelf. Hopefully I'll see Liz for the hunt.

Sunday, 15th July

So I took the men to a trophy hunt tonight. It was doomed from the start... Undisciplined recruits and a child weren't the best troops to take on such a strong foe. I called the hunt off after it was clear that people might die. I could not live, knowing I'm responsible for a childs death.

We went home through Chaos and got seperated again. After the others ran away from a dragon, Liz and I were on the other side of the bridge. I didn't worry too much about us tho. We make a good team and excellent survivors. Despite the odds against us, we all managed to get home. A bit bruised and burned, but alive. I pecked Liz on her cheek and wished her goodnight.

When I arrived home, I could hear Ilyana cry. Poor Ily... she must slowly realice what happened to her. She lost most of her comrades and friends, fighting an unstoppable curse. I know I would fall into despair...
When she noticed me, she wiped her tears and tried to smile at me. We didn't say anything. I just hugged her and let her cry some more.

She took care of my wounds and ordered me to rest. Not in an aggresive way... all the more caring and gentle. Despite all her issues and her short temper, she has a good heart and is a true follower of the Virtue of Compassion. It doesn't matter if the Northern Chapter sais it's a false virtue...

It sucks that I can't join the parade tonight and therefor, unable to see my beautiful Liz. I'm sure Ilyana will enjoy herself tho.

Monday, 16th July

I had a nightmare last night. I don't know what it means... But I'm shaking. I was writing a log in this twisted dream. This is what I wrote in the log. Fragments, time passed quickly. Was this Ilyanas future?

"We didn't sleep. No-one had slept. Not for three days, not since the black death in the western ranges. Not since the nightmares began.
Violent and twisted night terrors. They whisper to us, tempt us, threaten us, beguil us. They promise terrible things in return for even more terrible acts.
My love, Liz, went to Abigail to find a doctor who might help. She should have returned yesterday. I fear for her. I fear for all of us."

"It has been a little over a week since the black death.
My love had not returned and sickness now sweeps through our village. Many have died and those that lived have... changed.
These were folk we once called neighbour and friend. Now they limp and stagger through the night, their deformities as grotesque as the madness in their eyes."

"The moon was full the night of the black death. It is full again.
They have come for me. They have come for my friends. Torrak called out while the others skulked and muttered in the darkness. Ilyana went to them, arms open, welcoming. The nightmares told her to.
Kelly tried to stop her. Torrak crushed her skull with his hammer. I barred the doors and windows but they screamed like monkeys and beat themselves bloody trying to get in.
I had no choice. I took two children and fled through the cellar, following the tunnel to the mill.
All we can do is hide and hope. Avatar help us."

"Three moon cycles gone now, since it all began. Perhaps I am the only one who still looks upon the sky, who remembers their name. Soon, I will be gone and the moon will go on, alone.
My love has returned and she hunts for me. My dead love hunts me. Ilyana too, and Kelly. Corpses rise and walk and feed. My friends, they walk now... and feed.
Avatar has forsaken us. The moon is my witness. Tonight, I return to my family."

Monday, 16th July evening

I felt very drained today. Still do. These nightmares have shaken me up. I hear Ilyana crying a lot lately.
She told me that she thinks about her deceased friends a lot. Now seeing them all back to life, and being unable to tell them how she missed them... it's hard for her. I hope she won't break.
I told her about my nightmare.

Asked her if it does sound familiar. She became pale, even paler than usual. She told me that the plague in Yew was never contained on her shard. And it spread across Sosaria.
I saw the horrors it caused. The grotuesque deformations, the madness.

Ilyana also fears about the church. After all these years, she tries to stand strong against it. She calls them out on their preaches. But I know deep down, she fears them. She fears what they could do to arcanists, to women.

On another note, I found some more time to draw. That drug den had one plus point, and that is I found my inspiritation.
Of course, it is my beloved Liz. She's as gorgeus as she's always been. She's even prettier as she was. I want to stay beside her, support her. She is my one, my true love.

(https://i.imgur.com/H4pB7Vw.png)

Tuesday, 17th July

I had another nightmare. I was in the same place I was last night. Writing, seeing the horror the plague could have brought. Ilyanas world was truly a mad one.

I wrote in a book in hope that someone would remain. Someone may have remembered.

The sun is an orb of blood. Twisted twilight shrouded my eyes. The air reeked of anguish. Cove had plunged into nightmare.
The lass who served me ale now writhed on the floor. She ranted of visions she alone could see, as writhing red tentacles grew from her face, as if her eyes had been seeds waiting to sprout. She became quiet, now, the lass. No more cackling and screaming. Dead.

Of my fellow scouts, only two lived. The others had fallen. Their blood was everywhere. The survivors... their skin shriveled and greyd to the hue of necrosis. Their body flared with unholy lustre. Their eyes... black as... hatred.

A rat... it twisted off a corpse's head... gnawed at skull like dog. My head... visions clawed at me... Thinking burned! I saw... horror, envyed the mute corpses at my... feet. Words flayed me... fled me. All was madness...

What do these nightmares mean? Why do I have them? Do the arcanists have them? Does Liz?

Is this Ilyanas presence? Maybe... her past... somehow reflects on me... I feel... sad... Sick. I need... to find... a way to go on...

Thursday, 19th July

Oh boy... Here we go... Ilyana attacked the Templar. I told him that would happen if he angers her. I feckin told him!
I'm not too worried about punishments to Ilyana... Not even that mad Hugo is dumb enough to set a former Commander on the pyre.
Ilyana chose her path and she's willing to take the consequences.

What worries me more is the presence of someone I thought to be dead: That woman called Mischief. I know she was close to... well, our Ilyana... and Pickles. But I don't trust her. If she gets them into trouble, her head is mine.

As for the nightmares... they stopped. Maybe it helped to sleep outside the arcanist tower, watching over my beautiful Liz. I wasn't able to talk to her... But I feel something troubles her. Is it the church? Is it Mischief? Is she plagued by nightmares as I was?

I hope to catch her tonight... I bought some rare books for her...

Friday, 20th July

Another trophy for the Commander... Damn... I should really get up my arse and go hunting, before it gets any fatter.

It didn't take us long to find good ol' Facey its target, but heh. Glad he suffered from the same issues I did on my last hunt. People not listening and doing whatever the feck they want.

It took us several attempts to bring down this nasty beast, but alas, we were successful. Blasted demon kicked me a few times between me legs. Glad I'm nay lad. Returning home and dragging the bloody chest Hoagie found a few times up and down the barracks stairs, Pickles made an appearance. Sexy and awesome as usual.

(https://i.imgur.com/qoshkOz.png)

We talked a lot after the others went to their usual business. Giggled, kissed, hugged. It's so nice to having her back with me. Even tho she is still a bit shy when there are others around us. Such a sweet, lovely woman. I asked her if I could stay at the Arcanist Tower for the night, as my nightmares seem only to occur when Ilyana is near me. It's a blasted situation... I hope I'll get used to it somehow.
Pickles happily invited me over and led me to the bed. We kissed a few more times, hugged... When she kissed my neck, I... Could have melted. I felt it tickling between my legs. In that very moment, there was so much I could have done with her. It's been way too long since we embraced with each other...

But the sleep took over and I fell asleep quickly. My love went downstairs and read some books. But she checked on me several times, I noticed. Heh. She calls me protective, but she's very protective herself. Such a sweetheart.

I left in the morning and stumbled upon Sergio. He asked me noisy questions about Ilyana. He's onto us, but I kept lying. He wanted to see Ilyana for herself, so I woke her and sent her to the barracks, where they met.

(https://i.imgur.com/0C0DSuQ.png)

Ilyana told me afterwards that she feared he might confess his love to her? It didn't happen, yet he still hugged her. Does he not know she's a married woman? Or is she a widow? I don't know... Haven't seen Lucas since years. But it was certainly confusing for her. It is for me, at least. Also she told me that he wants to apply as Corporal for the Scouts. That he doesn't really trust me?
He thinks I'm too deep with the arcanists, especially Pickles. He does not want to get the scouts corrupted again. Bha! Let him apply. If the other Officers think I'm a threat because of my relationship with Pickles, I'll gladly give my sash in order to stay with my Love.

Monday, 23th July

O where to even begin...

I met Mischief. I knew this would eventually happen. I must say, I did look forward to this. She tried to persuade me to join her Cause, for whatever that is. Appereantly some anti church stuff?

Our meeting started as I expected - with a bragging that reminded me of a pissing contest on who has the better network.
Hers surely ain't bad, but does she really think she has a wider knowledge than me? I have the Light Company at my service, the ears and eyes of Cove. Perhaps she has a more shady network? There are rumours she may have contact to drows...
I don't know well that is established, but... I had my fair share of dealing with those monsters.
I asked Mischief if Pickles joined her. She said no. Good. Appereantly she trusts Mischief, but not enough. Mischief seems to move to quickly against the church, which may suit Ilyana, but not the calm headed Pickles. I, for myself, will go wherever Pickles goes...

Speaking of Ilyana... The church took a step against her. It was a truly saddening scene when she arrived home, before the parade... They branded her on her neck, humiliated her, made her... their slave. Hugo just wants her dead, but he hopes that the circumstances will kill her, so the church does not take reputation damage. Tsk. Bloody Hugo has more of a brain than I thought.
Ilyana... she shouted, cried, cursed, threw fireballs around. She was furious, yet I could see that he broke her. It was not the branding that hurt her. It was the humiliation. Her begging a churchman for forgiveness and working for them stands in so much against her own believes.
She felt dirty, she said. Feeling like she had to vomit. But at least she chose life over death...

I rushed to the arcanist headquarters to check on my Love. With her was Sergio... I only catched the end of their conversation. I could see the anger in both their eyes. The anger at the church. But... what is it with Sergio? First, he almost declares Ilyana his love, now he wants to work with Liz? He treated them, and any arcanist, like dirt the last time I saw him. I don't really understand his true motives... are my sharp sences failing me?

But at the least, I was able to enjoy the Armsmaster Tournament with my Love. I gave her an old love letter I wrote her six years ago. But I was unable to hand it to her when because it was at the time she got kidnapped... All those years, I kept it. I did when I killed Viernas and Faeryls drows. I did when I rejoined the army. Now that we are a couple again... I was able to hand it to her. I hope she likes it.
And I hope I can spend more time with her soon.

Tuesday, 24th July

Met a lot of people. A handful of them were pleasant, but most were just a nuisance...

I went to Vesper to take a nice look at the Regatta. Got some Vesperians glancing at me, muttering and squinting. Heh. I don't blame them. I'd be the same if I saw Vesperians on Covian grounds. But that Garrofi guy seems like a dick.

After the Vesperians set up their tables and I had a little chat with that boy Billy Boots, Yewlanders arrived. I didn't know all of them, except for that fecking Drow, Radish and Raidens little honey pot. Poor lass... I could clearly see she was still in pain, moving slowly on her staff. I went over to offer her help, but damn, that lass is so proud.
I later told her that she mustn't proof anything to the men around. I mean, we all know she's a tough lass. We had a nice little chat, until my Love and Sally came out of a portal.

I invited Pickles over to our table, after she greeted everyone she knew - which were a lot of people. My Love has really come around.
Eventually, a poorly disguised Ting and Gar joined us. I mean... Her disguise per se wasn't that bad... For me, it was obvious it's her, seeing she got accompanied by Gar... They are like pitch and sulfur. But, fecking damnit... How she acted! With her horrible accent of a tokunese woman. She managed to get all attention on her, which made her seem nothing like a scout.
A good disguise is handled best without calling for attention... I heard she shows interest in joining the scouts... Oh boy... So much to learn... Being a scout is more than being sneaky and somewhat capable of disguising yourself...

Oh well, they both eventually strolled around when Escabear had to call the regatta off. Least I still got Pickles with me. When she wrinkles her nose. Looks so cute on her. And speaking of cute... I saw the cutest and fluffiest cat ever! My Love and I tried to snatch it both, several times. My Love took it up, patted it and put in her shirt. It seemed tho neither the cat nor her owner appreciated that. The former jumped out leaving some scratches on her chest, and the ladder shouted at Pickles, claiming she tried to steal the cat.

Radish eventually managed to lure another kitty and handed it over to Pickles. I don't know him well... I only know what he and Madsen did to Ilyana... But personally, I hold no grudge towards him. At the very least, he treats Pickles with respect, which is not often seen by the Yewlanders.

Just when we had a good time, it started to escalate quickly.
Apparently, they found out Ting was just in disguise - miracle - and chased her off Vesper, while taking Gar into custody. Some Vesperians started to surround us, claiming it was our fault that Ting came to Vesper, still claiming we tried to steal the other cat. One of the Vesperians even dared to point a bow and arrow at us. That's where the fun ended! I stood between my Love and the vigilant and threatened her. No one is threatening my Love!
She backed down and got told off by some other Vesperians. At least some of them seem nice... The rest tho... They've just been dicks, especially that Rimeny guy. Sally, Pickles and I went home, and my Love just said "Such a feckin' cunt."
Heh. I love it when she goes angry like that. She's so sweet when she frowns in anger.

Alas, after I was sure that Gar got out and Ting would not step into Vesper again, I pecked my Love goodbye and went home... Just to have another nightmare...

Wednesday, 25th July

I'm pissed! Pissed at so many things!

Yet again, I saw Mischief. Yet again, I rejected to join her. But she told me that she has Pickles on her side. But I had to hear it for myself...

After I joined Tingleiths most... weird hunt... For whatever..? I saw my Love and beckoned her to join me in the Scout Tower...

(https://i.imgur.com/UQwrXz2.png)

I handed her the keys to the Scout Tower and took her upstairs. I told her what Mischief said. She assured me that she only will aid them behind scenes, not putting herself to the front. For one, I'm glad she takes a step back and finally thinks of her own safety for once... But I'm not happy that the person she's aiding is Mischief... Given her reputation, she works with drows.
Avatar knows I hate them. And He knows I will fecking end Mischief or anyone, if there are drows involved and I see my Love or myself at danger.

(https://i.imgur.com/zEkwqrO.png)

My Love... She fears that if things escalate, she might be taken a fly. Vesper, anywhere, really. Just far away from the pyre. I offered her me aid once more. As long as I'm around, I won't allow anyone do her harm. She's happy with it. As Wilkes calls me, I'm Pickles shadow after all. And according to my Love, I'm always at her back. Or side. Or front. Depending on the time of the day.
We kissed a few more times, and I could feel her heartbeat. Something so soothing and... enchanting...

So, why am I pissed exactly?

I'm pissed because of the church. What they did to Ilyana, what they threaten to do to anyone. Women, elves, arcanists, even any guardsman that doesn't obey. I have to work on a plan... Getting a disguise... Propaganda towards the church. Killing them, if necessary...

Sunday, 29th July 2018

I've been hanging leaflets around Cove, speaking about revolution and resisting the tyranny. I just know there are people out there that would love to fight the church, but are afraid to do so. If they know that they are not alone, I'm sure they will be more open about their feelings, perhaps find allies among each other.

Personally, I don't dislike the Avatarian believe. In fact, I try to follow the eight virtues as good as possible and I believe the Avatar existed. But not how the church presents it... They say Compassion is a false virtue, then why did the Avatar teach it to us? Or how they see women as less and arcanists as flat out Guardian Spawn, while the story goes that the Avatar himself has been accompanied by four women himself, of which one was a mage and one a druid. It just doesn't make sense, how Hugo, Siegfried, Vortimer and the rest of these hypocrites act.

In other news, the attacks of the Undead recently is starting to get out of hand. I had to bait them out. Took the men on a caravan to the crossroads outpost, and exactly as planned, them blasted skeletons and other ugly things made their appearance.
I managed to keep the situation under control, and no one got wounded too badly. Except for my two pack horses...

Once we arrived at the outpost, I built a sentry and ordered the men to take some rest, food and drinks. Everyone except Mischief.
I had to make sure about the rumors. She's in contact with Vierna, that blasted queen of bitches! She assured me that she hates Drows herself tho. I could not see a lie in her eyes.

(https://i.imgur.com/Iy3tkiv.png)

After we arrived home, it was time for Mischief, my Love and myself to finally talk together. My Love... She wasn't too happy about it. And she is right. All these meetings together, seen together, talking together... And especially in squad headquarters... It just raises the suspicion. While I think no one bats an eye when my Love comes out of the Scout Tower, or vice versa, myself from the arcanist headquarters... It is Mischief's presence that raises suspicion.
Her intentions may be good, but with a damaged reputation as hers, everyone is right to doubt her.

We all agreed on one thing: We can't continue as we did for now. We needed a neutral, non army place to meet, a better way to communicate, and not use our own names.

We agreed that the new inn in town might be a good position for meetings. It's neutral, and according to Mischief, the owner Carolin is on our side. I hope she's not mistaken...

As for communications, a dead drop was suggested by my Love. An excellent idea! Leave a message with with your alias and check on new messages regularly. It's way safer than meeting in person. Although I'm looking forward to meet my Love more often...

(https://i.imgur.com/74OApqZ.png)

For now, our only job was to look out for people unhappy with the church. Not more, not less...

After Mischief left, I spoke with my Love once more. We both agreed that even though Mischiefs intentions may be good, she is driven by emotion. And acting on that, can be dangerous. If she snaps... Liz and I both agreed to quit at once or find another way, if she does. We can't risk our own life.

I offered Liz to spend the night with me in the Scout Tower, before I gave her a kiss for the night... All the rest, shall be remembered only in my head, rather than a book...

Monday, 30th July

Why, Ilyana... why... You couldn't keep your mouth shut, could you?

She attended the mass as ordered by Hugo. I knew something was fishy, so I took my time on a nearby tree.

And it didn't take long until the the Iniate and Squire took her out of the church, smashed her head to the pole and tied her to it.
She already came out with bloody lips and bruised... What the hell is wrong with these lunatics?!

I put an arrow in my bowstring, ready to take a shot if they should go for the worst. Fecking Hugo... He knew she wasn't going to backdown. He fecking knew she wouldn't confess anything! This is how she wants to get rid of her... Accusing her of crimes, any crime at all, and when she doesn't confess, let his man beat the shyte out of her.

I didn't have to shoot. Ilyana, under the pressure of fire, repent for her attacks. I don't know if she truly repent or just did so under fear... Either way, she's alive...

Still, during the Mass, she got a Visitor. She just dangled there, I could see her spirit was broken. The lass joining her... Someone from the Silent Blades? I could not see her face...

Corporal Sanderson chased her away, keeping her guard over Ilyana, comforting her with words, accompanied by an acolyte who didn't seem to like how Ilyana was treated...

After it all settled and the Yewish sheppshaggers insulted her a few more times, it was time for parade and the trial of Nadia Smith. I sneaked off there, I had to check on Ilyana.

Arriving at the church, she was still tied to the pole. I wanted to release her, but she denied. Said they'd just come after the other arcanists and me eventually. Dangit, Ilyana! Please stop playing the martyr!
I tended her wounds, fed her, gave her water to drink. She didn't say much... I could see... she was at a point of pain. Not physical, but her spirit.

Feck these perverts from the church! Picking on small women! Fer fucks sake, Ilyana is not even 100lbs and they hit her, over and over and over, threatened her, humiliated her!

I promised her to guard her... She didn't speak...

My poor Ilyana...

Wednesday, 1st August

I met Mischief the other night in Umbra. I hate that place. I hate Malas. I hate its people and... monsters.

We talked about Ilyana and her situation... Mischief was full on to get her loose and take her away somewhere safe. This is exactly the shyte I was afraid of. Acting on emotions, ignoring all consequences! Told her if she'd do that, both herself and Ilyana, will just be an open prey for hunts by any member of the church. A return would not be possible for any of them.
And they'd come after me, my Love, Abi, heck, everyone that was ever close to her!

(https://i.imgur.com/6ZlG8RD.png)

She was pissed at how I wanted to tackle the solution. Fine. Let her be pissed. But in a long term, remaining calm and hoping that blasted Hoagie sends his aid to Ilyana soon, it'll be better.

Mischief came to sence. And she's trying to behave. I hope she does. For now, we agreed to do it my way. But if Hugo should re-capture Ilyana again, that she'd take Ilyana away - for good. I won't let that happen again...

(https://i.imgur.com/lUO1Pap.png)

I know I went to the Barons dinner afterwards and then a complete black out. I woke up home, smelling like a brewery and with sand and salt everywhere. What the bloody hell happened last night at the dinner?

With a horrible headache, I went to see Ilyana. Poor lass gets weaker every day, but she told me that she had visitors, both good and cruel.
I fed her, gave her to drink, caressed her... She kept moaning about the heat, so I cut loose the unnecessary clothers. Poor thing got almost a heatstroke. A member of the church, I couldn't see who it was, was glancing down a window from the church. Fecking perverts...

I stayed with her for a while and cleaned and cooled her off as good as possible. I should ask someone from the church if I'm allowed to change her clothes at some time, because she's starting to smell - and I know she hates that... I hope Hoagie releases her soon... Don't let your friend die, Facey!

Friday, 3th August

Ilyana has finally been released... Thanks ~~Facey~~ Hoagie...

She told me she'll be a bit more careful of what she'll do, mostly keeping her distance to trouble and troublemakers. I hope she'll remember that next time she'll feel provoked.

In any way, I gave my Love some jewelry. Emerald earrings and a bracelet. It really charms her hazel eyes. One day I'll put a ring on those fingers...

I took the men... well, mostly women... to Chaos where we went trophy hunting. I got at least two out of the four intended trophies. Not too shabby if I say so myself! Gives me a bit of space from Raiden and the others in the leaderboard.

(https://i.imgur.com/ttwxFEX.png)

Afterwards, it was time for dart tournament. I may have suggested at one point to make it a strip dart, which was in favor of most attendees... Well, I won in easily! Miss Axiana started very slow, but made a huge comeback in the end. Tiberius, that lunatic, got on third place somehow, even though he was drunk the most time.

At least I only had to strip like my quiver and gloves. And my Love, well, bare arms and hands was all she had to show. That's good! I'm very jealous, and I don't really want everyone to see her boobs. But I guess she's always been very open and not really the most humble lass. I love her either way. But I can't stop being jealous... Guess I'll have to live with it, 'cause I most certainly don't want her to change how she is. She's perfect that way.

Some civilian elf lass had to strip in the end, but it seemed she wasn't really trying to win? I don't know. Not the first elf tits I saw, not the last I guess. I prefer to look at one pair of boobs.

(https://i.imgur.com/DeYx8GQ.png)

In the end I won this awesome jingle hat! I can now absolutely relate to my Love why she loves them so much. Every step you take is accompanied by a happy jingle. While it's absolute useless when trying to sneak up on someone, it kind of makes life a bit more joy. And I guess that is needed these days. The more I look at people and spend time with them, the more I see how everyone has his or her own story. Their own packages to carry.

I left early, gave my Love a big smooch and promised her that we can continue to take off clothes in a more private ambient later. Just remembering her beautiful body makes me... Well... Let's net get too deep into that.

Hah... See diary? Too deep into that. I made a pun. Hah...

Sunday, 5th August

I've been avoiding my Love a lot lately... I know the church is spying on me, I just know it. I can't allow that Pickles get dragged in too deep with this shyte. After I've seen what they did to Ilyana... No, Pickles has suffered enough in her life!

Ilyana is slowly recovering. Still eating much, but... I can feel she has changed. She's been crying a lot lately again, when she thinks no one is hearing her... But I always hear her sob... She took off her wedding ring lately and hasn't put it back on. She told me Lucas died on her shard, and I guess, for a while she hoped to see him pop back up here, as he technically never got declared dead here. But he didn't pop up.
He stays away, no trace of his demise. I think Ilyana has given up hope that he will ever return, hence the sobbing.

Love, love, love... It surrounds us all.

Seems like Sherri is single again, I mean, if the rumors were true. Poor Garry got stabbed too many times. Pity. I had high hopes in him. Now he's dead.

Also, someone left me a love letter in my mailbox. I have no bloody idea who it could be, but it's kinda cute.

(https://i.imgur.com/qkCIZY5.png)

(https://i.imgur.com/Oz7LjDL.png)

(https://i.imgur.com/NQvXyph.png)

(https://i.imgur.com/h74b2KQ.png)

(https://i.imgur.com/nBT0arO.png)

I don't think it was Pickles sending me that letter. She'd openly confess it anyway. So whoever wrote it, is really barking up the wrong tree.

I am with Pickles. I only want to be with her. Now and forever.

Tuesday, 7th August

Been sneaking around the barracks yesterday and bumped right into Vesperians. Took my bow out and asked them what the bloody hell they want here.
They asked for the Baron or Commander himself. Cheeky bastards! Because I didn't really want to deal with them personally, I went to Sanderson and Morana in the Goblin - they were absolutely wasted - and told them that we got Vesperian company.
My Love sat among them.

So there we sat. Three Vesperians, the Baron, Corporal Sanderson, Adjutant Shadwell, Captain Morana, while Cadet Keres and Regular Kobra guarded the Baron, and my Love Pickles and I kept our eyes on the Vesperians. And on the tasty cheese at times.

(https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/440641435096580106/476132526155497483/ohno.png)

They asked us for a meeting on Sunday, and a truce until then. Yeah sure. The Baron sent me off to Vesper again, counting their numbers once more and all that shyte.

(https://i.imgur.com/rIFWZVe.png)

So be it. After the meeting, I had a quick talk with Pickles and promised her to return to her. And I gave her a smooch on her mouth, before Sanderson eventually came in. She seemed to drunk when she surprised us that she didn't realize it. Better that way. Although our relationship is not a secret, Sanderson sure doesn't like all this cuddling and smooching on duty...

(https://i.imgur.com/v7SatcB.png)

Wednesday, 8th August

It's all going south so bloody fast.

So I went to check on Pickles this morning before she's sleeping the whole day again, and I could not help but notice that she was worried. So I asked her for a while what the matter is.

She just said "They got Mischief". Bloody fucking hell! At least Pickles seemed okay, other than her being worried more than usual. In any case, I'm glad she is staying calm... As much as possible.

It didn't take me long on how to find out how Mischief got captured. There is always someone, somewhere, that doesn't keep his mouth shut. And to my surprise, apparently Carolin snitched on her. What the bloody hell?! I thought she was on OUR side! That fucking cunt should better not encounter me, as I will most likely give her a taste of her own medicine! That bitch is done for!

If they have Mischief, that also means that my Love and I are also in danger. So I went to check on Mischief...

(https://i.imgur.com/UnO1BDV.png)

Almost no pulse, white eyes... Not responding to anything. In a hurry, I rushed to get Kobra, who was conveniently at the inn.
Dragged him over to the cells, where he took further checks on her.

(https://i.imgur.com/6Bw43X6.png)

I don't know what it all was, that he did to treat her, but it may have saved her life. She's still absent, but at least she's slightly responding.

Did the church do this to her? Was it herself? Either way, the templars are pushing too far. Even if she is a wanted criminal, there is no reason for torture unless approved by an army official. Not even the church should have that benefit of doing it! Especially not in the army barracks!

(https://i.imgur.com/KcROeHg.png)

I need to stay around Pickles... They will come after her or me next, I'm sure of it.

Just come, Hugo... I won't make it easy for you.

Sunday, 12 August

Just... a few lines tonight. I don't feel so well...

I talked with Carolin yesterday... I asked her what the fecking hell her reason was. And she told me. It was fear. Fear of Death...
She asked me if I ever chose the lesser evil of two evils. And I said yes. With a bit of hesitation, I told her about the time when Pickles got enslaved by the Drows. In some way, offering myself to the Drows was the lesser evil.

I could have chosen to do nothing and let Pickles rot. But I chose to sacrifice myself, just so I can be with her each night, after they finished using us as toys. Holding her, singing to her, literally doing anything so she didn't go insane in that hell.

Carolin, altho touched by my story, was still captured by thoughts of guilt. She betrayed a friend... And it still gnaws on her. I hope she can forgive herself...

(https://i.imgur.com/SPoPeem.png)

And today... During parade... I resigned from my position as Officer Cadet. I need to focus on my protection on Cove. The baron sending me to far away lands all the time does not allow me that. Maybe I can go under his sight for sometime. He might send Keres now. Heh.

I chose Love over Rank. I didn't tell the men at the parade, not in those words. But I could see Pickles knew my reason... While the rest of the Covian army boo'd me and the Baron just flinched rank-pin to the floor... Pickles was patting my back.
Altho it hurts to leave my position as Cadet... It's the best way. Leith and Kobra will do a good job... And Pickles finally got promoted to Arcanist Corporal. You do grand, my Love... You deserve it more than anyone else.

(https://i.imgur.com/kMzctUo.png)

Monday, 20th August

I found myself mostly making my nickname as Pickles' Shadow honor... well, being her shadow. The past days, I've been sneaking around, found myself more than once shocking Kobra when I crawled out from under tables, spying on my own men.

I don't do this out of malice, but I always need to be sure what's going on. Find out if there is any potential spy. And of course, I've been around the Arcanist HQ a lot. Being around my beautiful love.

As for yesterday, something beautiful, as well as something terrible happened... First with the terrible...

Poor Ilyana has yet not been released of her "Servant" status of the church. How much longer does he want to keep her? How much more does he want to torture her? While he stopped abusing her physical, he did something far worse to her yesterday.

He ordered her to burn an elven lass. Poor girl... She seemed to be possessed, yes, but... What was it? This seemed to complex for me to understand. The men gathered wood and laid it down at her feet. Ilyana... was handed the torch and she... I saw she hesitated. How could she not? The pyre is the one thing she truly fears. The pyre and Hugo.

I know her as a strong and proud lass. Not when she's around him tho. He broke her. He has her there where he wants her. Why won't you just release her, you perverted feck?!

(https://i.imgur.com/8xKJT7B.png)

She threw up after the mass. Doing to that elven lass what she fears and hates most... Ghu... I left her go home, but I checked later on her. Pale, sad, but mute... I think the trauma gnaws deep in her.

But oh well, there were also nice things. I took my Love to the Shire, where I asked the question of all questions. I was so bloody nervous, but I took all my courage and asked her to walk this life as wife and wife. And she did say yes! To be honest, I did not expect that. At all! I mean, I know she loves me, and that she'd do everything for me. But I also know she's a free spirit and I didn't expect her to... Nah... that's dumb. I should not question her decision. Especially not as I like her decision!

She is my eternal love. And we will be married. I still can't believe it, but there are many preparations to be made.

I wanted to let the other guardsmen know, but... After the pyre... And after Sandersons injury because of cannons. Yes... That happened... It didn't feel like the best moment.

But I will let them know. And it will be grand!

(https://i.imgur.com/K2Hj2Aw.png)

Friday, 24th August

So much to do! Preparing the wedding with my Love, fighting Vesperians! Where are the times for a nap?!

First things first: I've never been more happy. Pickles and I will marry. I still can't believe how lucky I am. I got the rings ready, we sent out the invitations. Just got to decide on a place. Cause marrying in or next to the church. No way, sister! Really not intending to be a part of Primus Noctus or worse.

Furthermore, I'll ask good old Shadwell if he'll officiate the wedding... Because again... No church allowed. Also, I have to think of a Best Man or Honor Maid... Who would have thought that avoiding most people around me would sooner or later be bad for me?!

Pickles has chosen Declan as her Bride's Maid. Heh. Fitting.

Tho, I think I was able to make peace with him. I know he still loves her. How could he not? She's the most gorgeous lass and sweetest spirit in Cove. But he accepts that she chose me, which I am really grateful for.
Besides, it's not like I have the right to say no to Pickles about this. If she chooses him as Maids Bride, then so it is.

And just before I came home today, I met with Mischief. Dang... I hoped it wasn't her who left the note in the Shire. But it is... Lets say our meeting wasn't really a pleasant one. She still wants to overthrow the church. Good for her! My concerns currently are tho to keep my Love and myself alive through this war and then marry that beautiful sweetheart of mine.

Mischief told me many annoying things. Many things I did not want to hear. I drank a potion and sneaked away, leaving her there. But before I promised her that I will shoot her and not allow her to interfere with the situation in Cove, and by that, endanger us once more. Pickles and Ilyana do not need to know that Mischief is still alive. Ilyana would just run off to her, greet her with open arms. And Liz? Well, I dunno. She's clever enough to keep her distance to Mischief, but still...

Saturday, 1st September

Two more weeks until the wedding!

I've been so busy lately, preparing everything that I even forgot to attend the last few battles. However, Ilyana said she'll take care of Pickles for me, and apparently, she did. Pickles came home the last two times without even a scratch. Ilyana might even be better at this than I... Hm...

Anyway! The wedding! My love and I have set on a place, and all the invitations were sent out. But well... We tried to keep it small. But each day more and more people learn of the wedding. Someone must have been very talkative! I hope this won't backfire on us...

I even convinced Shadwell to officiate our wedding. We can't really expect the church to do it, really not.

(https://i.imgur.com/As8B6Gw.png)

(https://i.imgur.com/vBmCBHL.png)

While I'd just go in peace with them at this point, its really their disgust for everything that is not normal in their world that keeps them and us being friends.

Well, so be it. As long as they won't bother me or Pickles, I won't bother them either. Vesper and the undead are more of a threat anyway.

Now I just really need to find a "Best Man"! I keep missing the one I'd like to ask tho... Who'd have thought that years of avoiding making friends would backfire someday!

Tuesday, 4th September

The war is over. Cove was victorious, and all people I care for made it out mostly unharmed.

However... The streets if Nu'jelm still reek of blood, sweat and tears. It's a disgusting smell and sight. Corpses of soldiers from all camps, people I knew and served with - dead, piled up and rotting. But this is war. I've seen it before, I will see it again. Avatar may have mercy on their souls, and their families may understand why the sacrificed their life for Cove.

I attended the Mass last Sunday, like, the first in years. I mostly tried to hide behind my Love, trying to seek as little attention as possible. But in hindsight, this was not really difficult. That Footie from Yew, Art Whatshisname, took once again all eyes on him. He rambled something about a carrot he stole. Hugo showed once again what I despise about the church. Slamming his hammer on the defenseless Footie, just because he felt like his confession wasn't worthy to the Avatar? Over and over and over he beat him, until he went unconscious and even more blood covered the streets.

(https://i.imgur.com/ONzx7u8.png)

Granted, Art seems a bit dumb and very naive, but is that really a reason to punish someone so badly?

Apparently the carrot belonged to my Love? Or did it? I don't really know sometimes with her. She reminds me of Abi sometimes, just doing her stuff as she goes. It's not that I dislike it, not at all. It makes her seem even more cute and I'm happy she is able to be her old self again to a certain extent. And I wouldn't want her any other way.

Not much more after, the Baron himself honored all attending soldiers with a medal for the war. Well, he just laid mine in my hand and said "Give the medal to whoever that Melior is." Bloody fecking hell, Baron. You only get more senile in your days, do you? Oh well. Doesn't matter. Fame is more up Ilyanas alley anyway. I'm happy as long as I can cuddle with Pickles and do my naps every now and then.

What else did happen? Ah yes! I found a "Best Man"! I asked good old ~~Facey~~ Hoagie if he'd be willing to. Yeah, we might have not a super deep friendship, but who else is there for me? Ilyana said she won't come to my wedding. Not out of malice, but I think it just reminds her too much of her fallen husbands. And who else? Pickles is my bride, so, she can't be my Best Man. Or can she..?

(https://i.imgur.com/HZg0v6f.png)

Bha, no. Hoagie is the right choice. As I think now... All preparations are now complete and I'd love to celebrate. I'll got to get some more milk soon then, I suppose. Haven't touched alcohol since the burning of the library in Vesper...Except at the liberation of Nujelm... I've just been drinking too much after my return. But to be fair, the years imprisoned and then hunting drows all alone... It made me feel so out of place being back in the army.

I'm over it though. And it's good the way it is now.

Monday, 10th September

One more week and I'm a married woman. I am starting to get nervous, like, really bad! Is everything prepared? Did I forget anything?

But there are also other things I'm concerned with...

One of those things is fecking bloody Mischief! Somehow, she survived the volcano. I met her once since then and she sent me two letters. She's still fighting the church. I must say, I admire her courage... Or is it madness? It is hard to tell... I just wished she'd leave me in peace with her fight. Aye, I dislike the church. But as long as I don't fight it, they leave me in peace.

Ilyana attacking the Initiate and becoming a slave of the church? Mischief twisted words let her to it!
Pickles getting her face smacked by Hugo? Mischief getting captured and wakening her Compassion!

It all goes back to Mischief, every time! I didn't tell Ilyana nor Pickles that I met her. I know Pickles would understand my reasons... She holds no grudge against Mischief, but she knows that her ways only get herself in trouble...

Ilyana... I think she'd be less forgiving. But even she will see reason eventually.

I hate the brutality the church uses against those they see as heretics or unworthy of the Avatar. But better than fighting them is to just avoid them... Right?

And there is another thing I have to take care of, before the wedding... One burden that follows me since six years. The Lloth Sisters. The insane Faeryl, who was responsible for the capture of Pickles, and Vierna, the calm but at least as dangerous who put me into slavery. I killed many drows, like, a lot! But those two are still out there, and each day, each night, I can never fully rest knowing they could come for us any time again...

I have to take care of them. Once and for all. Even if I am unable to kill them, I will set a way that they either never grasp the thought again to come after us, or I will set them to loose interest in us. Either way works. But as long as that menace is out there... I can not rest. I will find them. And I will kill them!

Friday, 14th September

This... could be my last entry. I'm not planning to, but the foe I'm about to face is powerful, and her presence has plagued me for years.

I helped Elliot to find his sister Hope, Liz' apprentice. She had been kidnapped by some sick feck, who did unspeakable things to her. I wished Elliot would have told me sooner that she is missing. Maybe we could have found her sooner and in the end, her torture would have been less gruesome.

What she goes through... I know it too well. It is not the physical pain that follows you a lifetime. It is the psychological! Being unable to trust people, to let them even near you... Hope seems strong though, and with the love of her brother, she will make it. She is a survivor, not a victim.

(https://i.imgur.com/3wWxdEK.png)

I can't save everyone from the bad things in this world. But I can try to make this world a better place, to extinguish the evil where I can.

One of those evils... I am waiting for her. I've prepared years for this, mentally and physically. I am ready and I will not fail. I must not fail! My goal is simple: Kill this demon and make the world a bit safer for Liz and me.

I know she will come here. She always does. I know this place too well... I told Vale to take care of Liz during my absence.

(https://i.imgur.com/C3Xdfjo.png)

My dearest Liz... I told you I will not leave you again. And I do not intend to break that promise. I will be at your side. Forever.

Saturday, 15th September

I awoke home, my Love lying beside me. How I got here, I can not remember. But I do remember the adrenaline rushing through my veins, pumping my heart and fastening my breathing.

I had been in Malas, at the necromancers arena - a place of my nightmares. And then she came: Vierna, the queen of the Lloth drows. I stepped outside to her view and pointed my bow at her. This fecking bitch did not even remember me! She tortured us for over a year and she had no memories of me. Even more a reason to kill her, for that insult! Used and thrown away like garbage!

I didn't waste too much time with talking to her and quickly started shooting my arrows at her. She reacted quickly and attempted counter attacks. I can not explain what happened, but... I hit her several times, while my feet and body just... evaded her attacks? Well, most of the time. She cut me a few times, but only slight flesh-wounds.

(https://i.imgur.com/Unm7Bqa.jpg)

We fought for a long time, but there was none of us giving up. Although I had the upper hand on her most of the time, I was unable to kill her. But it wasn't needed. I gave her a warning, one final. She would not dare to come to Cove ever again.

(https://i.imgur.com/4xaGSiZ.png)

After so many years... I feel relieved. I finally can be happy again. This nightmare of my past is gone. I can be with Liz without worrying. Finally this old scar on my soul can heal...

Saturday, 22th September

Another day in marriage! I am truly blessed. But there was a... little incident earlier last evening.

Patrolling around the Baronship Household, I got encountered by an elven lass, who said she was looking for me. The colors of her clothes raised high suspicion in me... The deep black and blood red is something usually these bitches from Malas wear. So I led her to the northern Watchtower in the town, always keeping a firm grip on my bow.

(https://i.imgur.com/2p4TV3I.png)

Once arrived, she quickly admitted she was sent by Vierna and as a reply to it, I hastily took an arrow out of my quiver and aimed at her, threatened her to speak fast or die.
To my surprise, apparently the last encounter with Vierna impressed her and therefor, that bitch offered me the protection of her house and even wanted me and Pickles as a part of her mercenary wing. Bha! Like I ever trust that bitch again! Last time I did, a long time of slavery and humiliation awaited me and the only light at the end of the cave was to free Pickles from her torment.

(https://i.imgur.com/YNZIOxo.png) (https://i.imgur.com/74a5d8o.png)

(https://i.imgur.com/PXqD6Op.png) (https://i.imgur.com/lV1pkKz.png)

I chased her messenger away and didn't try to waste more thoughts on her. I will tell my wife about this. I don't think she has any interest to deal with Drows again as well.

Later, I went to Stonekeep with Pickles and her apprentice, jugging some milk. It was a pleasant and calm evening and I greatly enjoyed it. My gorgeous wife said she had a little present for me, so she pulled out a sort of map, but from the sky. Apparently, it is totally cool now to have a telescope in your garden and search the night skies for all kind of weird stuff. She said while gazing upon the sky, she discovered a star constellation, so she wrote down the coordinates, went to Moonglow and checked if it was already a known. Obviously, it was not, so she took the credit for it and named it after me! That is by far the most beautiful thing one had ever done for me, such a sweet and cute act and I feel truly happy to call her my wife.

(https://i.imgur.com/VcEiDy2.png)

Of course, I had to try out myself! I went to bed with her, but soon enough, the curiosity woke me and I went to check the night skies with her telescope as well. I don't think I've really slept, but I found many constellations. One of them had to be undiscovered! I did the same as Pickles did and went with a chart to Moonglow to register is. I named it Pickles. Now we're together on this planet, as well as for always in the skies. She will always be my star.

(https://i.imgur.com/SzgXNNP.png)

Wednesday, 3th October

So Hoagie asked me recently a question. He said "What is it that ye do in the army?"

I looked at him puzzled and of course I answered "To serve Cove!"
He just smirked and shook his head. I had no idea yet what he meant. "I mean beyond duty, Leanne. What are yer goals in life, Leanne?"

Well... What are my goals? I could not give him a direct answer then, but the more I think about it, the more I start to comprehend what it is, I do in this army, and what I do with my life.

Obvious is, that I want to live a peaceful life with my wife Liz. To be with her until we're old and grey and saggy, but yet not at all any less childish or mature. To protect her from harm as she does me. Day and night, year by year.

(https://i.imgur.com/O599E8n.png)

But what else is there? Well, the answer is simple. I am a huntress! I like it when my good looks fool others, as I am one of the fiercest hunters in all of Britannia. I live for it! That excitement, that challenge, the honor.

I laugh at the nobles, the Lords, who get out of bed only to walk around their lavish beautiful prisons all day. That's not a living to me! Oh why should I bother. The vast open plains, the snowy mountains and the thick forests, oh yes, this is all the luxury I need. Hunting the worlds biggest creatures and then lying at the campfire by dusk with my wife.

The moment from hunting down a fiend until you pierce the last arrow through its body, the feeling you get when a dragon six times as big as you shoots fire in your direction but still come out triumphant. That is a good life...

Props to you, old man Hoagie... For asking the big questions.

Saturday, 6th October

Well, shyte...

I took the men on duty yesterday. Wanted to gather some dragon hides and get a trophy or two. But as lazy as the men are lately, I was blessed with a recruit, a watchman and foreigner with a weird bear.

(https://i.imgur.com/mFQ8Zjy.png)

Still! There was plenty of work to do and we went into the Terathan Keep in the Lost Lands. Little did we know that we ended up in the midst of a battle between these freaking spider and snake people. Running through the yards and eventually arriving in inside the keep itself, we slayed many spiders. I hate spiders! Now even more!

Perhaps, once again my pride and thirst for vengeance has taken us all into danger... And this time, the consequences were dire. There were just too many of these spider people and I remember getting surprised by one angry fucker. Immediately I raised my hand to protect my face from its scythe like arm. It hurt, but we slayed it and went on.

(https://i.imgur.com/URXprpX.png)

I should have stopped there, but I've been stabbed, punched and burned so many times in my life that I didn't give it more attention. We kept fighting the spiders and I've started to feel more and more sick and became pale. Estelwen and Hope kept looking at me worried, but I ordered them to move on.
When we finally arrived home, I saw that a lot blood has turned my left glove red instead of green.

(https://i.imgur.com/ybwcTN2.png)

In front of the lasses I took off my glove and the sight was anything but pretty... As I started to realize what happened, my pinky and ring finger already plopped out of the glove, just laying there, bloody and white. I was forced to sit down by Hope and all I remember is that I kept starring at my left hand that was missing two fingers. I know Kobras girlfriend from Vesper showed up at one point, but I fainted and anything that happened afterwards is not of my knowledge.

(https://i.imgur.com/Tzu3Rpz.png)

When I woke up, I was lying in a bed in the barracks, with Hope and Piper near me. Piper told me that she was able to stop the bleeding by stitching my... nobs... But she wasn't able to reattach my fingers... Too much time had passed since they've been separated from my hand.

Once again I've been ordered to keep my distance from duties for a while... Fuck it... At least it was my left hand and not my right... And luckily I still have my wedding ring.

(https://i.imgur.com/pCddIoX.png)

Saturday, 10th November

It's been little over a month since my last entry. And since I lost two fingers. That however did not stop me from continuing my work. My beautiful wife had teach me a few basic spells, and I had looked deeper into the art of poison usage. As my old friend Kal had.

One could say I'm enjoying a quiet life right now though. Maybe too quiet! But at least I can share it with my soul mate. She seems to enjoy it too, as she reads a lot of books and spends her time usually at home with me or in the Arcanist Tower dabbling with magic of some sort. I like watching her when she's fully focused on these kind of things, how her nose wrinkles when something doesn't go the way she'd like or how her dimples brighten up the whole room when she smiles.

As nice as this is, I can see that it itches in her fingers as well, to go out there and set something in flames.

(https://i.imgur.com/xXV6mMW.png)

But as is my character, there are things that concern me. The silence before the storm, I guess. Good old Facey has been missing for a while! I check his cottage daily to see if he left his horse unattended. I need to win this bet, after all!

But not a sound had been heard lately from inside. Neither him nor his horse. I've set up some posters about him missing. And alas, Serj and my cousin informed me that there was a lass at the crossroads who had apparently seen him getting dragged away by members of the Militia.

This seems odd to me. Why should Yew take the Commander hostage? I guess there are a few shady people there, yes, but this? I know Declan has his dark past... But I doubt he'd do such a thing. Or maybe Aries? She's a Waywatcher, after all. Not exactly a squad known for its loyalty. And perhaps she managed to deceive us all. Maybe she's not that kind gal as she pretends to be. I'll definitely keep my eyes and ears open.

Ilyana thinks its possible for Yew to betray us like that. I wished she'd just let her hatred go for them. I managed to get along with Declan, so why can't you, cousin? These people are not the same that are responsible for your miscarriage. This is not your home shard. Those responsible were on your shard - they died there.

Speaking of Serj and Ilyana. My blue haired cousin seems to have a little crush on Gregor's grandson. Every time during a meal she speaks of nothing but him, since he saved her from drowning in Nu'jelm. Serj here, Serj there. It is quite adorable, albeit a bit annoying. Though I guess I am no better when it comes to my wife.

But if this is going to end well? They may be too different from character...

Friday, 7th December

It's been three days... I still lack to find the words to describe how I feel...

Serj Eason... he's dead.

It was during the Avamass Market, shortly before the announcement of the most appreciated Covian. Standing next to Pickles' apprentice Hope, I heard a fight from the other side. Serj Eason and that Kaldorian scum Reg were at it again. I went over and both were already threatening each other. Reg asked me if he could punch him. Bloody hell, I told him if he did, I'll shoot him.

Serj did not back down and it took my direct order and Hope speaking since months to calm him down.

But as Reg left, he spit at Serj, which enraged him once more. With drawn blade he went after the Kaldorian. It all happened so fast. Within a few seconds, the cursed savage stabbed down Serj, his body just lying there.

It seemed no one was realizing what just happened. Everyone thought it was Serj just being himself again, theatrical as usual. But he was not. As if things couldn't get any worse, his grandfather showed up. I tried to bring Serj back by stimulating his chest. But it was too late...

(https://i.imgur.com/uDSpAUQ.png)

A lot of emotions came out afterwards. A lot of sadness, anger, bargaining... It felt weird getting comforted by Declan...

I went home, told Ilyana and Pickles the news. We all cried. Pickles tried to stay strong, but there was nothing she could do against the tears. Ilyana just sobbed. The past weeks she was so happy having a crush on Serj. And within the blink of an eye, all that stopped.

None of us slept that night. We shared some of our favorite Serj stories with each other. The one time Pickles had to run back the whole Fan Dancer Dojo to get him out. Or of course when Serj saved Ilyana from her watery grave in Nu'jelm.

Serj... I promise you: That Kaldorian scum will pay for what he did. If not by court, then by my hand...

Welcome to Cove

In Character Boards => In Character Board => Topic started by: Leanne Martin on June 05, 2018, 01:11:45 pm