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Title: When the sun rises Post by: Amy Marsteller on October 12, 2006, 07:52:08 pm [Just a little poem I wrote this weekend...Comments please! ;) ]
When the sun rises, While the birds chirp, After the morning dew settles, Before the smell of sweet honey drifts through the house, My Saturday morn' begins. As I gently glide from my bed-chamber, While the fog outside the window begins to clear, So that the majestic sky is seen, When the sun rises, I find my peace. Before the worries crash upon me, Before the mopping and sweepping, Before the working and schooling, When the sun rises, I hold my lovely lady in my arms. As I breathe in the sweet air, Before the smog and smoke emanates from the streets, I can see the real beauty, When the sun rises. Amy I. Marsteller Title: Re: When the sun rises Post by: Mela Arkay on October 13, 2006, 01:11:09 am I like it, its a good way of describing things and your a poet without rhyming which I CAN'T seem to do.
One thing I need to nitpick at though Quote When the sun rises, While the bird chirp, Is that supposed to be "While the birdS chirp"? or "While the bird chirps"? Title: Re: When the sun rises Post by: Amy Marsteller on October 13, 2006, 01:35:49 am Whoopsie! Forgot the S! *Edits*
*Whistles* Title: Re: When the sun rises Post by: Raiden Morana on October 13, 2006, 06:59:48 am I'm not really a big poetry fan - but i really like this.
I think it's a very engaging and well written piece (though you already know I think the second line of the last verse is a bit of a mouthfull :P) But like i said i'm definately no expert. *thumbs up* Nice one! ;) Title: Re: When the sun rises Post by: Marcus Kobra on October 20, 2006, 11:31:15 pm Hmm I am no skilled writter and cheery stuff isnt my normal like but this was very well written, aside from some chirps and birds ;D If only morning could always be that way Again, goodshow mate!
Title: Re: When the sun rises Post by: Conan Darkmoon on December 23, 2006, 09:20:00 pm Very nice, Honestly as an actual writer, very nice.
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