|
Title: How to be an Orc, Cove style Post by: Vince Valentine on December 04, 2006, 10:52:21 am Guardsmen attending:
Vince Valentine Grenadier Sergeant (Leading) Raziel Richter Officer Cadet Hoagie Officer Cadet, Dragoons Kal shadowhand Regular Scout Delc Regular Grenadier This training would test us to our very limits. There would be no push ups, or laps of the arena. Oh no. But there would be dung rubbing and orc talking. Oh yes! Our mission was to successfully infiltrate the vile orcs cave, without drawing attention to ourselves. Sneakness was to be used! Oh yes, Sneakyness, and a barrel load of swagger. First up, we had to make sure we looked orcish. Luckily, i'd agreed a trade with a somewhat shady looking chap from serpents hold the evening before, who supplied me with five second hand Orc outfits, complete with Orcish face skin. Rather nasty I'm sure you'll agree, but necessary! After suiting up, we practiced our Orc speak a little before heading in.. (http://img134.imageshack.us/img134/666/o1ns2.jpg) Harr! Eat covian orcish wit, vile orc! We had a little trouble with some wolves who wern't fooled by our disguise. Obviously we smelled too pretty to be Orcs, so our next step was to remedy that. How, i hear you ask? Why, by rubbing ourselves with Orc dung of course! (http://img90.imageshack.us/img90/1379/o2po4.jpg) Smells like....crap Unfortunatly, Hoagie decided he wasn't too keen on this idea, thinking that the missus wouldn't be too pleased if he returned home smelling like Orc crap. Women today, they're too fussy i say! (http://img178.imageshack.us/img178/5940/o3cm1.jpg) Be a man! After a little while trying to persuade him, Delc and I used a cunning method of dung application, which involved flinging the foul stuff at him, and the old stomach squash, whereby i took a handful and mashed it into his chest. Oh, he smelt like dung after we were done, and no mistake. Now we were fully Orced up, we proceeded deeper. Raziel displayed his Orcish speaking by...umm....making a move on one of the less hideous female Orcs... (http://img143.imageshack.us/img143/7266/o4pv3.jpg) Even I wouldn't chat that up! Indeed, we did have to nudge Raziel a couple of times, due to his 'Upper class' orcish. Deeper still we went, stumbling upon a man who was in league with the orcs! Kal fixed his wagon, if you get my drift. You don't? *Sighs* He beat the crap out of him is what i meant... We'd displayed our fine skills of infiltration, so we decided to head out, before we pushed our luck. It was too late though it seemed! As we turned, Behind us came a group of rather large, angry looking orcs! So we did the smart thing. We ran like a man with his arse on fire runs! A tactical retreat, but when we got to the entrance, we had an unwelcome surprise... (http://img292.imageshack.us/img292/8219/o5pf1.jpg) ....Bugger A gang of Yewmen stood before us. We were indeed between a rock and a hard place. We could reveal ourselves and be attacked by them, or we could stay in disguise, and be attacked by them. Unfortunatly, i stumbled and struck my head before the decision was made, so the outcome was indeed a mystery. I reckon we gave 'em a good beating though, as i'd been carried to the barracks when i awoke, and no injured man could carry a stout fellow like me. Another victory for the Covians, the finest guardsmen in the land! Good job lads. *Signed* Vince Valentine Grenadier Sergeant Title: Re: How to be an Orc, Cove style Post by: Raiden Morana on December 04, 2006, 12:25:06 pm Covering eachother in orc dung eh?
Sounds like I missed out on the ... er... fun again *pretends to mutter* Could have been worse... could have been Yewlander dung i suppose. Well done chaps. *signed* Raiden, Grenadier Corporal. Title: Re: How to be an Orc, Cove style Post by: Teagan Grayner on December 04, 2006, 02:44:18 pm Fussy you say? Damn right, Hoagie will be sleeping in the shed.
- Teagan Title: Re: How to be an Orc, Cove style Post by: Malkom on December 04, 2006, 02:47:57 pm Bah! Teh damnation's with you all!
*Run's off babbling maddly* Title: Re: How to be an Orc, Cove style Post by: Hoagie on December 04, 2006, 05:22:20 pm Damn it Vince! Why did you have to include that in the report!? *Mutters and wanders off*
Title: Re: How to be an Orc, Cove style Post by: Kal/Mathew on December 05, 2006, 09:44:10 am Why will we beh damned ef we onleh pulled orf a goo' Enemy infeltration mission ta learn more abou' them, I say ef et worked beh 'appeh tha' we learned more o' wha' et beh we face, and abou' 'ow ta deal wit them buggers.
Ye churchies beh awlways en a 'urreh ta foind a reason ta punish the worken men o' Cove. I say shaddup an' le' us da our jobs our way. (Walks off mumbling about the churchies) Signed Regular Scout: Kal ShadowHand |