[H]

HEAR YE! HEAR YE!

Kobra wins Vesper Leg of Axiana's Jousting Tournament!
The finest jousters of the North were in attendance for the Vesper Leg of Axiana’s Jousting Tournament. Held outside Swaggers Inn, organisers Axiana and Rimeny set up some colourful jousting lanes for our contestants to do battle on whilst Leanne played her part as herald. Local tradesfolk took the opportunity for business, manning their stalls for all to peruse.
Contestants were whittled away until only Commander Hoagie Grayner and Officer Cadet Marcus Kobra, both of Cove, were left to joust. As always, there could only be one. Marcus Kobra defeated Hoagie to be declared Winner for the Vesper Leg of this incredible tournament!


Body part discovered at New Haven Moot
A last minute Moot was arranged by proponents of the North, with folk gathering in New Haven to discuss and socialise. However, it was not long before blood was spilled.. but by whom, we are uncertain. A body part was found that unnerved Sergeant Kelly Sanderson..


PIE HARD.
Drama of a different kind was found in Cove on Sunday eve, with auditions for a play directed by Regular Scout Leanne Martin-Melior. The play, titled ‘PIE HARD’, will be performed in Cove soon as an Avamass themed production.


The Horse Riding Masters!
An unusual horse race was hosted at the Councillors Hall in Britain. Participants were met by some sort of talking horse costume monstrosity, who then directed all to an underground network of tunnels. Various obstacles featured in the race and we are happy to report that our own Hoagie and Leanne were declared horse riding masters in their respective categories.


HEADLINE: SERJ EASON MURDERED!
Guardsman and bard murdered at the Grand Covian Avamass Market
Sergeant Kelly Sanderson organised the fabulous Avamass Market at Memorial Square. T’was a warm and friendly congregation of tradesfolk, soldiers and citizens.. or so we thought! Tragedy struck quickly, as a disagreement that got out of hand ended with Watchman Serj Eason being fatally wounded. The Covian died quickly, and a Vesperian is currently being questioned over the killing.
Watchman Eason had no children or spouse. He is survived by his mother and grandfather.


~ Rumour ~
* KALDOR STRIKES BACK! Word is that the Vesperian who killed Serj Eason is a former Kaldorian soldier!?
* WEAR A CLOAK! Purchase of winter cloaks goes up in memory of the fallen Watchman!
* Sanderson Body Parts? The body part found in New Haven belonged to a relative of Sergeant Sanderson.

[H]

Hear Ye! Hear Ye!

Spookiness at the Town Hall
During a patrol of the Baronship Household, strange goings-on were heard in the Town Hall. Footsteps were heard upstairs and, apart from the guardsmen present, the building was completely empty. Searches proved fruitless. Investigators of the Spirit World are being asked to step forward!


Drunk and Vulnerable
Guardsmen came across a lone Covian woman completely intoxicated at The Cardinal Feather. Apparently, the woman had been drinking with someone else but, after sobering up, could not understand how she got as drunk as she did - nor who she was drinking with. Concerns over spiked drinks were raised. Covian guardsmen are asking anyone with any information over suspicious activity at The Cardinal Feather to report to the Barracks.  


Odd Hay Bales..?
Junior Guardsman Sheriam Palmer questioned the origin of the hay bales in Cove by the Armourers. Why are they there? Who stacked them? Is there a meaning behind their placement?

Crooked Bankers
Citizen Carolin Kazami has made allegations of unethical practices against the Covian Bank. Interest rates on loans are higher than ever, forcing Citizens to be stuck in an endless cycle of debt. The Baronship Household, charged with monitoring the Covian Bank, gave this response; “Perhaps the citizens aren’t working hard enough?” Ooo!


HEADLINE: WHERE IS HOAGIE?
Guardsmen received information whilst on patrol in Altmere that Commander Hoagie Grayner had been taken away by the Guardsmen Militia under duress. This information was treated lightly and it was assumed that Hoagie had simply ‘eaten a bad pie’ and was probably off on sick leave. But some time has passed now and his whereabouts is still unknown. Concerning..?


HEADLINE: KHAELIETH ARRESTED BY YEW!
The up and coming chocolatier of Cove was arrested by Yew Churchmen on Wednesday eve for ‘suspected necromancy’. Covian guardsmen present were unable to deter the well armed force from Yew and, with Khaelieth’s advice, it was agreed to let the tradesman be taken away for questioning.


Rumour
* Carolin Kazami to join Covian Army? Citizen Coarlin Kazami has been highly active with the Covian guardsmen as of late. Assisting with several patrols, she is gifted with a bow and appears to be as light-footed as a Scout!

* Disagreement between Palmer and Eason..! Watchman Serj Eason did not hide his hatred of Elves when Citizen Khaelieth was being taken away by the Yew Church. This did not sit well with Junior Guardsman Sheriam Palmer. After the Yew forces had departed, Junior Palmer immediately dismissed Watchman Eason from duty.

* Yew against the North. The authorities in Yew have made a bold move entering Covian territory and making an arrest. Surely this will unsettle the delicate politics of the North!?

[H]

Hear Ye! Hear Ye!

BOOM!
A fireworks display arranged by Patrician Axiana Masteen was set off with great success last week! So explosive was the display that shards of wood began to splinter from the fortification and the ancient wall began to creak! Perhaps it is in need of servicing?


Darkness Rises?
A harbinger was unexpectedly found feasting upon Covian sentries and settling itself in Cove cemetery. Junior Grenadier Falconheart led a band of guardsmen to dispatch the creature. Is this ghastly creature in some way linked to Arathax the Necromancer? Is the Undead army rising once more?


BAGBALL!
Blood was spilt, egos were bruised! A hard game was played between the Britannian Bears and the Cougars (named after the great Covian Cougars of old). Despite a relentless effort from the Cougars, the Bears triumphed. The players fought like true enemies throughout the game, but parted ways as good sportsmen - honouring each other on a match well played! A fantastic event coordinated by Regular Scout Leanne Martin-Melior.


In The Nuj!
Officer Cadet Marcus Kobra led a team of Covian engineers by sea to Nujel’m to repair its Docks. Reports say that the sea voyage was NOT good. Many Covians were taken ill and in a mad dash to scramble to land when it was sighted, Senior Arcanist Ilyana Drachen jumped and fell overboard! Apparently, she was thought to be lost - but was recovered with the help of Axiana Masteen and Serj Eason.
The restoration of the Docks took some time, with Captain Raiden Morana leading the work effort. The Covian presence drew attention from the locals as well as the not-so-local Vesperians and a wandering Drow! Guardsmen were on high alert, but the work party was protected and the Docks restored to full working order. Perhaps we will see more voyages to the Nuj in future!


Performance returns to Cove!
A Drama Workshop was hosted this week at the North Beacon in Cove. Vesperians and Covians alike turned up to practice their theatrical ability. Word is that there’s a new theatre company in the community. Hoagie Theatrics better shape up!

Rumour
Following the Bagball Match on Sunday eve, it has been heard that the Covian Cougars may be reforming!

[H]

Hear year, hear ye!

As Alliance forces partook in a picnic in the Covian Colony of Nujel'm, dastardly Vesperians vainly attempted to lodge a protest against the huge combined force, succeeding only in mildly upsetting Captain Radek 'Radish' Wilkes' prize horse. The well fortified palace proved totally impenetrable to Vesperian troops, who were swiftly seen off by the gleaming bronze clad Baron's Own Grenadiers! Eyewitnesses report that part time museum mannequin Hardened Grenadier Hrothgar 'The Fossil' defeated one entire wave of the Vesperian assault while napping.

There was further embarrassment for the Vesperians as their leader Esca 'Stuffed Bear' Flowne slipped on a banana peel discarded by Covian Arcanists, tumbling off the palace walls as he attempted to lead a charge, so disheartening his mysterious allies that they fled the battlefield entirely. This shameful display has led the Vesperians to sue for peace, ending the immediate threat to Cove's newest and sandiest colony! All Covians can rejoice in a victory well earned!

RUMOURS:

• The spoils of war? Battlefield commander Tiberius 'Halberd Havoc' Kane has been sighted alongside many of Cove's most eligible bachelorettes
• Disaster for Rex Richter's race for governor, his campaign floundering as he is immediately ejected from Stonekeep for unspecified breaches of the peace
• Weddingmania continues as the most untrusted of watchmen Chelly 'Wasn't that Tingle' Rothsmire seeks a rugged Yewish husband!

WILL ESCAFLOWNE FINALLY BE MADE THE BARON'S JESTER?

WHICH HOUSE IN VESPER HAVE YOU PICKED OUT AS YOUR NEWEST PROPERTY?

FIND OUT IN THE NEXT ISSUE OF THE COVETOWNE GAZETTE - COVE'S MOST VICTORIOUS NEWSPAPER!

[H]

Hear year, hear ye!

NEWS FRESH FROM THE FRONT: HEROIC COVIAN FORCES OVERWHELMED BY SLOBBERING VESPERIAN HORDE!

The war in Nujel'm continues to rage on! After two successful engagements led by Tiberius 'Bar Basher' Kane, it looked to all that an easy victory was assured. Yet yesterday eve, the Yewish allies were nowhere to be seen, leaving the brave Covian forces to fight on alone against the Vesperian horde whose ranks were swelled by nefarious mercenaries and pitiful press-ganged peasants! Commander Hoagie 'Horseless' Grayner took on the challenge of leading the outnumbered men into these steep odds, with his rousing appeals to end this war to save Covian laundry expenses!

Many tales of heroism emerged from the sandy streets of Nujel'm that evening, with the Baron himself rallying the troops from the field! Of particular note was the bravery of Grenadier-hopeful Saerandir 'Sally' Elvenears who faced down over twenty Vesperians, leaping in front of their swords and arrows to defend his liege. Likewise, Sergio 'Runningman' Jarrett challenged the moniker of the Slow Company, exposing the Vesperians to be the overweight wheezers that we know them to be!

Despite these acts of individual valour, the medical post manned by dutiful Covian citizens was overflowing with Covian wounded! This leads the editor to ask all brave and loyal Covians WHERE WERE YOU? Will you continue to let our brave boys die in the sand while you sit at home? Enlist in the Covian army NOW! Do your DUTY! COVE FIGHTS ON ALONE! Every man and woman  is called upon to partake in he next fight! The honour of the Baronship and the continuation of the Covian way of life is at stake!

COVIAN SUMMER FAIRE HELD!

Before the blood and sand of Nujel'm, all of Cove enjoyed a great revelry in the form of the Covian Summer Faire, hosted by Axiana 'Posh bird the Patrician. All manner of stalls and goods crammed Memorial Square, with jousting being the main event of the evening! The Baron himself took part, defeating Axiana in the most chivalrous art, but conceding to Torrak 'One of those' Keres, on account of his advanced age. The clean up operation is expected to continue for months!

OTHER NEWS: COVIAN TEMPLAR ORDER UNVEILS NEW CATHEDRAL

In a move welcomed by all, the increasingly powerful and wealthy Covian Templar Order showed off their temporal might by unveiling the new Covian Cathedral, a fitting tribute to our Lord and Saviour Avatar! Onlookers described the imposing and splendid building variously as 'big', 'shiny', and 'help I have forgotten my tithe'. Pagans and heretics quiver at the mere sight of the magnificent building, with Sir Hugo 'Wytchhammer' of Rothermere announcing this is only the first phase of Order construction. The faithful and masons everywhere rejoice!

RUMOURS:

• Cadet Kobra has been notably absent from the battles of Nujel'm! Are his Vesperian fetishes dividing his loyalty?
• Peg legs are the new fashion among dapper Covian Lords and Ladies, imitating the dashing Adjutant Shadwell! Mmm, lacquery!
• Captain Raiden 'Buffet Burglar' Morana's wedding planning drags on into the 2nd month, expenses now are estimated to be in the tens of millions! A shortage of entrées is declared across Sosaria!

WILL THE EMBATTLED COVIAN FORCES BE ABLE TO OVERCOME THE ENDLESS HORDES OF VESPER?

WILL *YOU* ANSWER THE CALL?

FIND OUT IN THE NEXT ISSUE OF THE COVETOWNE GAZETTE - COVE'S MOST SAND STREWN NEWSPAPER!

[H]

Hear year, hear ye!

Last minute talks to avert the long anticipated war between the Holy Covian-Yewish alliance and the Vesperian heathens broke down yesterday as President Esca 'Mad Bear' Flowne, stormed into the meeting room in the neutral state of Trinsic on all fours, biting several attendees in what can only be described as a dark state of feral wytchcraft. Though it is not known if he is capable of writing, one of his henchmen produced a declaration of war before the Baron's retinue could interject with their generous offer of Vesperian vassalisation. The whole meeting was abruptly ended as the rabid Bear rampaged through the streets of Trinsic, devouring citizens at random.

In swift reply to this grave insult, the full might of the Baronship with a handful of Yewish dignitaries launched an immediate strike on the Vesperian's headquarters, run out of the known drug den and whorehouse, 'The Swagg-lers". Under the wise and firm leadership of the Baron himself, the docked Vesperian fleet was set aflame, the burning galleons visible for miles! A skirmish ensued in which all Vesperian forces were destroyed, and despite Vesperian efforts to assassinate our most noble liege by exploiting his ceremonial armour, they were sent packing!

The Vesperians rallied after the initial loss of their fleet and then tried to make a counter-attack on Covian soil, using newly promoted Sergeant 'Sentryson' as a hostage! But the dastardly ruse was foiled, and the animal worshipping infidels were sent home with their tails between their furry legs!

OTHER NEWS: WYTCH RIGHTEOUSLY CAST INTO VOLCANO!

Sir Hugo 'Heretic Hammer' of Rothermere presided over the final sentencing of the wytch and relentless sinner known as 'Mischief'. Identified by numerous local Covian citizens as a troublemaker and avowed enemy of the Church, the Father in an open air mass announced her permanent exile from Covian lands, and promptly had the assembled Churchmen cast her into the fiery pits, where she surely would have perished. In addition, several members of the congregation were baptised by the Clergy, undoubtedly bringing them untold joy as they received Avatar's most watery blessing!

OBITUARIES: GUARDSMAN GARSHINKLE

In a poignant and well attended ceremony the much loved watchman and notably hog meat enthusiast Garshinkle was laid to rest, having been brutally slain by the forces of the Undead. Though he has passed from this life, his service and sacrifice to Cove will never be forgotten, and he joins the venerable roll of heroes who have laid down their life for the Baronship! Will the Vesperian war see many more joining him? Could it be you next?

RUMOURS:

§ Marcus 'Mad Doc' Kobra has been exposed as having a fetish for Vesperian uniforms - straw hats and chaos shields clearly the way to the Grenadier's heart!

§ Guardsmen Sheriam and Sally 'the elf' were recently promoted together at the weekly parade, but are they more than just partners in promotion? Who can say.

§ The Cardinal Feather Inn operated by local resident Carolin 'Horse whisperer' Argon has become the new hot spot in Cove! Rooms are selling out fast! Book now to avoid disappointment!  

WHEN WILL THE VESPERIANS STRIKE NEXT?

CAN THE MAD BEAR BE STOPPED?

FIND OUT IN THE NEXT ISSUE OF THE COVETOWNE GAZETTE! COVE'S MOST PATRIOTIC NEWSPAPER!

 

[H]

Hear year, hear ye!

The 2nd Annual Baron's Court started routinely enough, with Crowley 'The Shilling' Graves, taking on the role of Bailiff after the unexplained disappearance of Watchman Duncan, last seen laden with golden from the treasury. He immediately took to the role, extracting shillings rightfully belonging to the Baron from armour clad moneybags who were flaunting the new citizen licensing laws!

Much wine and merriment was had at the Baron's table, until the topic of conversation turned to the failure of hydrophobic love lout Captain Morana to oversee the reconstruction of the Covian Navy! Present at the Court was Yewish Corsair Boring-o, who suggested that ships of the line could be purchased at the secretive location known only as 'The Sea Market'. With typical penchant for action, the Baron and those present set sail immediately to acquire a new Covian flagship!

As many present didn't have the sea legs to board the Corsair's ship, and due to the large quantities of beverages consumed at the Court, Adjutant 'Pegleg Pete' Shadwell oversaw the provisions of a secondary sloop, known as 'The Peasant's Vomit' which followed close behind the Corsair's galleon. Once arrived at the Sea Market, the Covians nobly liberated a ship from the clutches of evil Gargoyle merchants, dubbing Cove's new flagship the BSS Smouldering Library!

Reviewing nautical charts, the Baron was then reminded of the plight of the Covian minority in Nujel'm, who have been brutally oppressed! Notably guardsmen Ahmed and Grief are missing, presumed kidnapped by the tyrannical Sultan! Not wishing to stand for such insults, the brave Covians put to sail at once in the new flagship and set their sights on the island!

Upon dropping anchor at Nujel'm, the Covians immediately discovered all manners of horrors! Ritual sacrifice! Cannibalism! Dark magics! Sand in boots! The rejoicing citizens immediately thronged the streets and sung odes to the heroism and virtue of the liberators!

Leaving Tinglesworth 'The Untrusted' behind to guard the newly liberated colony, Nujel'm is now firmly in Covian hands and will act as a port for the reborn Covian fleet. The empire grows and the citizens rejoice!

Another grand Covian victory!

Rumours:

§ Did the dark magics of Nujel'm affect the Baron? Some of the crew report seeing the Baron transformed into a Beholder!

§ Commander Hoagie builds new villa with gold siphoned from Army hunts!

§ Bloodthirsty Waywatchers haunt Cove in reign of terror! Who will be stabbed next? Could it be YOU?

§ Horse shortage looming after spate of equine murders

WHERE WILL COVE CONQUER NEXT?

WILL GREYSTONE SINK THIS FLEET?

FIND OUT IN THE NEXT ISSUE OF: THE COVETOWNE GAZETTE!

COVE'S MOST SEAWORTHY NEWS SOURCE!

[H]

Hear ye, hear ye!

'Twas a day of trouble and strife in the lands of Cove and Yew, beginning with an Avatarian Mass in which many new Church faces were announced - or at least we think so, it is hard to tell with the helms. Church Servant 'Silly Ily' Drachen continued to display a lack of remorse for heinous crimes, and was tied to the pyre for all to gawp, point and laugh at! Truly an instructive example for the Covian youth!

After tending to their spiritual needs, the Covian Army gathered to watch on as Watchman Tinglesworth 'The Untrusted' once again reaffirmed her title as the Baronship's biggest liability, receiving 10 lashes for disobeying Captain Morana's orders not to move the Yewish prisoner, Nadia. The Guardian's power over her unruly hair was offered as an explanation for her actions.

The dessert in this buffet of woes was the trial of former Waywatcher Corporal Nadia Smith, who was accused of the attempted murder of fellow Yewish Guardsman Aries 'Honeypot' Harper. The trial had many twists and turns! Salacious love scandals! Betrayal and heartbreak! Long, long, long winded technical explanations - and an attempt by a Trinsican to speak, which was immediately denied by all present. With the honourable judge Sir Hugo delivering the final verdict, the wayward Waywatcher was given a choice between demotion to the rank of untrusted trainee - or dishonourable discharge from the Militia. She opted for the latter, clearly trying to top Tinglesworth in the league tables of military treachery!

It was further decreed that Rookie Aries 'Honeypot' Harper and Captain Raiden 'Fancy' Morana had six weeks to formalise their relationship into a marriage, cementing to eternal alliance of friendship between Cove and Yew! A happy ending to a day of grave misdeeds!

OTHER NEWS:

Local Fossil Causes Thousands of Gold in Damages to Goblin:

Still celebrating his recent Armsmaster victory, Tiberius 'Axe Loon' Kane used his ill-gotten access to the alcohol stocks of the Green Goblin, plying Covian, Yewian and Vesperian alike with booze totalling thousands! Several rare vintage bottles are believed to have been lost in the bender. He was last seen fleeing the scene dressed in the garb of a Yewish Captain.

RUMOURS:

§ Could the marriage of Raiden and Aries be the beginning of a summer of love in Cove? Watchman Sheriam Palmer has been sighted leaving fellow Watchman Garshinklepop's 'love shack'!

§ Drunkenness now so rampant in Cove that 3 taverns are operating simultaneously! Brewers rub their hands with glee!

§ Restless dead more restless than ever! The seemingly unstoppable torrent of the skinless horrors continues to menace the citizens of Cove! Who will save us!?

WHO WILL BE PUNISHED NEXT!?

WHO WILL BE RAIDEN'S BEST MAN!?

FIND OUT IN THE NEXT ISSUE OF THE COVETOWNE GAZETTE! COVE'S MOST ALE SOAKED NEWS SOURCE!

[H]

Hear ye, hear ye!

Cove remains gripped in the height of a most horrendous crime wave! Even the Baron himself has become a victim, having been viciously assaulted by an image of crudely drawn buttocks dispatched by the local criminal vagrant known as Hagarman, who is assumed to be the accomplice of wanted criminal Grassman! In response to the Grenadier's failure to quell the crisis, Corporal Torrak Keres has gotten the boot!

Wisely at the recent Sunday parade the Baron replaced tired old Keres, with new bright eyed Keres - the corporal switched out for his younger and more female sibling, Cailin Keres. This inspired Baronial choice is already paying dividends, as she immediately tracked down and apprehended Hagarman who in a desperate attempt to escape justice, took freshly arrived citizen Felix Stickleback hostage!

A tense hostage stand off took place, but the quick thinking new Grenadier leader outsmarted the ne'er-do-well and dispensed swift justice! The injured Felix Stickleback was treated at the scene by 'Mad Doc' Kobra and is expected to lead a normal, if traumatised life

Hagarman is expected to pay a full five thousand gold fine, and face Baronial buttocks branding for his nefarious crimes! Not so CHEEKY now!? Another grand Covian victory!

RUMOURS:

§ 'Mad Doc' Kobra starts orphanage adopting local urchins, all are to apply within the barracks

§ Restless dead seen haunting Covian lands, Vesperian wytches blamed

§ Influx of new citizens drives Covian house prices to record levels! Small shack sold for 43 goats!

CAN THE NEW CADET RESTORE ORDER TO COVE OR IS THIS BOUT OF BOTTOM BASED BUFFONERY ONLY THE BEGINNING?

FIND OUT IN THE NEXT ISSUE OF THE COVETOWNE GAZETTE, COVE'S MOST WIDELY USED COATING FOR THE HOMELESS!

[H]

Hear ye, hear ye!

It was another day in the vibrant and Sosaria renowned cultural life of Cove, as a mysterious 'Sammy Hagar' arranged a humble arts and crafts lesson to be undertaken by locals and foreigners alike. But not all was as it seemed! Quick witted Covian guardsmen soon spotted the event was a devious ruse for the distribution of illegal nightshade and 'magic' witchshrooms!

Swiftly leaping into action, the guardsmen commanded by Captain 'Loverat' Morana apprehended Hagar and two other suspects, known as Electric Eason and Grassman Watership. Yet in an episode of what can only be described as elvish trickery, all suspects managed to escape, trying to flee to the safety of Vesper where all manner of crime and evil is tolerated!

Hearing that the suspects had been remanded in Vesperian custody, Commander Hoagie 'Hairless' Grayner in conjunction with Marcus 'Mad Doc' Kobra negotiated the handing over of Grassman Watership to face fair, well documented, and righteous Covian justice!

Electric Eason and the scallywag Hagar remain at large and are presumed to be armed and dangerous! Lawful Covian citizens are advised not to approach them, and to lock their doors!

RUMOURS:

§ Where has the Baron's statue vanished to? Has it been stolen by jealous Vesperians?

§ Strange meetings of Arcanists reported! Could they be up to something?

§ Barracks roof looks unstable after significant water damage!

WILL THE CRIMINALS BE APPREHENDED?

CAN COVE'S CRIME WAVE BE HALTED?

FIND OUT IN THE NEXT ISSUE OF THE COVETOWNE GAZETTE, COVE'S MOST LAW ABIDING NEWS SOURCE!

[H]

Hear ye, hear ye!

The Holy alliance of Cove and Yew set forth in force to take on evil under the command of Besieger Robert 'Cheery Bob' Tripps , travelling deep into the jungles of Ilshenar, effortlessly vanquishing all foes before them! The mistress of evil did appear, a titanic temptress which tested the pure hearts of all guardsmen! It was by all accounts, the biggest harlot seen since... *several names are written and redacted*.

The fighting lasted for several hours which included a bandage and refreshments break,  until the beast was eventually distracted by Captain Morana and brought down. The Alliance marches on, unstoppable!

COVIAN RANKS SWELL!

Formerly exiled Watchman Tingleith returns to Cove, paying a fine and facing a demotion for desertion, disorderly conduct, and poor fashion taste! Cove eagerly awaits her next demotion and act of gross offence! In tow was new recruit and elf, Saerndir.

To combat the influx of elvish refugees to Cove, the Church is expanding the Templi Order and seeking all those faithful and righteous to take the Cross! Many have already flocked to the cause!

VESPER OFFER FRESH INSULTS!

Does Vesperian insolence know no bounds? How much more provocation can the peaceful city of Cove take? Not content with false treaties, impeding the Baron's progress, and failure to punish heretical elves and Orcs, Vesperians encroach on Covian lands to unleash all manner of foul beasts in the name of buried treasure! Only the swift intervention of the ever alert Covian Army prevented disaster as terrified citizens fled in droves!

WILL THE VESPERIANS EVER BE BROUGHT TO HEEL?

WHO WILL DESERT NEXT?

HOW MANY HERETICS WILL BURN?

FIND OUT IN THE NEXT ISSUE OF THE COVETOWNE GAZETTE! COVE'S MOST THOROUGHLY RESEARCHED NEWS SOURCE

[H]

Hear ye, hear ye!

MILITIAMEN GRANTED VICTORY!

The 23rd annual Armsmaster Tournament was held, with dazzling displays of martial prowess and bloodletting enrapturing the crowd!

The results were as follows:

First place: Aiden 'Old Musty'
Second place: Radek 'The Radish' Wilkes
Third place: Robert Bobman

A clean sweep for the Guardsmen Militia, who were graciously allowed to win as a supreme act of Covian etiquette to our allies!

DOG MURDERER APPREHENDED!

After an extensive man hunt launched by the famously thorough Covian Watch, the puppy punching elf responsible for the cold blooded murder of beloved Baronial hound Bounder was identified as Arcanist Corporal Veldrin Needleheart; a Drow and known evader of the elf tax. She is to be held in custody awaiting righteous punishment.

GRAND BARONIAL MONGBAT HUNT PROVES GRENADIER SUPERIORITY

To combat the mongbat menace, Baron Octiovus led a glorious hunting party with a menagerie of Cove's most fearsome creatures including: Baronial hounds, war rats, and Yewish battle snakes. Grenadier Gimbly eventually topped the tally of Mongbats eliminated, with his incorrigible war goose, Ahmed.

Vesper continued their provocations by admitting they had not punished the elf responsible for the unprovoked attack on Covian Templars!

GOSSIP:

~ Captain Raiden continues his spate of trysts, last seen romancing unidentified Yewish Guardswoman! Is no one safe from the Captain's advances!?

~ Sergeant Shadwell demoted PROMOTED to Baronial servant ADJUTANT after adding Commander Hoagie to 'Terrible Commanders' List. Covian battle plans lost to rain!

~ Kas Valentine selling illicit 'love potions' from Arcanist Tower

WHAT MORE EXCITEMENT SHALL BEFALL THE CITY OF COVE?

FIND OUT IN THE NEXT ISSUE OF: THE COVETOWNE GAZETTE! COVE'S MOST HASTILY PRODUCED NEWSPAPER!

Issue 1: BEATING THE DRUMS OF WAR! NORTHERN ALLIANCE RISES!
Issue 2: 'MAD' ESCAFLOWNE RUNS WILD!
Issue 3: PUPPY PUNCHING ELVES TO PAY THE PRICE!
Issue 4: REVIEWS OF RAAZ
Issue 5: COVE GRACIOUSLY ALLOWS ALLIED VICTORY! HOUND MURDERER FOUND!
Issue 6: TITANIC TART TOPPLED! COVE GROWS! VESPER CONTINUE PROVOCATIONS!
Issue 7: COVIAN CRAFT DAY ENDS IN THREE ARRESTS
Issue 8: BARONIAL BOTTOM BLOTTER BUSTED! CRIME WAVE CONTINUES!
Issue 9: TRIPLE TORMENT FOR TROUBLESOME TRICKSTERS!
Issue 10: BARON'S COURT ENDS IN LIBERATION OF NUJEL'M!
Issue 11: WAR! WAR! WAAAAAAAAAR!
Issue 12: FROM THE FRONT: HEROIC OUTNUMBERED COVIANS FIGHT ON!
Issue 13: VESPERIAN ANTS CRUSHED AT PALACE PICNIC! VESPER SUES FOR PEACE!
Issue 14: EXPLOSIVE FIREWORKS DISPLAY DAMAGES THE COVIAN WALL!
Issue 15: YEW ARREST COVIAN CITIZEN! WHERE IS HOAGIE GRAYNER?
Issue 16: SERJ EASON MURDERED!

Back issues

[2/5]

Commander Hoagie Grayner didn't burst, but rather ambled onto the scene this month with his directorial debut and lukewarm rendition of the classic Covian tale "The Rage of Raaz."

The cast themselves gave an enthusiastic but slightly amateur performance, with particular charm coming from the leading couple, Raaz and Barry, played by Meiko (last name unknown) and Serj Eason, of the famed Eason name. However, all of the charm and enthusiasm mustered by the actors could not save the play from its fundamentally empty script and uninspired direction.

Many of us here at the Gazette were excited when the play was announced, but with off-key writing, flat jokes, and an uninspired fight sequence, this "rage" was more of a temper tantrum.

2/5

FIRE! FIGHTING! ROMANCE! A stunning and exhilarating display by the sure-to-be famous theatre troupe "The Rambunctious Vegetables." Dead orcs, audience participation, and a piece of classic Covian history wrapped up in an easily-digestible package. Fun for all the family!

5/5

Meb like bit were orcs klomp tupid hoomies.

4/5

What will we review next? Find out in the next issue of Cove's most trusted news source.

[H]

Hear year, hear ye!

The inauguration banquet of the newly designed Town Hall was marred when a rabid elf murdered one of the Baron's beloved hounds in cold blood, punching the defenceless creature to death!

Swift retribution is to be meted out on these miscreants and reprobates, with the Baron appointing Duncan "Declan" Bern as his new High Bailiff responsible for implementing the beloved 'elf tax'. The Court decided justly to set the rate at 500 crowns an ear per week, for those repeatedly and continually caught in the act of being an elf. Grenadier Delcarakdur was the first to graciously volunteer to pay the tax.

Alliance officers and the new representative of the city of Jhelom dined on Cove's finest fare, and were entertained by a show of combat prowess as Grenadiers Keres and Delcarakdur took to the floor to practice their skills on one another.

Long live the Alliance!

What dastardly deeds will elvish kind perpetrate next? Find out in the next issue of Cove's most trusted news source!