The Covetowne Gazette

[Linaeus]

(OOC Note: This thread contains every issue of the Covetowne Gazette in chronological order, from oldest to newest.)

This collection brought to you by the Read The Gazette More Foundation.

[Linaeus]

11/17/08
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The Covetowne Gazette - The World's Least Biased Newspaper



This week Cove was rocked by a series of brutal muggings, robberies, and vile acts of vandalism perpetrated by a dastardly group known only as the "Habberdashers," often shortened to "The Hats." Little is known about these criminals except what their victims have managed to stammer through their tears and wails of despair.

"e' wore 'ah blood red waistcoat an' 'ah straw hat," stammered young Aeryn O'Niall before bursting into tears as she remembered the night when she was nearly killed by one of the well-beheadwared fiends.



Reports of other incidents, such as graffitti on the walls of the Church, random and vicious muggings, break-ins, and spontaneous acts of verbal assault have been reported.



"What is shocking," said one Covian man, "is that the Army has seemingly done very little to stop these criminals. I can hardly sleep at night knowing these people are on the loose!"

One guardsman we spoke with waved the criminals off as a "petty street gang." The question remains; who are they, what do they want, and who is leading them?
------------------------------
Torrak Keres and Kas Valentine arrested, Tried, and....WHAT!?

In other news, Watchman Torrak Keres and Regular Arcanist Guardsman Kas Valenwytchtine were arrested this previous week on charges of Conspiracy to Commit Murder. This Sunday they were tried on those charges!

The trial went rather poorly, with the audience repeatedly interrupting and hurling projectiles at the defendants. Undaunted, they made their stand.

Sources from inside the courtroom report that the prosecution made a strong case, and that for a long time it seemed the guardsmen were doomed. However, Watchman Keres, sources said, made a heroic defense, refuting many of the prosecution's claims before finally sitting down. Regular Valentine, likely to avoid incriminating himself, only asked Mister Keres one question before retiring.
As the trial drew to a close, the Magistrate returned to the room to announce the verdict...

NOT GUILTY on the charges of Conspiracy, "But"..

Before he could finish, several Yewish Militiamen accosted him and, showing their true attitude towards the Lord's Justice, assaulted both the Magistrate and the Defendants! When the proverbial smoke had cleared, the Yewish were marching Regular Valentine out of the room while Watchman Keres hid behind a table.

Have the Yewish lost their minds? Does Yew no longer recognize the authority of the Church? Is Regular Valentine destined for the gallows, as that vile wytch deserves? What was the Magistrate going to say before he was interrupted?

Stay posted for the answers to these questions and more with...
THE COVETOWN GAZETTE

- Linaeus C. Blackwind; Reporter, Editor, Printer

(OOC Note: The names in the journals in screenshots are not IC knowledge under any circumstances. This newspaper is liberally tossed about on the ground and front steps throughout town the morning after it is printed, and the stories in it are IC information. The names mentioned -in the text- may be treated as IC information.)

[Linaeus]

11/23/08
-------------

The Covetown Gazette; The Least Biased Newspaper In The World

Missing; "Lucky"

An illustration of the most likely fate of the dog.

Cove was not really surprised shocked this week when a small dog went missing from its owner's front steps after reportedly biting a strange man's finger. While the fate of the dog, ironically named 'Lucky', is unknown, the fact that a straw hat was left on the steps where it formerly resided has led many to believe that Lucky is the latest victim of the notorious 'Hats'.

Vesperians Hold Animal Cruelty Festival; Casualties Unknown

Vesperians; Menace To Animalkind?

This weekend was a grim day indeed for the world's animal population, as the people of Vesper held their annual Festival of Creatures. Curious, Mr. Linaeus Blackwind of the Gazette attended this festival. What he saw there was nothing short of hilarious horrifying.

In one event, the Vesperians pitted pairs of gorillas against one another in savage fights  to the knockout death. In another, innocent people were challenged to wrestle alligators, risking life and limb for gold. Sergeant Grayner of the Covian Army found his head between the jaws of one of the beasts and only narrowly escaped. The alligator reportedly escaped the fight with several chipped teeth and a cracked jaw. Most horrifying of all, the third event pitted men against a gigantic, wytchcraft-spewing beetle. Mr. Blackwind was bullied into facing the beast, and barely escaped with his life! One by one, people stepped into the ring, only to be trampled by the enormous insect moments later.

Among the concussed were several apes, alligators, Skarans, one Covian Sergeant, and a colony of ants crushed underfoot as Mr. Blackwind fled for his life from the evil beetle.

Interview With Commander Morana

During the Festival, Mr. Blackwind had the pleasure of sitting down to speak with the Covian Army's Command himself. While the conversation was very enlightening, very little was learned from it. Commander Morana dodged several questions about the recent crime wave, calling it "more of a ripple," and, when asked if the investigation was making any progress, stated that "[They're] not going to divulge how [they're] getting on." When asked if the Army had any suspects, he replied that they had a resounding "few."

"But the buggers best watch their step." Morana concluded.

Next the conversation moved to the recent trial in Yew. Morana stated that the "The Yewish taking the law into their own hands nay surprises him." When asked about the fate of Regular Valentine, the Commander stated that he did not know his current status nor whereabouts, but that the Covian Army is doing everything in its power to ensure his safe return. Morana further stated that the last thing on Cove's agenda is war with Yew, despite recent events.

- Linaeus Carolus Blackwind; Reporter, Editor, Printer

(OOC Note: The names in the journals in screenshots are not IC knowledge under any circumstances. This newspaper is liberally tossed about on the ground and front steps throughout town the morning after it is printed, and the stories in it are IC information. The names mentioned -in the text- may be treated as IC information.)

[Linaeus]

11/30/08
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*the entire paper is printed in ellaborate calligraphy*

The Covetowne Gazette - The Least Biased Newspaper In The World

Stories fabricated investigated, written, printed, and distributed by Linaeus C. Blackwind, esquire. Artistic license assumed with all sketches. Take seriously at your own risk.

Cove's Treasury Falls Into A Solen Hole
Sources within the Bank of Cove have flatly refused to state that Cove's treasury is running alarmingly low. For this reason, one can only assume that it is. Furthermore, a brief trespass trip to the Barracks revealed that a meager sum of twenty-two-thousands rests within the Army Coffers.

Is Cove going bankrupt? The bank wont say.

The Phantom Radish
The army was recently launched a brief, pointless enquiry as to the whereabouts of Cove's Radish crop. Unbeknownst to the guardsmen running the investigation, Covian farmers do not grow Radishes - its a chiefly Vesperian crop. The result was several hours of Covian guardsmen dashing about questioning passerby about the fate of the Radish crop, several confiscated carrots, and an early harvest.

Cove's Finest; Still looking for those Radishes.

Hats On Holiday
Cove was shocked this week, as the notorious Hats failed to continue their practice of nightly rampaging for a third week.

"They're obviously trying to psyche us out," one Covian said "I mean really."

Though thankful for the brief lull in crime, many Covians have stated that they will be using this time to reinforce their doors, purchase and install metal bars for their windows, and learn to use a crossbow.

An alternate theory is that the Hats made off with the Post Office.

- Linaeus Carolus Blackwind, Reporter, Writer, Editor, Publisher

(OOC Note: The names in the journals in screenshots are not IC knowledge under any circumstances. This newspaper is liberally tossed about on the ground and front steps throughout town the morning after it is printed, and the stories in it are IC information. The names mentioned -in the text- may be treated as IC information.)

[Linaeus]

12/7/08
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The Covetowne Gazette - Because Covians Cant Afford Anything Better

By picking up this paper you have agreed to pay 25 crowns to Linaeus Blackwind the next time you see him. Artistic license assumed with all sketches; believe at your own risk. The Gazette is not responsible for emotional, physical, or financial harm inflicted by the reading, posession, or, in rare cases, burning of this pamphlet.

Army Disbanded: Keres To Blame?
Sources within the (former) Army state that the Army has, as of today, been disbanded. These sources further stated that the purchase of an unnecessarily expensive quiver for Watchman Keres was the singular cause of the Army's bankruptcy.

"Its entirely his fault, and he should be savagely beaten punished for it!," stated one citizen.

The quiver, which is allegedly lined with hardened dragon hide and studded with rare white gold, is purported to have cost upwards of one hundred thousand crowns. Why this expensive gift was purchased for Mr. Keres remains uncertain, but hints towards possible corruption within the ranks of the army.

"Cove is bwankwupt, and its awl Toe'rag Kar-rays' fault," a small child commented after reading the rough draft of this article.

Mercenaries Invade Cove
A Company of Mercenaries, under the command of former Army Commander Morana, and comprised of many former Covian Soldiers, has occupied Cove. Armed resistance is not recommended, as these men all look astonishingly menacing, and are likely capable of crushing a small child's head with a mere glance.

Ironically, sources have stated that there isnt much of a difference between this new force and the late Covian Army.

In other news, it is now possible to buy the Covian Army.

Keres Searching For Wife; As If Anyone Wants Him
It has been learned that, previous to his implication in the recent depression, former Watchman Toerag Torrak Keres was in the process of finding a suitable wife.

Sources stated that he was met with failure at every turn, as he even resorted to flirting with Trinsicans and Elves (as if the theres a difference). Furthermore, it has been learned, though spying, that Mr. Keres arranged a date with a Vesperian barmaid, but was promptly stood up by said Vesperian. Owch.

One cannot help but feel sorry for the man, as no one could possibly love him. This was further exemplified by his failure to impress even the Trinsicans, who are widely known for their liberal ways.

Torrak Keres: Unloved Economy Killer

- Linaeus C. Blackwind, Reporter, Writer, Editor, Publisher, Distributor
                                 The Covetown Gazette

(OOC Note: The names in the journals in screenshots are not IC knowledge under any circumstances. This newspaper is liberally tossed about on the ground and front steps throughout town the morning after it is printed, and the stories in it are IC information. The names mentioned -in the text- may be treated as IC information.)

[Linaeus]

12/14/08
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The Covetowne Gazette; So Much Better Than The Morning Poste

By picking up this paper you have agreed to pay 25 crowns to Linaeus Blackwind the next time you see him. Artistic license assumed with all sketches; believe at your own risk. The Gazette is not responsible for emotional, physical, or financial harm inflicted by the reading, posession, or, in rare cases, burning of this pamphlet.

Cove's Economy Climbs Back Out Of Solen Hole

Cove's Economy has, due in part to the actions of the Covian Mercenary Company, made an astonishing comeback. Sources have stated that, astoundingly, the notorious economy killer Torrak Keres has been involved in a large portion of these actions, and even led a few of them.

"I bet he's keeping more than his equal share of the gold." muttered one citizen.

Missions the Mercenaries have embarked on this week include several forays into the Orc Fort, a handful of trainings, and countless patrols. The army's coffers have begun to fill once more, leveling out at just over sixty thousands.

It Hasnt Snowed Yet - Why?



"I wish it would snow, I love the snow so much." said one small child, lamenting the conspicuous absense of snow thusfar this Avamass season.

"I hate the snow. It makes traveling so difficult." said one selfish old man, who obviously doesnt believe in Father Avamass and likely only got coal when he was a child.

"I blame Keres." said a more sensible man.

Although it is unknown why it hasnt snowed yet, some have speculated that it is the Guardian's doing. Obviously, they say, the lack of snow is a devious plot by the Guardian to make us all miserable. Another theory is that Avatar is seeking to punish Torrak Keres, who is from a colder climate and would likely enjoy the snow. The Church could not be reached for comment on this matter.

Kas Valentine Is Alive

"Damn." said one Guardsman Mercenary.

"He was missing...?" inquired another.

Although his whereabouts during his lengthy absense are unknown, by the looks of him he spent at least a portion of that time in the custody of the Yewish Militia - those Loyalist fiends. His face, normally not a hideous mass of bruises, has been reduced to a pulp.

Kas Valentine - Severly Bludgeoned But Alive.

- Linaeus C. Blackwind, Reporter, Writer, Editor, Publisher, Distributor, Proprietor
                                    The Covetown Gazette

(OOC Note: The names in the journals in screenshots are not IC knowledge under any circumstances. This newspaper is liberally tossed about on the ground and front steps throughout town the morning after it is printed, and the stories in it are IC information. The names mentioned -in the text- may be treated as IC information.)

[Linaeus]

Special Edition, 12/16/08
------------
The Covetowne Gazette; Because This Just Cant Wait

By picking up this paper you have agreed to pay 25 crowns to Linaeus Blackwind the next time you see him. Artistic license assumed with all sketches; believe at your own risk. The Gazette is not responsible for emotional, physical, or financial harm inflicted by the reading, posession, or, in rare cases, burning of this pamphlet.

                         Breaking News: Covetowne Gazette Causes Snowfall

                                           

Not two days after the publishing of an article questioning the absense of snowfall this Avamass season, it would appear a sizeable snowstorm has blown in! While it hasnt succeeded in completely covering the area, almost all forested areas are knee-deep in the tiny, fluffy, whiteish bits of ice.

The Covetowne Gazette; It Snows Because We Ask It To.

- Linaeus C. Blackwind, Reporter, Writer, Editor, Publisher, Distributor, Proprietor, Weatherman
                                            The Covetowne Gazette

(OOC Note: The names in the journals in screenshots are not IC knowledge under any circumstances. This newspaper is liberally tossed about on the ground and front steps throughout town the morning after it is printed, and the stories in it are IC information. The names mentioned -in the text- may be treated as IC information.)

[Linaeus]

Important Notice #1, 12/29/08
---------------
*the entire notice is printed in unreasonably large, bold print*

The Covetowne Gazette - Currently Experiencing Ink Shortage


We're Sorry, We Know You Were Crushed

We're terribly sorry, but the past few issues of the Covetowne Gazette could not be published due to a conspicuous absence of an adequate ink supply. Sources within the Company have stated that this is the fault of one Kas Valentine. The sources failed to elaborate on this, but muttered something about a report.

*signed elaborately*
Linaeus Carolus Blackwind, esquire
Editor, Publisher, Proprietor, Owner, Writer, et cetera et cetera
The Covetowne Gazette


(OOC Note: The names in the journals in screenshots are not IC knowledge under any circumstances. This newspaper is liberally tossed about on the ground and front steps throughout town the morning after it is printed, and the stories in it are IC information. The names mentioned -in the text- may be treated as IC information.)

[Linaeus]

1/4/09
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The Covetowne Gazette: The World's Greatest Newspaper

By picking up this paper you have agreed to pay 25 crowns to Linaeus Blackwind the next time you see him. Artistic license assumed with all sketches; believe at your own risk. The Gazette is not responsible for emotional, physical, or financial harm inflicted by the reading, posession, or, in rare cases, burning of this pamphlet.

Recruit Walter Darkmoore Seen Kissing Man

Rumors of manloving in the Company were confirmed today when a note from an anonymous but undoubtedly trustworthy source revealed that Mercenary Recruit Walter Darkmoore was seen kissing an unknown man. When questioned on the issue, Recruit Darkmoore assaulted Gazette correspondant Lucius I. Edwards. Mr. Edwards escaped without serious injury, but was visibly shaken.

Covian Manloving Company?

Company Terrorizes Covetowne



Residents of Covetowne awoke last evening to the sound of their doors being kicked in as the Company, in a training exercise, went from house to house searching for another group of Mercenaries. When the second group was found, the two groups briefly exchanged blows, declared a victor, then started over again.

"Oh Crap." remarked one citizen as the Mercenaries began preparing for round two.

Especially hard hit was the Armorer's, which was previously set fire to and raided during the Great Radish Scare. The Company blamed the Hats.

Torrak Keres Embarks On Reign Of Terror

Mercenary Torrak Keres, sources have stated, has recently embarked on a campaign of death, destruction, terror, and smashed windows. He started by leading a several hour long, grueling, soul-crushing training, which several attendees did not survive. Afterwards, sources state, he led his men on a hike that left many attendees' feet bleeding.

A Gazette official, sources say, watched in horror as Mr. Keres strolled casually by his home, stopped, scooped up a rock, and hurled it through a second floor window of Editor Blackwind's home.

Torrak Keres - scourge of Cove.

- Linaeus C. Blackwind, Editor in Chief, Reporter General, Primary Publisher,
                                      Writer, and Distributor.
                                     The Covetowne Gazette

- Aided by Lucius I. Edwards, Reporter and Crier.

(OOC Note: The names in the journals in screenshots are not IC knowledge under any circumstances. This newspaper is liberally tossed about on the ground and front steps throughout town the morning after it is printed, and the stories in it are IC information. The names mentioned -in the text- may be treated as IC information.)

[Linaeus]

1/12/09
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The Covetowne Gazette - The World's Least Biased Newspaper

By picking up this paper you have agreed to pay 25 crowns to Linaeus Blackwind the next time you see him. This is not a joke. Artistic license assumed with all sketches; believe at your own risk. The Gazette is not responsible for emotional, physical, or financial harm inflicted by the reading, posession, or, in rare cases, burning of this pamphlet.

Covians Breach Gazette Contract

See above.

Shocking news has reached Gazette officials that the contract agreed to by the picking up of this pamphlet has been violated by a disturbing 99.999999% of Covians. "This," an impartial and completely unbiased source within the Gazette staff whose salary absolutely is not paid by this income said, "is completely unacceptable."

"They're blatantly breaking the law!", said a local banker.

"Deadbeats." remarked an accountant.

"I dont see why I should have to pay for a stupid pamphlet that just tells me what I already know!", cried one perifidious purveyor of falsehood and deceit whose opinion is neither wanted nor even considered reliable.

In other news, this absense of payment has been mentioned as a possible cause of the once again late publishing of the Gazette.

Orcs Muck About, Promptly Kicked In Teeth

Reports have been coming in all week of a moderately sized group of orcs that have been attempting, and failing, to ravage the town for days now. Sources state that they are consistently thwarted at every turn, be they attempting (and failing) to trade peacefully - which resulted in a hostage situation - or engaging in a homicidal rampage.

Orcs, being a rather unintelligent race, are commonly known for their inability to think about anything except mating, violence, and money. It is a wonder, then, that the Orcs are able to gather into groups of such size without simply killing one another over the latest bounty.

Reported incidents of Orc-related violence in and around Cove include several attempts to kill Mercenaries for no apparent reason, countless demands for tribute (most commonly resulting in repeated kicks to the oral cavity), and a handful of assumedly well-planned but nevertheless unsuccessful attempts to do something relatively intelligent like establish trade.

Orcs - repeatedly failing at everything they do.

Vesper Apparently On Brink Of Civil War

Sources, namely Sergeant Grayner, within the Company have stated that the Republic of Vesper is on the brink of Civil War after an unspecified series of assumedly horrendous offenses by someone or another. Unfortunately, not much else has been learned about this apparently imminent conflict except that Chancellor Van Cocidius and Militia Captain Escaflowne are apparently at odds.

In keeping with its outstanding ethical guidelines, the Gazette will refrain from speculating on the matter, except to say that, if war breaks out, it will certainly be the fault of some manner of cunning trick being played by the Loyalists to pit the Rebels against one another.

Vesper - Apparently At War With Itself.

- Linaeus C. Blackwind, Editor in Chief, Reporter General, Primary Publisher,
                                      Writer, and Distributor.
                                     The Covetowne Gazette

- Aided by Lucius I. Edwards, Reporter and Crier.

(OOC Note: The names in the journals in screenshots are not IC knowledge under any circumstances. This newspaper is liberally tossed about on the ground and front steps throughout town the morning after it is printed, and the stories in it are IC information. The names mentioned -in the text- may be treated as IC information.)

[Linaeus]

1/19/09
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The Covetowne Gazette - Fashionably Late

By picking up this paper you have agreed to pay 25 crowns to Linaeus Blackwind the next time you see him. This is not a joke. Seriously. Artistic license assumed with all sketches; believe at your own risk. The Gazette is not responsible for emotional, physical, or financial harm inflicted by the reading, possession, or, in rare cases, burning of this pamphlet.

Kas Valentine, Crossdresser

The Infamous Arcanist Kas Valentine was found yesterday clad in women's attire. When questioned, he stated that they were "a whore's clothes". Shortly thereafter, Chancellor Van Cocidius of Vesper mentioned that Kas had murdered said whore and taken the aforementioned clothes. While the Gazette was unable to confirm these charges, it is difficult to believe that the Chancellor of Vesper would joke in such a way.

                                                 

The Hats Have Been Destroyed

Or so says Kas Valentine. During an interview last eve, Editor Blackwind inquired as to the state of the ongoing Company investigation into the notorious band of evildoers. Mr. Valentine had the following to say;

"The hats have been destroyed as of Sunday, yesterday."

Reports of recent muggings, robberies, burglaries, assaults both physical and verbal, and a handful of murders do little to support this claim. It seems that the Army, and now the Company, have failed to crush this gang. If they cant defeat a petty street gang, how can they be expected to fend off the Yewish, the Orcs, and the numerous monsters that plague the countryside?

                     Is the Company really doing its part to keep Cove safe?
                                                   You decide.

Cove Interferes In Vesper Conflict

In what has been called a despicable act of treachery, the Company has entered the Vesperian Civil War on the side of the Chancellor and his Trading Company allies. While it is a well known fact that Mercenaries are loyal to nothing but the coinpurse, it comes as a shock to many that Cove would abandon former ally and Militia Captain Escaflowne. It would seem that the Company values the coins of a Merchant more than the lives of their past allies.

The Covian Mercenary Company - Allies For Hire

- Linaeus C. Blackwind, Editor in Chief, Reporter General, Primary Publisher,
                                      Writer, and Distributor.
                                     The Covetowne Gazette

- Aided by Lucius I. Edwards, Reporter and Crier.

(OOC Note: The names in the journals in screenshots are not IC knowledge under any circumstances. This newspaper is liberally tossed about on the ground and front steps throughout town the morning after it is printed, and the stories in it are IC information. The names mentioned -in the text- may be treated as IC information.)

[Linaeus]

1/26/09
---
The Covetowne Gazette - Consistenly Late

By picking up this paper you have agreed to pay 25 crowns to Linaeus Blackwind the next time you see him. This is not a joke. Seriously. Artistic license assumed with all sketches; believe at your own risk. The Gazette is not responsible for emotional, physical, or financial harm inflicted by the reading, possession, or, in rare cases, burning of this pamphlet.

Keres Botches Raid, Dozens Die

Over the weekend Mercenary Torrak Keres, alond with a company of Mercenaries, were seen boarding a reportedly stolen vessel and sailing off into the early morning mist, bound for the Orc Fort. In the distance, the faint glows of flaming arrows could be seen as they arced towards the small vessel. Likely due to some manner of vile wytchery, Miraculously, the ship made it to the Orcish docks unscathed. At this point, our contacts lost sight of the vessel and its cargo of Mercenaries, but told the following story based on what they heard;

Mercenary Keres managed to crash his vessel into sandbars and rocks several times along the way, prolonging his crew's exposure to Orcish ranged attack. When he finally reached the docks, he and his men disembarked under a hail of arrows and bolts, charging forward with little organization or planning and only just barely breached the outer defenses of the Fortress. A brief brawl within the walls ensued, ending with the Company being forced back onto the docks, where they fought a desperate battle to hold their beachhead. After making several more failed assault, resulting in numerous casualties, Mercenary Keres finally requested reinforcements. It would seem that at this point Keres threatened his men with death should they be defeated, and that his men, for fear of their lives, managed to snatch victory from the hands of the Orcish chieftains. The Company then made a hasty withdrawal from the fort, burning the docks as they departed.

Early casualty reports estimate that dozens of men died in what was supposed to be a surprise, lightning-fast raid. This, along with previous incidents, have only served to make Keres' incompetence even more apparent than it previously was.

Torrak Keres - unable to accomplish even the most simple of tasks.

Mercenary Leads Daring Mission Into Karnaugh

Sources within the Company have stated that late last week Mercenary Raven led a daring mission into Ilshenar's Pass of Karnaugh, a region known for boasting a population of beasts as multitudinous as it is deadly. These sources further stated that among this population of horrendous horribles are Ancient Liches, Gigantic Arachnids of Various Species, Massive Masses Of Rotting Flesh and Bone, and a very thick layer of dust.

Mercenary Raven, however, apparently fears no crypt-dweller. He led his men through the ratman-infested woodlands of Islenar, though the Dragon-nested mountains, and finally into the abyss itself. For hours the small contingent of Mercenaries fought tooth and nail, rending rotted flesh from dried bone as they cut a gorey swathe through the ranks of undeath. Nothing could stop this daring band of brawlers, as they cut neatly through the fortress and into the forests that lay beyond the pass before making their way home with a hefty sum of gold and hundreds of undead lying broken on the cold stone floors of Karnaugh Pass.

The only negative aspect of Raven's expedition was the decision to bring the infamously incompetent Torrak Keres along.

- Linaeus C. Blackwind, Editor in Chief, Reporter General, Primary Publisher,
                                      Writer, and Distributor.
                                     The Covetowne Gazette

- Aided by Lucius I. Edwards, Reporter and Crier.

(OOC Note: The names in the journals in screenshots are not IC knowledge under any circumstances. This newspaper is liberally tossed about on the ground and front steps throughout town the morning after it is printed, and the stories in it are IC information. The names mentioned -in the text- may be treated as IC information.)

[Linaeus]

Important Notice #2, 2/3/09
----
The Covetowne Gazette - Issue Postponed

By picking up this paper you have agreed to pay 25 crowns to Linaeus Blackwind the next time you see him. This is not a joke. Seriously. Pay up. Artistic license assumed with all sketches; believe at your own risk. The Gazette is not responsible for emotional, physical, or financial harm inflicted by the reading, possession, or, in rare cases, burning of this pamphlet.

February 3rd Issue Postponed

As you have all undoubtedly noticed, via the empty feeling that most get when the Gazette is not published in a timely fashion, this week's issue of the Gazette has been postponed indefinately. Reasons for this include a general refusal of reporters to admit that the Company was defeated by Vesper (the people would never believe such a blatant lie) last evening and an impromptu decision by Editor Blackwind to go on holiday for no readily apparent reason.

Aside from the abruptness of Blackwind's leave-taking, it is generally agreed by the intellectual elite of Cove that he deserved a holiday. The Gazette is sure that its readers will all agree. So sure, in fact, that requests that any who disagree promptly hurl themselves down a flight of stairs. In other news, there are reports of Loyalist activity in and around Altmere. This has nothing to do with Mr. Blackwind's escape temporary relocation to an unspecified but undoubtedly loyalist proof relaxing locale.

While the Gazette regrets that it was unable to supply its readers with the hitherto semi-consistent stream of reliable slander information, it would like to take this opportunity to remind them that relaying information in a completely unbiased form is incredibly difficult work - alike to slaying a golden balron with a toothpick.

Gazette Editors - Vacationing Because They Can.

- Lucius I. Edwards, Reporter and Crier, Acting Publisher and Issuer-of-Important-Notices

(OOC Note: The names in the journals in screenshots are not IC knowledge under any circumstances. This newspaper is liberally tossed about on the ground and front steps throughout town the morning after it is printed, and the stories in it are IC information. The names mentioned -in the text- may be treated as IC information.)

[Linaeus]

February 8, 2009
-------
The Covetowne Gazette - On Time For Once

By picking up this paper you have agreed to pay 25 crowns to Linaeus Blackwind the next time you see him. This is not a joke. He has to eat too, you know! Artistic license assumed with all sketches; believe at your own risk. The Gazette is not responsible for emotional, physical, or financial harm inflicted by the reading, possession, or, in rare cases, burning of this pamphlet.

Due to a failure of Covian to pay the aforementioned fee, only one story will be told in each issue.

Loyalists Fail To Navigate, Incite Violence

Over the past week it has been reported that the Loyalist forces of Yew have made several forays into Covian lands, well within the borders set by the Minoc Accords. The first of these was an ambush on a Covian Sentry at the Altmere Road Fort - the border between Covianshire and Rebel Altmere. The second was a cowardly assault on the Baron that nearly resulted in a skirmish.

The Amsbush was staged, according to Mercenary Torrak Keres, "loik ten Waywatchers" against a handfull of Mercenaries attempting to keep the Altmere road open and safe. Sources state that some time into the Sentry a Waywatcher approached the fortifications on the side nearest to Cove complaining that the Sentry was in Loyalist lands, which it clearly was not (the border with Loyalist Altmere was a considerable distance up the road). After a brief exchange of words in which sources state the Company did everything in its power to defuse the situation, the Waywatchers began their attack! Utilizing cowardly tactics and concentrated assaults, the Covian force was gradually reduced to only a few men, before finally being forced from their garrison and scattered into the woods.

The second incident was at the Grand Reopening of the Green Goblin tavern, during which a Waywatcher was seen lurking near the treeline before hurling a snowball at the Baron. The Mercenaries that were prepared and armored at the time jumped into action, while the rest ran off to retrieve their weapons. After a brief chase, the Waywatcher in question, along with another one, were peacefully apprehended, questioned, and escorted to the Border.

Unsurprisingly, it was Torrak Keres who was in command of the defeated sentry.

- Linaeus C. Blackwind, Editor in Chief, Reporter General, Primary Publisher,
                                      Writer, and Distributor.
                                     The Covetowne Gazette

- Aided by Lucius I. Edwards, Reporter and Crier.

(OOC Note: The names in the journals in screenshots are not IC knowledge under any circumstances. This newspaper is liberally tossed about on the ground and front steps throughout town the morning after it is printed, and the stories in it are IC information. The names mentioned -in the text- may be treated as IC information.)

[Linaeus]

February 16, 2009
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Militia Offensive Repulsed

This Tuesday the Company once again engaged the rebelling Vesperian militia in battle. Though the Militia fought valiantly, twice driving the Company from their positions, they suffered heavy losses and were twice repulsed themselves. As the battle hung in the balance, last-minute reinforcements arrived on the field and gave the Trade Union the morale boost it needed. General Stirling and Commander Morana immediately put these fresh troops to use.

In what was to be the fifth and final charge of the day, the Union breached and stormed a set of heavily defended Militia fortifications and, after several minutes of fierce but nevertheless one-sided fighting, ejected the rebels from their positions and forced them from the island.

With Vesper's elections looming and the Civil War still raging as fiercely as ever, many are beginning to wonder what will happen in the coming weeks. Will there be peace in Vesper at last? Will the disunion and bloodshed continue? Will the War have caused irreparable damage to Chancellor Van Cocidius' election chances? Will the misguided rebel leader Escaflowne run against the Chancellor? Only time will tell.

Tensions With Yew Mount

In the wake of recent events such as the cowardly Waywatcher assault on the Altmere Road Outpost, the Baronial Snowball Incident, and the more recent capture of a Yewish Spy, tensions have begun to mount between Cove and Yew. While there have been no major engagements, the Altmere Incident proves that the current peace is a fragile one. Indeed, many Covians and Vesperians alike have called for the immediate liberation of Altmere and Minoc.

Meanwhile, a Covian diplomatic mission to Yew - aimed towards promoting cooperation and peace - was met with nothing but thinly-veiled Yewish warmongering. Sources within the Company state that at one point a Yewish Guardsman even struck the Commander, nearly causing hostilities to erupt on the spot. However, in a heroic display of discipline and self-control, the Company rushed to their Commander's aid and, never once lashing out in retaliation, calmly marched home.

With a tempest raging in Vesper and the dark cloud of Loyalist oppression looming in the West, it seems that dark days lie ahead. Even as it pleads for peace, Cove finds itself preparing to meet blade with blade to defend its lands and preserve its freedom.

- Linaeus C. Blackwind, Editor in Chief, Reporter General, Primary Publisher,
                                      Writer, and Distributor.
                                     The Covetowne Gazette

- Aided by Lucius I. Edwards, Reporter and Crier.

(OOC Note: The names in the journals in screenshots are not IC knowledge under any circumstances. This newspaper is liberally tossed about on the ground and front steps throughout town the morning after it is printed, and the stories in it are IC information. The names mentioned -in the text- may be treated as IC information.)