For posterity.

"You know what would be awesome? If you could put post-it notes on people's pets."
- Rita Whalebiter

Here follows a transcript of what I have witnessed, sir:

Aaron Pheonix: OH MY GOSH COVE ARE TRYING TO DESTROY US ALL
Erasmus: No they're not, Cove and Vesper are allies.
Aaron Pheonix: YOU HAS TO BELIAEVE MEH WHAT CAN I DO TO MAKE YOU BELIEVE MEH?!?!
Erasmus: You're in Collegium, nobody trusts you. Nobody likes you - good bye.
Aaron Pheonix: O NOES!!!!!! *goes to Cove*
Aaron Pheonix: YOU'RE ALL EVIL COVERING THE LANDS IN JAM
All: Whut?

[POSTPONED as Rita's not home yet]

[BUMP!]

BUMP!

[WHAT!?!]

WHAT!?! A hunt to the Ice Dungeon! Led by Ruby!
HOLY FECK! THAT SOUNDS AWESOME, WHEN IS THIS HAPPENING?! Why, on Saturday 2nd January @7:30pm!
AVATAR'S BALLS! WHERE ARE YOU MEETING?! Cove Barracks, you excitable person, you!
WHAT SHOULD I BRING SO I DON'T ANGER YOU?!? Stuff to kill things! and your friends!

*a scrap of parchment has been slid under the commander's door, a message appears to have been scrawled upon it with a red crayon*

Sir,
After much dilligent research, I have devised the first of these, the most cunning of disguises!
Please contact me by pigeon when you are available to cast your gaze upon its glory!


*signed with a crude drawing of a pony surrounded by sparkles and the letter R*

[In attendance]

In attendance
Bersi, Junior Guardsman (leading)
Kelben Blackstaff, Junior Scout
Ruby Whalebiter, Watchman
Abigail Keres, Watchman
Iolan Grimsditch, Guardsman Recruit

Coffers Donations
Abigail Keres: 4,000 coins
Bersi: 37,081 coins

Trophies Obtained
Bersi: One balron jaw
Ruby Whalebiter: One balron wang

Faces Punched
Abigail Keres: Quite a few

Evil Demon Cookies Destroyed
Ruby Whalebiter: 9

*it appears someone has scrawled all over the report - it smells faintly of booze, and there's something you think might be ham-grease on it*

In attendance:
Ruby Whalebiter, Watchman (leading)
Rita Whalebiter, Junior Guardsman
Larinya Angalae, Watchman
Gilraen, Watchman