Hear year, hear ye!
Last minute talks to avert the long anticipated war between the Holy Covian-Yewish alliance and the Vesperian heathens broke down yesterday as President Esca 'Mad Bear' Flowne, stormed into the meeting room in the neutral state of Trinsic on all fours, biting several attendees in what can only be described as a dark state of feral wytchcraft. Though it is not known if he is capable of writing, one of his henchmen produced a declaration of war before the Baron's retinue could interject with their generous offer of Vesperian vassalisation. The whole meeting was abruptly ended as the rabid Bear rampaged through the streets of Trinsic, devouring citizens at random.
In swift reply to this grave insult, the full might of the Baronship with a handful of Yewish dignitaries launched an immediate strike on the Vesperian's headquarters, run out of the known drug den and whorehouse, 'The Swagg-lers". Under the wise and firm leadership of the Baron himself, the docked Vesperian fleet was set aflame, the burning galleons visible for miles! A skirmish ensued in which all Vesperian forces were destroyed, and despite Vesperian efforts to assassinate our most noble liege by exploiting his ceremonial armour, they were sent packing!
The Vesperians rallied after the initial loss of their fleet and then tried to make a counter-attack on Covian soil, using newly promoted Sergeant 'Sentryson' as a hostage! But the dastardly ruse was foiled, and the animal worshipping infidels were sent home with their tails between their furry legs!
OTHER NEWS: WYTCH RIGHTEOUSLY CAST INTO VOLCANO!
Sir Hugo 'Heretic Hammer' of Rothermere presided over the final sentencing of the wytch and relentless sinner known as 'Mischief'. Identified by numerous local Covian citizens as a troublemaker and avowed enemy of the Church, the Father in an open air mass announced her permanent exile from Covian lands, and promptly had the assembled Churchmen cast her into the fiery pits, where she surely would have perished. In addition, several members of the congregation were baptised by the Clergy, undoubtedly bringing them untold joy as they received Avatar's most watery blessing!
OBITUARIES: GUARDSMAN GARSHINKLE
In a poignant and well attended ceremony the much loved watchman and notably hog meat enthusiast Garshinkle was laid to rest, having been brutally slain by the forces of the Undead. Though he has passed from this life, his service and sacrifice to Cove will never be forgotten, and he joins the venerable roll of heroes who have laid down their life for the Baronship! Will the Vesperian war see many more joining him? Could it be you next?
RUMOURS:
§ Marcus 'Mad Doc' Kobra has been exposed as having a fetish for Vesperian uniforms - straw hats and chaos shields clearly the way to the Grenadier's heart!
§ Guardsmen Sheriam and Sally 'the elf' were recently promoted together at the weekly parade, but are they more than just partners in promotion? Who can say.
§ The Cardinal Feather Inn operated by local resident Carolin 'Horse whisperer' Argon has become the new hot spot in Cove! Rooms are selling out fast! Book now to avoid disappointment! WHEN WILL THE VESPERIANS STRIKE NEXT?
CAN THE MAD BEAR BE STOPPED?
FIND OUT IN THE NEXT ISSUE OF THE COVETOWNE GAZETTE! COVE'S MOST PATRIOTIC NEWSPAPER!
Author