You are ridiculous, guardsman. Your hair is wild. Your eyes are wild. Elf? Human? Who even knows any more. You fight. You argue.
Far too many people have seen you shirtless. We will whip you into shape.
I will whip you into shape. Being my apprentice is an honoured role, and I expect you not to waste it. Don't waste my time, and I won't waste yours. Follow my words closely, and you shall reach Junior Guardsman with a renewed reputation.
Task One: The Squashing of the Beefs
Everyone has enemies. Everyone worth talking to, anyway. For the first step of your first talk, I need you to think deep and draw up a list of any and every grudge or slight levelled against you. Any ill will that people still hold for you, and any ill will that you hold for others. Together, we shall settle these scores as appropriate, whether it is by you apologising and doing whatever it takes to right that wrong, or by us crushing your foe.
Post your list of beefs and their reasons below and we will...
deal with them.