Hear year, hear ye!
NEWS FRESH FROM THE FRONT: HEROIC COVIAN FORCES OVERWHELMED BY SLOBBERING VESPERIAN HORDE!
The war in Nujel'm continues to rage on! After two successful engagements led by Tiberius 'Bar Basher' Kane, it looked to all that an easy victory was assured. Yet yesterday eve, the Yewish allies were nowhere to be seen, leaving the brave Covian forces to fight on alone against the Vesperian horde whose ranks were swelled by nefarious mercenaries and pitiful press-ganged peasants! Commander Hoagie 'Horseless' Grayner took on the challenge of leading the outnumbered men into these steep odds, with his rousing appeals to end this war to save Covian laundry expenses!
Many tales of heroism emerged from the sandy streets of Nujel'm that evening, with the Baron himself rallying the troops from the field! Of particular note was the bravery of Grenadier-hopeful Saerandir 'Sally' Elvenears who faced down over twenty Vesperians, leaping in front of their swords and arrows to defend his liege. Likewise, Sergio 'Runningman' Jarrett challenged the moniker of the Slow Company, exposing the Vesperians to be the overweight wheezers that we know them to be!
Despite these acts of individual valour, the medical post manned by dutiful Covian citizens was overflowing with Covian wounded! This leads the editor to ask all brave and loyal Covians WHERE WERE YOU? Will you continue to let our brave boys die in the sand while you sit at home? Enlist in the Covian army NOW! Do your DUTY! COVE FIGHTS ON ALONE! Every man and woman is called upon to partake in he next fight! The honour of the Baronship and the continuation of the Covian way of life is at stake!
COVIAN SUMMER FAIRE HELD!
Before the blood and sand of Nujel'm, all of Cove enjoyed a great revelry in the form of the Covian Summer Faire, hosted by Axiana 'Posh bird the Patrician. All manner of stalls and goods crammed Memorial Square, with jousting being the main event of the evening! The Baron himself took part, defeating Axiana in the most chivalrous art, but conceding to Torrak 'One of those' Keres, on account of his advanced age. The clean up operation is expected to continue for months!
OTHER NEWS: COVIAN TEMPLAR ORDER UNVEILS NEW CATHEDRAL
In a move welcomed by all, the increasingly powerful and wealthy Covian Templar Order showed off their temporal might by unveiling the new Covian Cathedral, a fitting tribute to our Lord and Saviour Avatar! Onlookers described the imposing and splendid building variously as 'big', 'shiny', and 'help I have forgotten my tithe'. Pagans and heretics quiver at the mere sight of the magnificent building, with Sir Hugo 'Wytchhammer' of Rothermere announcing this is only the first phase of Order construction. The faithful and masons everywhere rejoice!
RUMOURS:
- Cadet Kobra has been notably absent from the battles of Nujel'm! Are his Vesperian fetishes dividing his loyalty?
- Peg legs are the new fashion among dapper Covian Lords and Ladies, imitating the dashing Adjutant Shadwell! Mmm, lacquery!
- Captain Raiden 'Buffet Burglar' Morana's wedding planning drags on into the 2nd month, expenses now are estimated to be in the tens of millions! A shortage of entrées is declared across Sosaria!
WILL THE EMBATTLED COVIAN FORCES BE ABLE TO OVERCOME THE ENDLESS HORDES OF VESPER?
WILL *YOU* ANSWER THE CALL?
FIND OUT IN THE NEXT ISSUE OF THE COVETOWNE GAZETTE - COVE'S MOST SAND STREWN NEWSPAPER!
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