Spring/Summer Banquet!

[Eve Thenasa]

The Spring/Summer Banquet

Attendance List:-

Entertainers and Hosts 
Baron Octiovus von Richter
The three Khaelieths (Snud, Smud & Khae)
Qom & Axiana, Citizens of Cove
Ileana, Commoner of Cove
Perrin, Watchman
Raiden, Grenadier Corporal
Eve, Junior Grenadier

Waitress 
Teagan, Citizen of Cove

Body guards to the Baron 
Gimbly, Regular Grenadier
Tyrael, Junior Grenadier

Paying Guests for some of or the entire duration
Raziel, Corporal
Hoagie, Dragoon Sergeant
Kelly, Officer Cadet
Dalamar, Regular Scout
Jack, Regular
Kas, Regular
Brandy, Watchman
Jakob, Watchman
Mercy, Watchman
Zoie, Watchman
Faden, Watchman
Graem, Recruit
Ronas, Recruit

If I have forgotten anyone I apologise, please add your name below

It began with a truly fine opening speech given by Qom, which included a moment of silence in remembrance of our fallen soldiers, Vince Valentine and Conan Darkmoon...

Raiden happily took the floor to perform a song he had prepared for the event, as beautiful as his voice sounds, the words were somewhat inappropriate and he was drawn from the stage by our dear Kelly, before he had a chance to continue.

MISTER BRIGHTSCYTHE!

I'm coming out of my cage
And I've been doing just fine
Gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all

*WAFTS*

It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this......

*WHISPERS*

It was only a kiss, IT WAS ONLY A KISS!
Now I'm falling asleep
And she's calling me drab
While he's smoking some shade
And she's taking a drag
Now they're going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it's all in my head
But she's touching his-chest
Now, he takes off her dress
Now, letting me go

*FLAILS*

And I just can't look its killing meeeeee!
And taking control

*DRUMMING MOTION*

Jealousy, turning churchies into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibis
But it's just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
'Cause I'm Mr BRIGHTSCYTHE!

*FALLS TO HIS KNEES*

*NODS HEAD TO THE BEAT*

*JUMPS TO HIS FEET*

I'm coming out of my cage
And I've been doing -JUST- fine
Gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all!

It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this

...

It was only a kiss, IT WAS ONLY A KISS!
Now I'm falling asleep
And she's calling me drab
While he's smoking some shade
And she's taking a drag
Now they're going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it's all in my head
But she's touching his-chest
Now, he takes off her dress
Now, letting me go

*PUSHES AWAY IMAGINARY FIGURE*

Cause I just can't look its killing me
And taking control

*DRUMMING MOTION*

Jealousy, turning churchies into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibis
But it's just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
'Cause I'm Mr BRIGHTSCYTHE!

*SWISHES IMAGINARY SCYTHE*

I nevah...
I nevah...
I nevah...
I nevaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh...

*LOOKS TO THE FLOOR AWAITING CROWD RESPONSE*

(OOC:- Rendition of Mr Brightside, the Killers /OOC)

The next to grace us with their talent... was Perrin, who told to us a story/poem of a Knights Victory!

The smoke still hangs heavily over the meadow,
Circling down from the mouth of the cave,
While kneeling in prayer, full armored and haloed,
The lone knight is feeling uncertainly brave.

The promise of victory sung in the churches,
Is hardly a murmur out here in the air
All that he hears is the thud of his faint heart
Echoing growls of the beast in its lair.

The steel of his armor would flash in the sunlight,
Except that the smoke has quite hidden the sky
The red of the Ankh on his breast should sustain him,
Except - he suspects - it's a perfect bulls eye.

The folk of the village who bet on the outcome
Have somehow all fled from the scene in dismay
They'll likely return in a fortnight or longer,
He doubts that they'll be of much help on this day.

And then - with a scream - the fell beast of the cavern
Flings its foul body full out of the cave.
The knight forgets prayers and churches and haloes
And tries to remember just how to be brave.

The webs on the wings of the dragon are reddened,
With blood or with sunlight, the knight is not sure.
The head of the beast is a silver toothed nightmare,
Its tongue drips a poison for which there is no cure.

He thrusts with his sword and he pokes with his guantlets,
He knees with his poleyn, kicks out with his greave.
He'd happily give all the gold in his pocket
If only the dragon would quietly leave.

There's smoke and ther's fire, there's wind and there's growling,
There's screams from the knight, and his sobs and his cries.
And when the smoke clears, there's the sound of dry heaving
As one of the two of them messily dies.

**(This is where I started making stuff up, so this may not be exact word for word. And where it said "ankh" earlier, in the orignal story it said "cross")**

As the smoke clears the battle is done,
The weary knight stands over his fallen foe.
He falls to his knees upon the singed grass,
peering down to see the symbol of the Ankh all aglow.

With tears in his eyes and relief in his heart,
In quiet contemplation the knight says a prayer
Thanking the Avatar for the strength to prevail.

**(This next part is how the original text was written in the book)**

Of course it's the knight who has won this hard battle,
Who wins in a poem beaten out on a forge
Of human devising and human invention.

BUT...

If there's no dragon - then there's no Saint George.

(OOC:- Poem by Jane Yolen /OOC)

The next to come forward was the commoner Ileana, who told us a story of virtue based on the Baron's choice...JUSTICE!

(the full story of Justice can be found <a href="http://uo.stratics.com/content/virtues/talesofvirtue06.php" target="_blank">here)[/url]

The second to last entertainment was singing and acting performed by Qom and Axiana, called Covian Wine.  Qom, playing the Baron and Axiana the theif...

I came to Cove on silver spurs that jingled to
A song that I'd only sang whilst killing folks in Yew
AXIANA-: eyes wide she looks admiringly at his spurs then up at him
She saw my silver spurs and said let's pass some time
And I will give to you Covian wine
AXIANA-: offers him a goblet of wine with a wide and naughty smile
QOM-ohh-oh Covian wine
: accepts the wine and drinks it

AXIANA-Strawberries cherries and nightshade's seeds in spring
My Covian wine is really made from all these things
Take off your silver spurs and help me pass the time
And I will give to you Covian wine
: slowly dances moving seductively
QOM-: wobbles a bit
AXIANA-Oohh-oh Covian wine

QOM-My eyes grew heavy and my lips they could not speak
I tried to get up but I couldn't find my feet
She reassured me with an unfamilliar line
: begins to speak vaguely
And then she gave to me more Covian wine
AXIANA-: pours wine from the bottle directly to his mouth and blows a kiss
QOM-Oohh-oh Covian wine

AXIANA- Strawberries cherries and nightshade's seeds in spring
My Covian wine is really made from all these things
Take off your silver spurs and help me pass the time
QOM-: removes boots with spurs on
AXIANA- And I will give to you Covian wine

AXIANA-: takes the spurs and unties the sash

QOM-: relaxes back drinks more wine then passes out
AXIANA- Oohh-oh Covian wine
: looks around carefully and walks back step by step
When I woke up the sun was shining in my eyes
: almost gibbers
My silver spurs were gone my head felt twice its size
She took my silver spurs, stole Chelmsford 'n sash o' mine
And left me cravin' for more Covian wine
: stands up but hardly keeps his balance
Oohh-oh Covian wine

AXIANA-: her voice can be heard from behind
Strawberries cherries and nightshade's seeds in spring
My Covian wine is really made from all these things
Take off your silver spurs and help me pass the time
And I will give to you Covian wine

: voice fades
Oohh-oh Covian wine

(OOC:- Rendition of Summerwine, Nancy and Lee, see you tube for song /OOC)

The last and final entertainment for the evening was the AMAZING MAGICIAN KHAE...

Khae's entrance was rapid following an explosion aimed at him from a group of pixies after he had told them that their Queen had small breasts and escaped the Pixie Queens Court!  This brought him to share with us, a memory he had of being a guest at a Queen's castle full of hostile guards, luckily, in his opinion,  he had a few scrolls to create food and drink!  He told the audience that he used these scrolls to summon strawberries covered in chocolate, some whipped cream and a bottle of champagne, so that he could have some energy to look for his spellbook. He ran into the Queen's bedroom, since she was a mage she was liable to have a few spellbooks.  He began to search her room, starting with her bed (quite thoroughly, he assured us) then her bookshelves, but at this point the queen entered her room.  She stood there in front of him in an intimidating manner in her tight fitting black leather.  Then Khae told the audience that he did what any wizard would do...he introduced her to his dancing wand of pleasure. His newest invention!  He then persuaded the queen to let him go, and teleported into her sister's room, where he persuaded her to let him stay the night, he told us that he had found it strange that both of the sisters had matching underwear!

Khae thinks very highly of himself "as most of ye know, I am great, a man can only be so great before he has to share himself around so..." Two Clones of Khae magically appeared from a glowing gate to join him. I could nay tell which was which.  Gasps of amazement filled the hall. One of the guests called out to enquire whether all three of them had matching underwear!

The Khaes needed a volunteer to help them with their show...HOAGIE! They wished us all to remember the words of the famous pyroxyrus...

Hoagie was encouraged to squawk like a chicken and stand and balance on one leg until he miraculously laid a pearly white egg.  After Hoagie had apparently had been dropping a few hints as well as an egg, our trio decided to indulge him, by undergoing the transformation from men to women, not a stitch on, did they have, except for hats and leather boots.

The trio of girls decided that Hoagie wanted to get dirty!   I believe it was about this time I noticed a very tearful Teagan heading straight out the door.  My waitress  gone, I could see it all ending in dissaster, which indeed it did!  The trio proceeded to inflict him with pleasure, by rubbing mud onto his body.   Thankfully he remained clothed at all times.  But alas Hoagie could take no more and fought the spell with strength, unfortunately his attempts at escape set of a sequence of events... and as the trio used words of power in an attempt to keep him still, the side effects of not obeying them sent a spark out which set the hall alight, the fire began to spread rapidly, and soon the hall was ablaze, the trio lost their concentration and Hoagie made his escape.  At this point there was no option but to evacuate all guests from the hall, Raiden and myself remained to salvage what we could.

[Raiden Morana]

Aye, and it took some cleaning!

Mud and scorched food everywhere!

*mutters*

But it didn't spoil another fantastic evening lass!

And if anyone wants to hear the rest of my song... Hello? Anybody there...?

Where have they all gone...?

Gah!

Well done once again Eve & Qom!

*Signed*

Raiden, Grenadier Corporal.

[Ileana Leontine]

It was indeed a fantastic evening, and despite the... uncouth nature of some of the entertainment I did enjoy it. Both Mister Riyadh and Miss Eve have done a splendid job.

[Khaelieth]

The reason for the wee scuffle was that one of them bit me! You know how women's brains work (it's quite rare!), no sense whatsoever. So, to me at the time it made perfect sense! Oh, and the two other Khaes are now on the loose, quite possibly very dangerous (and handsome, beware their cunning charms!)