Late Night Wonderings

[Calico]

The maple leaves were stirred by the wind, turning their silver undersides up to the faint moon light with a promise of more spring rains. Most of Cove was asleep, save a few guards men standing watch on the walls. Despite the quiet, and the fact that she'd had a full day of patrolling and training Kate couldn't sleep. She'd lain in her bunk and stared at the same patch of darkness on the ceiling for hours until she couldn't stand to be still any longer. Slipping quietly out of bed the tall woman creeping out of the dorm.


The stairs were cold against her bare feet, but she relished the rough feel of the stone as her toes deftly found the places that had been worn into the stairs from years of use. It was almost to cool for comfort; she was only wearing her kilt and a thin plain shirt. Still it felt good to have the wind in her hair and to be out under the stars again, it was some thing she had taken for granted during her time on the pirates ship. When she reached the northern corner of the roof, Kate dropped gracefully sit, settling back against the low wall to stair up at the sky. Her coppery eyes flicked, taking in the stars and quickly picking out her constellations. Some of them could guide, others told stories, but they had been one of the few constants Kate could remember in her life.


The humbled queen was risen, and on finding her stars Kate softly spoke the mantra that had kept her company so many nights at sea. "Beh Cah Lum" The words were whispered out of habit, though that did not lessen the fervor with which they were uttered. Justice, Sacrifice and Humility. Sacrifices must be made so that Justice can be had, and only with Humility can one stay to the task at hand... that was true then, but now? Her expression clouded with her dark thoughts, though she did not turn her face down from the stars. I have no Honor, I've broken my word and gone back on bargains as it suited me best for years. I can no longer speak the Truth, I'm still hiding from what I did. I've killed innocents with out a shred of Compassion. I've nothing left to stand for... If I'm forsaking so many of the virtues how can I ever have Spirituality? Kate tried to remember the rest of the chant, but the mantras escaped her. The spell runes and symbols swam in her mind for a few frantic heart beats before she could recall... "Mu Ahm Summ Om... Ra." She whispered to herself, though the wind stole the sound away, blowing them and her thoughts towards home.


When she had been a child, Kate had always loved to watch the paladins more than any thing else in royal processions. At first it was just the shiny armor, and the white horses, but as the years wore on and she came to understand the corruption of the court and politics in general it became some thing else. Some men fought for gold, others over land, many simply fought because they were ordered to. Paladins fought with Valor, they had the courage to fight for what they believed in, and to hold to the Virtues when even it might lead them to their own demise. Those men were actually some thing to be admired in a world where there really were no 'right' sides to be on.


Before she came of age Kate had dreams that some how she would catch the eye of such a man, and that he would consider her worthy enough that he would bargain with her father for her hand.  As she grew older reality edged it's way rudely into her daydreams. For her fathers status and rank, his only daughter marrying even an established paladin would be settling at best, some thing he would never do while there were more than enough sons of other noble houses to be allied with. Kate had calmly accepted that that would just have to be the way things were. She had watched men far older and wiser than herself getting their hands tied at every turn by the inner workings of the ruling council. What sort of a chance did one beautiful little fool have of getting her way in that sort of game?


Kate's thoughts came back to the barracks roof when she realized that her hands were sore from being clenched and that she was shivering. Shaking her hair out of her face she stood and started back inside. Some part of her knew that it wouldn't be sweet dreams she would be getting as she crawled back into bed, but then most nights it really was a toss up between re-watching her brothers murder, and one of the many bloody battles she'd been in on a buccaneer ships decks.