Covetowne Gazette; 12/7/08

[Linaeus]

The Covetowne Gazette - Because Covians Cant Afford Anything Better

By picking up this paper you have agreed to pay 25 crowns to Linaeus Blackwind the next time you see him. Artistic license assumed with all sketches; believe at your own risk. The Gazette is not responsible for emotional, physical, or financial harm inflicted by the reading, posession, or, in rare cases, burning of this pamphlet.

Army Disbanded: Keres To Blame?
Sources within the (former) Army state that the Army has, as of today, been disbanded. These sources further stated that the purchase of an unnecessarily expensive quiver for Watchman Keres was the singular cause of the Army's bankruptcy.

"Its entirely his fault, and he should be savagely beaten punished for it!," stated one citizen.

The quiver, which is allegedly lined with hardened dragon hide and studded with rare white gold, is purported to have cost upwards of one hundred thousand crowns. Why this expensive gift was purchased for Mr. Keres remains uncertain, but hints towards possible corruption within the ranks of the army.

"Cove is bwankwupt, and its awl Toe'rag Kar-rays' fault," a small child commented after reading the rough draft of this article.

Mercenaries Invade Cove
A Company of Mercenaries, under the command of former Army Commander Morana, and comprised of many former Covian Soldiers, has occupied Cove. Armed resistance is not recommended, as these men all look astonishingly menacing, and are likely capable of crushing a small child's head with a mere glance.

Ironically, sources have stated that there isnt much of a difference between this new force and the late Covian Army.

In other news, it is now possible to buy the Covian Army.

Keres Searching For Wife; As If Anyone Wants Him
It has been learned that, previous to his implication in the recent depression, former Watchman Toerag Torrak Keres was in the process of finding a suitable wife.

Sources stated that he was met with failure at every turn, as he even resorted to flirting with Trinsicans and Elves (as if the theres a difference). Furthermore, it has been learned, though spying, that Mr. Keres arranged a date with a Vesperian barmaid, but was promptly stood up by said Vesperian. Owch.

One cannot help but feel sorry for the man, as no one could possibly love him. This was further exemplified by his failure to impress even the Trinsicans, who are widely known for their liberal ways.

Torrak Keres: Unloved Economy Killer

- Linaeus C. Blackwind, Reporter, Writer, Editor, Publisher, Distributor
                                 The Covetown Gazette

(OOC Note: The names in the journals in screenshots are not IC knowledge under any circumstances. This newspaper is liberally tossed about on the ground and front steps throughout town the morning after it is printed, and the stories in it are IC information. The names mentioned -in the text- may be treated as IC information.)