Task ~ The Pen is Mightier Than Everything

[Kas Valentine]

Dear Guardsmen,

Life in Cove is not just about fighting and getting recklessly drunk afterwards, obviously it's mostly that, but we have an intellectual side too. As a member of the Baronship it is very important that you cultivate these mental skills. During your career you will be called upon to write a lot of reports, take notes and possibly even inscribe your name across an admiring fan's chest (rare but not impossible). With this in mind I have set you a task that will improve your grasp of Britannian.

The Pen is Mightier Than Everything;

~ Fictionalize a report you have already written.
~ Make the tale stand out from the page by embellishing and being extremely liberal with the truth (or in layman's terms, lying).
~ In the absence of any exisiting reports you may write a story of your own or imagine an adventure featuring myself and Buttons.
~ You must put at least 1,000 words to paper.
~ Submit all works below.
~ You must complete this duty alone.
~ You may not submit previously completed works.

This may be completed by any rank.
This may be completed once per character.

Throw the book at them.

Inked with an old fashioned signature,
Senior Arcanist Kas Valentine.

[Delfer]

*Buttons walks by and adds something to the bottom of the task*

Make it about panda's.

[Marcus Kobra]

I suppose I should not post a previous story? I have many!

[Kas Valentine]

A good point Kobra, the duty has now been adjusted to reflect this.

Signed with a flick of ink at the end of the signature,
Senior Arcanist Kas Valentine.

[Darek Milako]

*Probably not 1000 words but I'm not going to count them....Had too Much fun thinking up this epic story to worry about a word count bwahahaha*

Battle of the Gods!

Leading:
Regular Grenadier Milako

Attended:
Senior Arcanist Kas Valentine
Captain Hoagie
Small Elf named Fwarglwits
Grenadier Sergeant Keres

It all started when we were sitting in the Goblin drinking rulk and swapping old war stories when the ground beneath us shook. Hurrying to the door we opened it to find a book laying on the ground. Inside was a picture of a fat purplish dinosaur. Not having a clue what this meant we all armed up and headed into the sunset, which was our general instinct to go. We had to cross massive oceans and the tallest mountains. We went through the deepest caves and slayed armies of undead warriors. All in the matter of ten minutes. We rescued damsels in distress and beat the wicked old witch of the west. We went over the rainbow and beat twelve dwarves in an arm wrestling competition. Then we finally arrive at the dungeon of the Gods. Its exact location is unknown to man, we ourselves don't even know how we got there. We believe a time warp in one of Kas moongates brought us here. But it nay mattered. On the front of the cavern it said "No Solicitors" and another sign "Beware of Mongbats" But ignoring the warning signs like Covians we entered at our own risk. Because being Covians we are generally curious. Once inside, not even five feet in, we met FORTY FOOT TALL MONGBATS!! With no hesitation Kas busted into action and tickled one to death. It laughed soo hard its head popped! Hoagie beheaded one and fed it to the other causing it to choke to death. I quickly loaded a bolt and killed seven with one shot. We basked in our glory for a minute then we hurried over the dead bodies and down a corridor when we met a dragon the size of something really, really, big and then multiply that by six and a half. It stared at us and said in an oddly high pitch voice, "Cooooome an' ge' sooome!" So we lunged an attack. Our weapons just bounced off of it without doing any damage! Keres quickly caught onto the tactic we must use. Nobody is sure where he got the idea but it worked none the less. He stripped down to his knickers and jumped on the beasts wing. He ran fast to the neck where he grappled the beast to the ground! It looked like an ant attacking a Ogre. That's how the size difference was. But the beast fell anyway. While there we all took turns kicking it in its eye until it could no longer produce tears. It filled the huge room full of water. All the tears allowed us to swim to another chamber where the deadliest of beasts awaited. It was a baby Panda bear that had big loveable like eyes and a smile only a mother could love....It sat there being cute. Slowly knawing at a twig with its baby panda paws wrapped around it. It rolled on the dirt and made a baby coo type sound. We knew this was the end of Cove. This was the beast that was to bring down the nation! So i quickly ran up to the panda, grabbed it and punted it into the Abyss!!! When this happened a magical shower of gold and women fell from the sky. The women landed harshly on the rocks which instantly killed them but that made no difference to Valentine. He took a couple to a dark corner anyway. Nobody will speak of what he did there though. After we collected all the gold we put it all into our magical small bag that could hold anything. And we had Kas open a gate to Cove. There we came home to a parade in our honor. Hoagie "The Forcefeeder".....Kas "The TickleMonster"....Keres "The Naked Wonder" and Darek "The Panda Punter"  These are our legacies. These are the true Heroes of Cove.....

*We walked into the tavern and found Buttons sitting there enraged that we didn't get him to come on the epic journey. But we all shrugged it off and let him weep.....Buttons "The Epic Adventure Misser"*

~Signed~
Regular Grenadier Darek "The Panda Punter" Milako