Bulk
Hello and welcome to another sterling piece of literature brought to you by
Rulk Industries. The fact that you are perusing this particular leaflet proves that you are in fact a discerning drinker who will only sample the finest beverages Britannia has to offer. Naturally, you are already versed in the ways of
Rulk and recognise it as perhaps the greatest alcoholic refreshment ever to grace our fine realm. The men and women at
Rulk Industries would like to extend their thanks for your continuing brand loyalty by offering you the opportunity to sample another of our fine products.
It is important to note at this juncture that the creation of original
Rulk is by no means a simplistic process. As you may have read in previous promotional pamphlets; it requires specialist equipment, dedicated employees and only the
best ingredients. However, as with any business which involves human intellect and intricate machinery; accidents can happen. Unfortunately, as countless journalists have already reported, such an accident has befallen some of the
Rulk Industries staff during our inaugural brewing session. External technicians have confirmed that a number the tanks which make up the
Rulk Industries distillery were not designed to handle the initial reaction which occurs when our ingredients are mixed together violently.
We have hired an artist to depict the scene for our more curious customers, his illustration is included below.
A preliminary report on the situation appears to suggest that the dairy products included in our mixes have been calcifying within the tanks and consequently endangering their structural integrity; thus paving the way for later explosions. Rest assured
Rulk Industries values the safety of its employees and has decided to put all Rulk brewing on hold for the forseeable future. Our legal representatives are currently negotiating with the employees affected by these circumstances, therefore the future of
Rulk is somewhat uncertain until court proceedings are concluded. But never fear, this is where
Bulk comes in.
Bulk is a somewhat different concoction to
Rulk, although their similarities are not in name alone, obviously they share an identically high level of quality and taste satisfaction. While
Rulk features the delicious pairing of milk and rum,
Bulk prefers instead to mix bourbon with the common dairy product. The result, as I'm sure you can imagine, is a delightful delicacy which glides down the throat of the imbiber and fills their insides with a wonderfully comforting warmth. But the taste is not the only benefit, oh no dear reader, the taste is only the beginning.
Due to a selection of ingredients, which will remain under the cover of secrecy,
Bulk can also be relied upon to infuse the drinker with an unfathomable boost to their physical strength. Over the years many drinks from foreign quarters have claimed to possess this quality. Drinks such as
Sujamma,
Newheim's Special Brew and
Vasarian Brandy, to name but three. Rest assured, only
Bulk can
guarantee the customer a definitive increase in their physical prowess. For months now our specially trained product testers have been in the field compiling statistics for a leaflet such as the one you have in your hands, and the results are unanimous....
Bulk can multiply your existing strength by a considerable degree, depending on your average intake.
Please refer to the chart provided below for exact figures.
So where can you purchase this wonderful beverage...?
From whom can you acquire barrels of
Bulk to stock your tavern with in anticipation of furious demand...?
The answer is with the offices of
Rulk Industries, which is situated at Cove gates. Our doors are always open and in the absence of our representatives an order can be placed by pinning correspondence to our bulletin board. As you read this article our breweries are converting their distilling equipment to handle the production of
Bulk. The first batch is expected to be available in the coming days, so get your orders in while you can, initial sales will be awarded on a first come first served basis. If you find this approach unsuitable, never fear,
Rulk Industries entrepreneurs will be touring the drinking establishments of our land with a view to bringing our beverages direct to your door.
Bulk will quash your enemies.
Bulk will woo your women.
Bulk will win your argument.
Regardless, you should always remember to.....
Buy Bulk, in Bulk™ !
Drink responsibly, drink with
Rulk Industries©.
DISCLAIMER:
Rulk Industries is legally bound to inform readers that the contents of this document may be completely non-factual. Frequent usage of
Bulk may cause drowsiness, weakness, sickness, dizziness, blindness, deafness, muteness, headaches, acne, back pain, muscular deterioration, damage to the hair follicles, bone marrow dysfunction, loss of equilibrium and reckless diarrhoea. The Healers Guild of Britannia advises drinkers to completely avoid the beverage until a series of deaths attributed to the so called refreshment are fully investigated.
THIS MESSAGE HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO YOU ON BEHALF OF RULK INDUSTRIES.
(A Valentine/Aylmer Production)
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