Hear ye, hear ye!
MILITIAMEN GRANTED VICTORY!
The 23rd annual Armsmaster Tournament was held, with dazzling displays of martial prowess and bloodletting enrapturing the crowd!
The results were as follows:
First place: Aiden 'Old Musty'
Second place: Radek 'The Radish' Wilkes
Third place: Robert Bobman
A clean sweep for the Guardsmen Militia, who were graciously allowed to win as a supreme act of Covian etiquette to our allies! 
DOG MURDERER APPREHENDED!
After an extensive man hunt launched by the famously thorough Covian Watch, the puppy punching elf responsible for the cold blooded murder of beloved Baronial hound Bounder was identified as Arcanist Corporal Veldrin Needleheart; a Drow and known evader of the elf tax. She is to be held in custody awaiting righteous punishment.
GRAND BARONIAL MONGBAT HUNT PROVES GRENADIER SUPERIORITY
To combat the mongbat menace, Baron Octiovus led a glorious hunting party with a menagerie of Cove's most fearsome creatures including: Baronial hounds, war rats, and Yewish battle snakes. Grenadier Gimbly eventually topped the tally of Mongbats eliminated, with his incorrigible war goose, Ahmed.
Vesper continued their provocations by admitting they had not punished the elf responsible for the unprovoked attack on Covian Templars!
GOSSIP:
~ Captain Raiden continues his spate of trysts, last seen romancing unidentified Yewish Guardswoman! Is no one safe from the Captain's advances!?
~ Sergeant Shadwell demoted PROMOTED to Baronial servant ADJUTANT after adding Commander Hoagie to 'Terrible Commanders' List. Covian battle plans lost to rain!
~ Kas Valentine selling illicit 'love potions' from Arcanist Tower
WHAT MORE EXCITEMENT SHALL BEFALL THE CITY OF COVE?
FIND OUT IN THE NEXT ISSUE OF: THE COVETOWNE GAZETTE! COVE'S MOST HASTILY PRODUCED NEWSPAPER!
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