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Author Topic: Ily's self-therapy stuff  (Read 192 times)
Leanne Melior
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« on: June 28, 2018, 03:01:29 pm »

WARNING! This thread may contain severe depressive text! Do read at your own risk. If you can't handle these kind of things, better don't.



You're my favorite thing
Wondering and think
Hurt me, if you can

You're my favorite star
Wondering how far
I made a big mistake

I hurt her, but I didn't know
I hurt her, 'cause I can't let go
I hurt her, 'cause she's a killing joke

I hurt her, but I didn't know
I hurt her, 'cause it's time to go,
to face the cold within

I will hurt you in the morning
I will love you in the night

You're my sweetest thing
Something strange begins
Hit me with your thoughts

You're my favorite star
I will rape your heart
Some cruel and ugly things

I hurt her, but I didn't know
I hurt her, 'cause I can't let go
I hurt her, 'cause she's a killing joke

I hurt her, but I didn't know
I hurt her, 'cause it's time to go,
to face the cold within

I will hurt you in the morning
I will love you in the night

(What my anxiety said if it could talk >.<)
« Last Edit: June 28, 2018, 06:30:20 pm by Leanne Melior » Logged

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Serj Eason
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« Reply #1 on: June 28, 2018, 03:55:14 pm »

I hate anxiety Cheesy It's dispersed considerably since I gave up caffeine but it can still hurt me..!
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Leanne Melior
Hoagie's pet
The Light Company
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« Reply #2 on: June 28, 2018, 04:11:58 pm »

I hate anxiety Cheesy It's dispersed considerably since I gave up caffeine but it can still hurt me..!
Yeah it's bloody bollocks >_> I really don't want to give up caffeine
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Leanne Melior
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« Reply #3 on: June 28, 2018, 07:25:02 pm »

I know you will miss me
Even if you have to go now
No more violins when we kiss
I just didn't know it'll come

I hope my words don't make it worse
Just forget your pride for once!
I know you still love me!

So this was it all? Like in a lovesong
Can't we find a solution? Like in a lovesong
The opportunity is just too small. Like in a lovesong
But I only love you

So much has become a habit
But that is always the danger
Routine has taken its place
Until you couldn't take it anymore

I know you will miss me
I already miss you
I miss the violins, miss to kiss you
Nothing on this world that could replace you
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Leanne Melior
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« Reply #4 on: July 06, 2018, 07:58:33 pm »

A dead body floats in the pond.
My glance fell on her,
I saw her right away.

A dead body floats in the pond.
Was it an accident,
or was it a murder?

She floats on her stomach.
And from here it looks,
she might just dozing.

A peaceful scenery
she looks like she's redeemed.

A dead body floats in the pond.
I sit on the grass,
a dog walks pass me.

A dead body floats in the pond.
I'm sure someone will inform
the police.

I'd like to show her to you,
but you're not here.
Suddenly you vanished,
I hope nothing happened to you.

A dead body floats in the pond.
I sit in the shade,
and just keep watching her.

A dead body floats in the pond.
She has your figure
and she wears your shoes.

I get a bit sad,
why, I don't know.
I think, a bit,
she reminds me of you.

A dead body floats in the pond.
Is someone searching for her?
Is someone missing her?

A dead body floats in the pond.
I would like to ask you
if you know who she is.

I waited for days for you
and I wonder where, where could you be?
I don't give up,
that you at least write or call.

A dead body floats in the pond.
I keep wondering,
why no one does anything.

There is no dead body in the pond.
Because I digged up a hole,
in the deepest night.

I carried her to the grave.
She was soaked and so cold,
yet still it was nice.

It was pretty dark,
I didn't see her face.

I don't know where you are now,
but I hope you don't forget me.
Until you'll come back,
that's how long I'll wait,
for you...
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Leanne Melior
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« Reply #5 on: July 13, 2018, 05:33:14 pm »

The morning sets, I'm awake.
I lay in bed and start to think.
My heart is full, but someone's missing.
I'd like to told you so much more.

Being sad makes no sence.
The sun keeps shining after all.
But that is what is shit,
the sun it shines, like it doesn't matter.

It's getting bright, I feel empty.
I wished, it wouldn't be like that.
You never stand, back at my door.
The sun it shines. I hate it for it.

Being sad makes no sence.
The sun keeps shining after all.
That makes the pain oh so brutal,
the sun it shines, like it doesn't care.

And if you sweat or if you freeze,
and if you dwell into madness,
if you waste alone in the mud.
The sun it shines, like nothing happened.

It's not like in a movie,
the hero dies last there,
so you don't have to bear to long,
without him by your side.

It's not like in a movie,
you can't just leave,
and you can't just rewind,
to just not see the end!

Being sad makes no sence.
The sun keeps shining after all.
But that is what is shit,
the sun it shines, like it doesn't matter.

I don't know what the future brings,
and if this might sound corny:
I have cried for you tonight.
I wish that the sun shines for you...
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Leanne Melior
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« Reply #6 on: July 15, 2018, 12:30:30 pm »

Tears burn
On her cheeks
Fear entangles
Her spirit
She's trapped
In this state
While he
Tears her apart

Forth, back
And forth again
His heartbeat
Is now the beat
In her pain
He feels pleasure
Alone his needs
Decide the act

In her wounds
He takes
With all of his
Force
Her silent plead
He enjoys
Inside of her it burns
His manly juice

Just pain
Is the world
For the small
Childs soul
All innocence
Now breaks
No sound emerges
From her voice

Desecrated
Her whole life
Taken
All her happiness
Living in fear
Submitted to him
His belonging
For eternety
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Leanne Melior
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« Reply #7 on: July 17, 2018, 03:53:29 pm »

Here in my house down by the river
that's were I hide, waiting in shivers
here in my house live the saint and the killer
jeckyll and hyde, the rivers of liquor

here in your house, down by my river
tragedy flows, my aching liver
here in my house down by the river
that's were I hide, waiting in shivers

I can break through the stair on the airway and heal my very last wounds
i am the final resistance
gimme one last chance

with these tears in my eyes
kill the beast
I'm alive

you can break me in parts
i'm going down
with all shattering lies and the air burns tonight

you can't break me in parts
i'm gonna cut you down
this is the last day in my life

goodbye cruel world
i am survived

these are my last words,
should scatter the skies
me and the scars
in the airways tonight



Goodbye weak me - hello independet me 🤘
« Last Edit: July 17, 2018, 07:09:06 pm by Leanne Melior » Logged

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Leanne Melior
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« Reply #8 on: July 20, 2018, 04:15:17 pm »

Love is like a sharp sword,
often the knifes whet.
And with feelings you easely
hurt someone dearly.

Love is like feeling happy,
how vast the flames burn,
doesn't matter if the day is bad or not
true love keeps them together.

Love is like a proud castle,
it wants to be conquered,
and if the knight charming enough
resistance is futile.

Love is like a beautiful dream,
Joy and songs of happiness,
don't be sad when it's over,
Love always returns.
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Leanne Melior
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« Reply #9 on: July 25, 2018, 08:47:45 am »

What do they see when they look at me?
Who are they to judge me
If they never spoke with me
Never looked without laughing
Never tried to see, see me
I can't believe that it is only me
The person to hate
The only left out
I can't believe how they can be so mean
If they could feel the brutal stings of their words
And the bitter cold when they laugh
Once more I'm running
Running away, I must hide
Can't take anymore
A fight to free me from an endless struggle with life
Running, tell me how far should I go
If they're all the same
This fight
I'm fighting my way through
I don't really want to be like them
The way they behave
The way that they live
I don't really need someone
No people like that
Someone in a world with wars and respite
A world without the feeling
I must be running



Come enter, here's my world
Closed off from pain and cold
Come enter, come inside
A secret place of light
'Cause in this world I'm rid of you, you can't get through
So here I am and I'm beautiful
and all my friends would say the same
So here I am; and you cannot deny that I am someone you'd embrace
I am the queen; I'm pure and loved by everyone
Come enter, here's my code
Through the world wide wire you'll know
The queen of her own world
My story; meet my life
So now you see, there is another me
Not someone insecure and strange
My father's will in here, it doesn't mean a thing
And I don't fear his violent rage
I am the queen; you know I'm loved by everyone
Come enter, here's my code
Through the world wide wire you'll know
The queen of her own world

Stop dreaming and wake up
Your silly world is not what's real
This world of fake friends
and computers, digital deceit
This cyber wall
is built to break out or hold
The choice is yours,
will you dream or see what's real?


Oh...no, no more
Just let me be alone with myself
These conflicting thoughts increase my doubts
I am the queen, I must be loved!
This so-called 'wall' is there to protect
a life controlled by keys, closed off from pain and cold



My mind is under an attack,
although no one sees
My past is pounding in the back of my memories
It's always there to poison my mind with all I do
Feelings I know so well seem to come back
as if nothing's ever changed
Fear was one of the reasons to crawl away into a world I lost
I know the rules, I play the game
but somehow it always stays the same
In spite of my will, in spite of my hope, in spite of it all
Nothing will change,
nothing is done for the victim I am forced to remain
Cause these days make you feel, and you are on your own

Study, work hard, marry,
reproduce and become the perfect model
Can you stand the test of time if life is a vicious circle
without the mirror of another path


So for those who believe in this life
spin right on the circle must be round
Every turn has its vortex, you'll drown if nobody warns you
and shows you another circle of life
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Leanne Melior
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« Reply #10 on: July 26, 2018, 06:49:53 pm »

Sitting in a dark room
Glancing at the bloody tool
Will you cut it and be done with?
End the circle

Do it! Do it fast!
No one will shed a tear
You're worthless
Miserable! Disgusting!

You should never have been born
They told you, over and over
Hiding in your fantasies
Like a child, pathetic and weak

Or take the pills and take a bath
Slowly drift away
Until you are breathless
Forever and ever, free

You're scared, you shake
Let the tears flow
Taste the salt
Vanish, no one will miss you

Drown yourself in alcohol
Drink yourself to sleep
You can do it, just swig it
And another, and another

But no, you can't
Because you're after all
Just a miserable something
Worthless, weak, useless

No one will be with you
Except for me, forever
I will never fade
No matter how much you try

I'm here to take you
I'm here to rape you
Poison your mind
Intoxicate your thoughts

What is that you say?
You love her?
That angel of yours?
Pathetic, weak, useless!

You couldn't tell her then
You can't tell her now
She wouldn't return it
It's dumb - you're dumb

Come and let it go
It's a nice day to die
Goodbye cruel world
It shall be your last goodbye

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Leanne Melior
Hoagie's pet
The Light Company
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Posts: 837


Pickles' Shadow


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« Reply #11 on: August 12, 2018, 10:41:07 pm »

Grey wind blows around the corner,
doesn't care for house nor man nor tree.
Fog is follows many roads.
Coldness wraps itself around me.

The heart goes tired,
and slowly the blink of the eyes.
The feelings drift slowly
in life's dark grave.

All lust is frozen,
behind walls as thick as ice.
Nothing remembers of happiness,
only longing silently breaths.

Grey wind blows around the corner,
blows me sadness in my face.
My luck it has gone with a scare,
Emptiness and almost no light.

But as much as I feel it,
that I'm being left out,
I only left myself,
for the search of a greater sense.

Many people I once served,
effort, success and vanity...
Just for myself I forgot
in the sea of emptiness this time.

What I searched, I couldn't find,
the place was chosen poorly.
Outside I can't find,
what is missing in my heart.

Only I can give,
what the heart wants.
Love, appreciation, life -
all is just in reach.

It is time to go home,
to the door of my heart,
'cause luck it waited a long time,
only my heart knows who I am.

Grey wind blows around the corner,
doesn't care for house nor man nor tree.
Only the sun can make it go away,
the sun and my confidence and you.


(in appreciation of Pickles, that you are always there for me  Kiss )
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Leanne Melior
Hoagie's pet
The Light Company
Covian Legend
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Posts: 837


Pickles' Shadow


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« Reply #12 on: August 17, 2018, 04:50:32 pm »

Something infests me when I'm alone
it's lunacy
I want to vomit, spit out my life
so queer is seems

Retract your reverence and slander me
I'm the traitor of mine
a close-up picture of my lost chastity
there's nothing left of me anymore

And no rain can wash away those bloody tears
as sweet sounds of destruction reach my ears
red lips like roses call my name
but laughter is all the woman of now hears

In gloom I wander, it batters me
though I subsist of it
the smell of incense arouses me
abeyance maddens me

A ginger sunset is my caress
as I expire
as music's fading I fade within
there's nothing left of me anymore

And no rain can wash away those bloody tears
as sweet sounds of destruction reach my ears
red lips like roses call my name
but laughter is all the woman of now hears
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