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| | |-+  Issue 8: BARONIAL BOTTOM BLOTTER BUSTED! CRIME WAVE CONTINUES!
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Author Topic: Issue 8: BARONIAL BOTTOM BLOTTER BUSTED! CRIME WAVE CONTINUES!  (Read 2941 times)
Covetowne Gazette
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« on: July 16, 2018, 11:07:22 pm »

Hear ye, hear ye!


Cove remains gripped in the height of a most horrendous crime wave! Even the Baron himself has become a victim, having been viciously assaulted by an image of crudely drawn buttocks dispatched by the local criminal vagrant known as Hagarman, who is assumed to be the accomplice of wanted criminal Grassman! In response to the Grenadier's failure to quell the crisis, Corporal Torrak Keres has gotten the boot!


Wisely at the recent Sunday parade the Baron replaced tired old Keres, with new bright eyed Keres - the corporal switched out for his younger and more female sibling, Cailin Keres. This inspired Baronial choice is already paying dividends, as she immediately tracked down and apprehended Hagarman who in a desperate attempt to escape justice, took freshly arrived citizen Felix Stickleback hostage!




A tense hostage stand off took place, but the quick thinking new Grenadier leader outsmarted the ne'er-do-well and dispensed swift justice! The injured Felix Stickleback was treated at the scene by 'Mad Doc' Kobra and is expected to lead a normal, if traumatised life



Hagarman is expected to pay a full five thousand gold fine, and face Baronial buttocks branding for his nefarious crimes! Not so CHEEKY now!? Another grand Covian victory!

RUMOURS:

§ 'Mad Doc' Kobra starts orphanage adopting local urchins, all are to apply within the barracks

§ Restless dead seen haunting Covian lands, Vesperian wytches blamed

§ Influx of new citizens drives Covian house prices to record levels! Small shack sold for 43 goats!

CAN THE NEW CADET RESTORE ORDER TO COVE OR IS THIS BOUT OF BOTTOM BASED BUFFONERY ONLY THE BEGINNING?

FIND OUT IN THE NEXT ISSUE OF THE COVETOWNE GAZETTE, COVE'S MOST WIDELY USED COATING FOR THE HOMELESS!
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Leanne Martin
Hoagie's pet
The Light Company
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Pickles' Shadow


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« Reply #1 on: July 17, 2018, 07:27:20 am »

*Leanne writes a letter to the Covian Gazette*

Dear Gazette,

Word on the street sais, Commander Grayner is cheating his way to the top of the Huntsmaster Top Score. He might be stealing the trophies from other hunters.

Regards,
Leanne Melior
Leso Varen

A concerned Citizen
« Last Edit: July 17, 2018, 07:55:56 am by Leanne Melior » Logged

2x Covian Seal ⚜ Rage of Raaz ⚜ 2x Ribbon of Activity ⚜ Order of Leadership ⚜ The Richter's Crest ⚜ Order of Distinction ⚜ Jhelom Campaign ⚜ Coalition against Undead ⚜ Liberation of Nu'jelm
Hoagie
Cove Command
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Actually a Corporal


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« Reply #2 on: July 18, 2018, 08:32:08 am »

Dear Gazette,

I saw Officer Cadet Melior take performance enhancing drugs before her big (and failed!) trophy hunt.

Is there no depths she will not sink to to defeat that handsome Commander?

Yours sincerely,
Anonymous
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*Signed*
Hoagie Grayner, Commander
⚔ The Richter Crest ⚔ The Covian Seal ⚔ Order of Recruitment ⚔ Minoc Liberation Campaign ⚔ Kaldor Line Campaign ⚔ Vesper Civil War ⚔

Raiden Morana
Cove Command
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Hup! Hup!


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« Reply #3 on: July 18, 2018, 09:09:55 am »

*peering over Hoagie's shoulder in the officer's mess as he pens the note, Raiden smirks and searches out quill and parchment.*

Dear Gazette,

In light of Anonymous' correspondence, I'd like to clarify that I am no longer Commander.

Sincerely yours.

*signed*

Raiden Morana,
Captain,
Covian Army.
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Retired Commander & Grenadier Captain.

Holder of The Richter Crest, The Baron's Cross, The Covian Seal (x2), Rage Of Raaz.

Veteran of The Kaldorian Line, First Minoc Campaign, Vesper Campaign, Yew Campaign, Second Minoc Campaign, The Border Wars, Vesperian Civil War & The Great Combine.

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