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Author Topic: When the sun rises  (Read 3956 times)
Amy Marsteller
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« on: October 12, 2006, 07:52:08 pm »

[Just a little poem I wrote this weekend...Comments please!  Wink ]

When the sun rises,
While the birds chirp,
After the morning dew settles,
Before the smell of sweet honey drifts through the house,
My Saturday morn' begins.

As I gently glide from my bed-chamber,
While the fog outside the window begins to clear,
So that the majestic sky is seen,
When the sun rises,
I find my peace.

Before the worries crash upon me,
Before the mopping and sweepping,
Before the working and schooling,
When the sun rises,
I hold my lovely lady in my arms.

As I breathe in the sweet air,
Before the smog and smoke emanates from the streets,
I can see the real beauty,
When the sun rises.

Amy I. Marsteller
« Last Edit: October 13, 2006, 01:36:01 am by Amy Marsteller » Logged
Mela Arkay
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« Reply #1 on: October 13, 2006, 01:11:09 am »

I like it, its a good way of describing things and your a poet without rhyming which I CAN'T seem to do.

One thing I need to nitpick at though

Quote
When the sun rises,
While the bird chirp,

Is that supposed to be "While the birdS chirp"? or "While the bird chirps"?
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Amy Marsteller
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« Reply #2 on: October 13, 2006, 01:35:49 am »

Whoopsie! Forgot the S! *Edits*
*Whistles*
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Raiden Morana
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« Reply #3 on: October 13, 2006, 06:59:48 am »

I'm not really a big poetry fan - but i really like this.

I think it's a very engaging and well written piece (though you already know I think the second line of the last verse is a bit of a mouthfull Tongue)

But like i said i'm definately no expert.

*thumbs up*

Nice one!  Wink
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« Reply #4 on: October 20, 2006, 11:31:15 pm »

Hmm I am no skilled writter and cheery stuff isnt my normal like but this was very well written, aside from some chirps and birds Grin If only morning could always be that way Again, goodshow mate!
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« Reply #5 on: December 23, 2006, 09:20:00 pm »

Very nice, Honestly as an actual writer, very nice.
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