56 Rules to be a true Covian

[Leanne Martin]

1. Be hetero. But don't use that word, it sounds to intelligent, and therefor not hetero.
2. Don't be a poser. Wear a tan kilt and feel yourself always as dressed well.
3. Yes, even during a baptism - Although you don't have anything to search there, poser!
4. Hate posers and their friends, as well as people that go to a baptism and know words like hetero.
5. Jump posers in their backs, strangle them with chains, stomp on their heads and roll yourself in his intestines. That's called kilt-consecration.
6. Stand in a battle always at front line and scream your neighbour so loud in his ear, that his brain will explode.
7. Let your hair fly that "true", that even the winds of Avarice don't dare to blow.
8. Don't be Dave Williams, not even if the woman with the *******posertaste in front of you has gigantic tits.
9. If you are like Dave Williams, then don't act like you're "true", not even northern. We don't even want to talk about Covian in this case. Rebecca is probably more "true" and Sineal Walker probably more Covian.
10. Let your hair grow. For ever and always.
11. Wear only Covian uniform. Buy yourself some cabinets to store all these suits.
12. You also have other stuff to wear? Eww... Burn it.
13. Sober is boring and therefor not hetero nor Covian or acceptable. Fix that.
14. In summer you're to slay random royalists. Daily. Never sober. Too exhausting? Whimp!
15. Tell everyone about your glorius battles. Focus should be on where you took a pee, the whole ******* posers and their ugly uniforms. And beer.
16. Cleaning yourself is not Covian! Cleaning with Dave Williams is absolutly not Covian, cleaning with the baron is probably Covian.
17. Eat only stuff from killed cans. Spice for everything: beer.
18. Shout at the troops as loud as possible. They find that great and march as a true group against the enemy.
19. While no one speaks, shout at them to fix the line. Might be possible they forget it otherwise.
20. You kick and slay and scream, but why haven't you a beer in your hand? Poser!
21. Quote Torrak and Hoagie. Or Eason and Darek. Or in doubt you may try Kas.
22. Never quote a non-Covian. That way you admit, that there is anything else.
23. Covians must be always  loud. Every geezer has a right to hear Covians.
24. You play your Covian until ML. Every further expansion is posertaste. Kill every further, not Covian expansion.
25. Good roles out of history: Vikings (Senceless brutality, long hair and alcohol), Mongols (extrem senceless brutality, long hawt tails old horsemilk), Chinese during the Shan time (senceless brutality, long hair and alcohol)
26. Good food: Killed mammut or poser, blood from something else you killed, and to that beer. No whine, you poser.
27. Look down at every non-Covian and pity them for their fate of being a non-Covian.
28. Search a woman that is as Covian as you. Knock her down and drag her into your cave or hostage her with your boat. You know, whatever is nearer.
29. Make notes of every Covian soldier. Tell everyone if someone wasn't 100% Covian.
30. Greet with a salute. The correct term is "hail". "Good day" is a no-go!
31. Don't be like Mela!
32. Hate the axis of evil: Whimps - Posers - Royalists
33. Your voice is there to make Royalists deaf!
34. Whimp! Hearing with 35 is not Covian!
35. Covians keep it in. For ever and always.
36. Be tattood.
37. A dolphin as tattoo? I'll kill you with my axe!!
39. Beard = hair, so let it grow.
40. Knowing what a vegetarian is, is not Covian!
41. Metal and leather. Black and tan. That's all a Covian must have.
42. No, blue leather pants are not allowed!
43. Royalists are everywhere and don't go away. Slay them!
44. You can also eat them, if mammuts and posers are out.
45. Buy yourself an axe. It must have many runes and hundres of cut sheets, even if that makes it completely useless.
46. While you're doing this, buy a helm. It must have long horns. The longer, the more Covian!
47. Yes, you can wear this everywhere.
48. Idolice Raiden. You haven't built a shrine for him and bathed it with batblood? No? Not Covian!
49. If you don't have beer (Whimp!), drink Whiskey. Buy beer even though, the whiskey might go out.
50. To f*** drunk is Covian.
51. Good roles from history and tales: Medusa (Hair!), Samson (Hair!), Trolls (Acting and eating), Rumpelstilzchen (Jig-fu).
52. Your sash has still free spots? Ha! You poser are in since 1981! And I don't ******* care if you weren't born then!
53. You wash your kilt as often as you wash yourself. And no, not even the Baron is allowed to.
54. But he's allowed to lick it.
55. But not to clean! The dirt are badges of honour.
56. Don't let anyone allow you to bring you from your path. As long as you're Covian and will stay Covian, you're always right.

[Darek Milako]

True Covians always quote the greatest! Plus in my day if you didn't quote a superior Covian then you were hung by your toes and had honey spread on your body then put into a bear's den! We should bring back those days!
   ~Signed~                       
  Regular Grenadier Darek *The Great, Batman, Bronzed Eagle, Best Archer, True Covian, That Guy, Sexiest Man" Milako

[Alfred Bohr]

Hey Ily,
  Just a few queries here, first of which being about the hair. Not that it pertains to Alf', but as for following Hoagie and Eason... well, to put it simply, they're bald. So how does that fit in, considering they are our elders and betters (or just craziers)? >.>
  Secondly, could you possibly explain number 31, please?

  Thirdly, and possibly least importantly, what do you mean by number 1, exactly?

  I know Alf' isn't really any sort of authority on Covian ways, and I don't really have the right to question your wisdom, but I would like to put in this polite request.

  Thank you, Ily ^_^

-Alfred Bohr

[Leanne Martin]

Oh 'Fred...

Those "rules" are based on cliches, meaning, how other RP guilds see a typical Covian (hairy, loud, uneducated (explains number 1) and out of anything being normal)

Things about Mela or Dave Williams are insiders. Rule 31 doesn't need any explanation

[Marcus Kobra]

Rule thirtyone is why we have order 66.

[Darek Milako]

Mela....havent heard her name in AGES.....Damn Eric marryin her and givin her his last name! bah!!! i remember her well tho, damn scouts!

[Alfred Bohr]

I recognised the general joking nature of the "rules", yes, but I didn't realise we had cliches. I'm so still curious as to whether I'm allowed to know about the whole... "Mela" thing. I know Eric Arkay is a great Covian legend, at least. And for Dave Williams, I have heard enough to know what that's about ^_^' (Not Order 66 o.O)

-Alf'

[Leanne Martin]

Order 66 is from Star Wars, young padavan

As for Mela... I wouldn't want to talk bad about someone I personally only met about 4 times IG (altho each meeting made me feel like I'm worthless). I'm sure Hoagie can tell you more about her if you really wish to know more.

[Alfred Bohr]

I know where Order 66 is from. I'm not that much of a normal person.

...I just wanted to know what the legend was, but fair. >.> Maybe I should ask Kas. He may spin a story about evil horses but we'll see.

...Waitaminute. I just reread that to if I missed anything and I seriously did. What?? *Hugs* Ily, you're awesome. Don't you let anyone make you forget that, telepathic powers or nay.

^_^