Diaries of an exile

[Tingleith]

Firstly too note this dairy is far from in chronological order mainly because time has worn my memory.


The beginning
I first met the covians in lord blackthorns castle in britannia as i was watching some sort of possible political debate they looked like a crazy bunch and it was certainly an entertaining spectacle though i left the meeting early to go set about on my journeys around sosaria too see what the lands offered.

One faithful day i was strolling across sosaria after what felt like an eternity of previously strolling about trying to find my place in this world i happened upon a moongate.

I thought hell i'm going to take a chance and dived right into it not worrying about the journey or the destination it turned out i landed in a place called luna so i made for the point of most gathering be it the bank and there i spotted an army of people wearing tan kilts and sashes they weren't the most elequent bunch but they had a real salt of the earth charm to them they kindly asked me if i would like to have adventure gold and glory in my life and i ofcourse accepted this then they led me to a little town which goes by the name of cove for a parade they were going to throw the name of the man who escorted me to cove was Kyte he was a kind soul he took me into a nearby distillery and had a word with me about the rules and regulations of the covian army and questioned me on my motives and drive to join them which i answered all of his questions and apparently made the cut which left me with a beaming grin on my face.

Later that day i attended this parade along with another recruit who was signing up to the covian forces i think his name was Dalketh if memory serves me correctly he turned up with no shoes like really what self respecting man turns up to a recruitment without any shoe's.

The baron addressed me by some odd random name despite asking my name he called me tinglesworth but hey can't be picky and choosy with the name im given by a man of such stature so i rolled with it and took the oath pledging my alliegiance to cove.

The same day we were led back into britain to a huge event involving some golden bafoon who was promplty dispatched by the covians and definately had no other forces involved in the skirmish "for the glory o' cove" and all that.

This concludes the first entry to my diary and more shall be too come when my memory inspires me to take quill to parchment.

Signed
Tingleith, Guardsman Recruit

[Tingleith]

As I look upon the starless skies I started to reflect upon the actions and choices I have made...

Gently sobbing in the corner of a dimly lit room in a chokingly terrifying daze I couldn't help but think how I could have done  things better how I could have brought her with me rather than left on such a catastrophic note....

Pulling myself up and dusting myself off I clawed a shred of optimism that I could once see her again regardless of the consequences...

Stumbling back down into my knees reality had struck that I'll never see her again and the place we once shared and called our little retreat no longer existed as much more than a painful pile of rubble....

To end this slump I shall soldier on concentrate on my new life and just try to forget about her after all it's how she would have wanted me to be right?......

[Tingleith]

As I sit within this dank cell reflecting upon my actions, I come to the conclusion that given the choice I'd have changed almost all my actions and I find through the scars, the wounds, the anger, the hate my hunger for blood grows my psyche crumbles and my grip on reality and self control fade away like the ashes from a flame...

Unbeknownst to me what my fate is next to hold I'd love to be that innocent child I once was and have hopes and dreams I really would but there's nothing binding me too this world nothing to keep me from falling over the edge so in turn I ponder with the reasoning of questioning why should I bother even trying to change perceptions of myself when no matter my actions ill eternally hold the scars and brandings of scum forever untrusted....

To one guardsmans credit garshinkle he bound my wounds and has taken his time to show concern for me and my health too which I am eternally greatful for and would return in full with my life and soul though having the latter of the two would make that blood oath all the more worthy...

Once I drag myself back out of this cell I shall be sure to do all within my being to repay the kindness to garshinkle and also Sheri despite her absolute despise of me she was kind enough to give me a tincture to help my recovery which was highly unexpected and shall also be repaid in turn when I find the chance and the words to say...

Signed, Tingleith Untrusted Watchman

*falls asleep in bloodstained rags clutching the parchment this note is written upon*
[ooc basically if you choose to you can claim to have found and read this note]

[Tingleith]

With the words liberation freshly running from my lips I ponder the lives that I took in service of the baron, questioning whether micro-genocide was the path I'd truly imagined myself upon when I first enlisted as that young and hope filly child...

Trouble not as reflecting further I found justification in the actions I had carried out as service to the baron as without the baron cove wouldn't have taken me in and I'd still be wandering sosaria searching for a life with purpose I guess Sacrifice is necessary to discover one's true self.

What is currently haunting my psyche is the new guard who strutted along last night the man is an utter simpleton I fear he holds the same fate as the unlucky garshinkle, let's hope he doesn't and makes his path in the world not following in my footsteps.

Young blood freshly sizzled on the ground I found that my young arcanist comrade has finally been bestowed with a branding I'm happy for the lass the slight sting of searing flesh is nothing compared to the scorching flames of a pyre.

Signed, Tingleith

[Tingleith]

*a page ruined with the smeared ink caused by tears *

I often carry the outward facade of a homicidal maniac who dreams of nothing but betrayal and blood, In a sense I thrive on the benefits it brings the ability to distance myself from fellow guardsman and keep from falling into the trap known as "friendship" for I swore after the death of dear garshinkle that I'd never care for another as long as I live the emotional strain of losing them is just too much to handle.

Yet I regress into a state of forming bonds with others only to have myself rejected by them from my past transgressions a curse that could be a disguised blessing but still it hurts.

I find within myself that I'm slowly confronting the daemons that have haunted me for so long from a childhood of slavery and torture, certainly I'll never be a well rounded individual but perhaps rather than fleeing from emotions and pain I should challenge them head on, honestly seeking counsel on the matters may be best but alas cove isn't exactly renowned for it's mental health care yet i still feel it could be worth getting off my chest to someone more experienced on these matters mayhaps doctor kobra.

It seems I plundered myself into a grave mistake by angering that wytch senior arcanist drachen lass which is a conflict only time will reveal its consequence as I really don't want to swing my axe at a superior officer but if the situation occurs I won't hesitate to cut her down if she doesn't burn me to a cinder first, let's hope she has a poor memory....

On the flip side I met a lovely young recruit called gwen who seems to be adamant on chasing the covian dream of becoming a grenadier all power to the lass and I'll try my best to aid her where I can in her aspirations as she resonates as what I could have been would it have not been for my past.

Signed, Chelly Rothsmire "Tingleith", Untrusted Watchman

[Tingleith]

Gazing upon this journal backtracking upon my words, I realise the mistakes I've made are the contributing to my displeasure truly a product of my creation, henceforth i'll use this hatred channel it into battle to conquer the vesperian nation carry on push strong covian's weave tales of victory all in the barons name.

We don't need gold.
We don't need glory.

Most of all we don't need fame the main block doth dally with scallywags, it doth tarry with its convictions.
The only bread and butter we need is defending the covian lands from the scourge of guardian afflictions.

We will parry the pain slice the sinners and bay the heathens daily.
I swore an eternal oath in the barons name of that a soldiering covian lady, our might is eternal we cannot be put down.

We ever fulfil our duty by holding the crown, this land of ours may be small, but its heart is the largest.
You can rest assured if there's a fight we’re the ones who started it.
No dilly dallying with words down with the narration driving an axe into thy enemies with no hesitation.

All in all, short facts to summarise there's no need to disguise the personal pains inside.
Instead we share them with our comrades until we meet our demise, stay true to ourselves in the utmost adversity cove isn't a swamp a den of heresy or a fancy town it’s a proud nation the land of the crown

Signed, Chelly Rothsmire Untrusted Watchman

[Tingleith]

Nujel'm campaign injury log

Day one : I sustained a deep cut to my left inner forearm at the hands of a vesperian blade.
Treatment : I proceeded to pour whisky into the wound, heated the flat of my broadsword and pressed it onto the flesh to stop the bleeding.
Conclusion : My arm is near shot there's no physical way I can hold a shield, I will have wield a single weapon bearing most of the weight and force on my right arm.

Reasoning For Self Care : The medical station was busy tending to those who deserved care and needed attention much more than I.

Signed, Chelly Rothsmire

[Tingleith]

As of late I've been spending more and more time getting to know our yewish comrades, they are a colourful bunch some real characters amongst them.

Sward, An absolute giant of a man, salt of the earth seems very focused on women and ale which is a lifestyle I can get behind all credit to him.

Tripps, A very stalwart fellow strong convictions and a true warrior, makes for a great training partner and is a great strategist.

Wilkes, Now this fellah is very fast to snap me back into line if I'm getting out of hand, once I see that crossbow I know it's time to run and curb my behaviour but overall he's a laugh.

Ellis, the young trainee seems to have a bright future ahead of him once he works on his bowmanship, he's been doing well learning how to work in a unit.

Calci, this young lass is tremendously adorable has a talent for bringing a smile to you're face with her naivety, let's hope she toughens up though as cuteness doesn't win wars.

Art, well where do I start he's currently unable to talk due to a church punishment from what I've heard, he's like a little stuffed bear ironically as he seems to love his stuffies, I may have slaughtered a cat to try and bait him into violence as his pascivist nature is going to get him killed in this war, I've gone about apologising as I felt really bad for what I did and he seemed most pleased at the bundle of gifts I bestowed upon him. Reacting by squeezing me to death with a hug.

Aries, I've had my ups and downs with the way watcher I personally find her likeable nature infuriating as it's something I can't naturally achieve, I regret the betrayal to her I performed in the past but she seems to have let bygones be bygones and got over it.

Kros, the ol' seadog doesn't know whether I'm friend or foe from what I gathered, he took about ridiculing my "yeller" ship faster than I could react.

Larynda, I haven't had many chances to communicate face to face with her she seems stern and pleasant.
 
Overall my time spent getting to know our allies better has done me some good, Its given me a feeling of safety in battle knowing those who have our back aren't bumbling bafoons.

[Tingleith]

Blood doesn't wash away.

Sins cannot be undone.

Lies cannot be untold

My mind never ceases to unfold.

Torn between reality and insanity.

An ethereal twist.

Hurtling onwards on a ball.

Flowing through time and space.

Which is the true me.

The smiley carefree face.

That beholder dwells within.

Lost dreams of beauty and grace.

Losing feeling through dust and shade.

I swore I wouldn't fade.

For tomorrow we go to battle.

Thinking will this be my last raid.

Sunny shores blood red sands.

I defiled this nation.

With my own two hands.

Life essence drained away.

Ever repeating that day.

Did they deserve it.

Was it truly in service.

An ever lasting guilty crown.

The slaughter of a desert town.

Sick games I chose to play.

Shall haunt me till my dying day.

[Tingleith]

Learning to live again.

Breaking the accursed mindset.

Clinging onto humanity.

A relieved sigh for sanity.

Focused on forging bonds.

Rather than shattering them.

Honing my war axe.

For things other than vengeance.

Fighting for others.

Expelling concerns of thyself.

No longer taking this sitting down.

Excited for times of joy.

Evading the burdens of sorrow.

It's finally the time.

I go to sleep.

Dreaming of tomorrow.

No more despair and nightmares.

No more favours overdrawn.

It isn't the time for reflecting.

Or for feelings of scorn.

They'll never be a better time.

To renew one's guiding virtues.

For a day with improvements.

Is the path that I choose.

Heart as warm as a pyre.

Smile as wide as a boat.

Wait did that officer just strap a bow to a goat.

[Tingleith]

How many days have passed like this?
The city the crowd is fading, moving on
I sometimes have wondered where you've gone
Story carries on, lonely lost inside
I had this dream so many times
The moments we've spent have passed and gone away
Could there be an end to this, what I'm feeling deep inside
You know there's no looking back

Glassy sky above
As long as I'm alive you will be part of me
Glassy sky, the cold, the broken pieces of me

The mystery of it I recall
Suddenly the truth will change the way we fall
I didn't want to hurt you, hope you know
Empty promises, shattered dreams of love
Sometimes I wonder what's beyond
I tried many times to make it up to you
Can somebody tell me what to do
Thought we're meant to be, there's no going back
Time has already come, sun is gone and no more shadows
Can't give up, I know, and this life goes on
I'll be strong, I'll be strong till I see the end

Glassy sky above
As long as I survive you will be part of me
Glassy sky the cold, the broken pieces of me
Glassy sky above, covers over me, over me.

[Tingleith]

There's a point where it tips, there's a point where it breaks
There's a point where it bends and a point we just can’t take
Anymore.
There's a line that we’ll cross and there’s no return;
There's a time and a place, no bridges left to burn anymore
We can’t just wait with lives at stake
Until they think we’re ready.
Our enemies are gathering
The storm is growing deadly.

Now it's time to say goodbye.
To the things we loved and the innocence of youth
How the time seemed to fly.
From our carefree lives and the solitude and peace we always knew.

There's a day when we’ll fight and we’re not gonna fall.
There's a day when we’ll stand.
And a day when we won’t crawl anymore.
There’s a moment in time and there’s no going back
When we’re pushed too hard and we won’t hold our attack
Anymore.
We can’t just cling to childish things
As evil just grows closer.
Humanity’s in jeopardy
This fight is far from over.

Now it's time to say goodbye.
To the things we loved and the innocence of youth
With a doubt in our minds.
Why we chose this life and at times we can’t help wondering...

Were we born to fight and die?
Sacrificed for one huge lie?
Are we heroes keeping peace?
Or are we weapons
Pointed at the enemy.
So someone else can claim a victory?

Now it's time to say goodbye.
To the things we loved and the innocence of youth
How the time seemed to fly.
From our carefree lives and the solitude and peace we always knew.

[Tingleith]

Often I find myself pushed to denounce my heritage, You are "Covian" is the label I often sustain, The truth is that is not me or my identity I'm a soldier of the barons army which is based in cove aye.

I do not consider this my home or these my people, Nonetheless I would lay down my life for the majority and for the baron himself, But this still does not make me a "Covian".

Nothing reiterates my unwelcome presence in the land better than the fact my reinstatement is yet to come, I've found this off duty time hasnt stopped me performing my duty as the badge that's rests on my sash is proof of my efforts.

Employment comes and goes upon the time I retire or the army disbands I'll first and foremost always be Jhelomian, mere words will not change who I am.

Everything seems alien to some of these folk, The mere sight of a gargoyle has them in a defensive state, Granted I distrust gargoyles and most races personally but surely they are not all of ill intentions.

Despicable acts carried out in the name of the avatar are a frequent occurance, Young footman art being an example of this in his simple mind he saw his actions as a sin so felt the need to confess, Yet they saw this as a mere ridicule and punished him for his attempt.

Heresy is often selective and frequently ignored aslong as you keep your acts out of the vision of the servants of the church.

Excuses can if planned out with enough thought buy your way out of many situations.

Laughing off your sins and living a carefree live is easy, If you have those too turn a blind eye to your actions though this is not a bashing of the church they do righteous work, But there motivations aren't always as clear as you'd think.

Prying eyes who stumble upon this journal may perceive my words in there own way, But until that happens I'll take quill to parchment documenting my thoughts and experiences, in hopes they prove of use to unguided minds.

[Tingleith]

*Wakes up covered in blood with nothing but her journal, her mace and a massive hangover *

Last night I made the grave mistake of venturing around some of sosarias more remote bizarre taverns, Along the way I met a variety of travellers and taints knocking back mystery drinks I were bought one after another.

Slowly I started to lose control more and more of myself, Not sure these beverages were just standard liquors that's taints for you, I recall nothing of the night past starting to glug from a tankard in skara brea.

.... Suddenly I woke up in a dim odourous room unaware of my surroundings or were I'd ended up, I stumbled tenderheaded towards a door prized it open with my trusty mace only to be greeted by a large demon, I retreated back into the room gathered myself as much as possible then charged headfirst out of the door clubbing the demon in the noggin.

It's dazed state gave me a window of opportunity to leg it out of this place, Running as fast as I could towards a glimmer of light I'd spotted I made my way outside, upon glancing at my surroundings I came to the realization I'd been here before this was fire Island and that dank cesspool I'd escaped wer Hythloth.

From this day I shall not touch another drop of alcohol there's no chance I'm risking myself like this again, I may not be so lucky next time therfore sobriety is a safety mechanism I shall adopt.

[Tingleith]

Upon sobering I am starting to enjoy life once again seeing the beauty in the small things, Just this afternoon I stopped by altmere sat on the grass and appreciated the flowers and my surroundings almost too much as I woke up shortly after, turns out I was that relaxed I dozed off.

Too proceed with another positive I went on a hunt led by pickles today ilyana and charas were along also, We had a riot bashing foe after foe bonding slightly in the process.

The lass I once thought was nothing but a potential threat turned out to be a very kind soul who's intentions seem to be mainly driven by her desire to support her friends, truly I didn't think I'd find her so enjoyable to be around turns out judging a book based off its cover isn't the way to be.