Echoes: a poem

[Marcus Kobra]

Echoes


I'm looking up into the night sky
And all I see are your eyes staring back at me
And they are calling out to me
And I am calling out to them so loud my own voice is drowned in the echo.

Echoes of time, echoes of memories
Echoes of dreams that are here then gone never to be heard of again.
Right out the window were love sits in the sunshine smiling back
Until we turn our back, open our eyes and look at whats on today's stack.

Crack in the door bleeds some light on the issues we hide because we cannot abide our own fears.
And with heavy tears we let our souls leak out onto each others shoulder.
Its only a matter of time before we both get older
And then the days will be all the colder but no more longer.
So we have to be stronger today in order for it all to out live the echoes....


Notes: This is one of my Happier poems, I have few enough of them as it is. . Well I'd like to know what you think.

Update: Rearanged the line set so it came out in stanzas and not flowing freeform.

[Marcus Kobra]

*bump*

[Octiovus]

I've just tried my hand at poetry myself, so I appreciate the difficulty. I think this is a good effort; perhaps inspired by a real experience?

What I would say on the improvement front (if I may be so bold), is that perhaps you might consider shorter, more concise lines. Other than that, good stuff.

[Conan Darkmoon]

 I agree with Octiovus, I think you're an excellent poet, but you could certainly shorten this one.

[Marcus Kobra]

Thank you Both Gentelmen, Ladies, Hermaphrodites, Various others that I missed.

I appreciate the feed back and the suggestions but.. for no reason will I shorten this work. It is as it should be, exactly as I wrote it in the moment.

I suffer from an "On the Spot" style of writting, my work is almsot never pre-planned... with no rough drafts.