Guardsmen attending:
Vince Valentine Grenadier Sergeant (Leading)
Raziel Richter Officer Cadet
Hoagie Officer Cadet, Dragoons
Kal shadowhand Regular Scout
Delc Regular Grenadier
This training would test us to our very limits. There would be no push ups, or laps of the arena. Oh no. But there would be dung rubbing and orc talking. Oh yes!
Our mission was to successfully infiltrate the vile orcs cave, without drawing attention to ourselves. Sneakness was to be used! Oh yes, Sneakyness, and a barrel load of swagger.
First up, we had to make sure we looked orcish. Luckily, i'd agreed a trade with a somewhat shady looking chap from serpents hold the evening before, who supplied me with five second hand Orc outfits, complete with Orcish face skin. Rather nasty I'm sure you'll agree, but necessary!
After suiting up, we practiced our Orc speak a little before heading in..
Harr! Eat covian orcish wit, vile orc!We had a little trouble with some wolves who wern't fooled by our disguise. Obviously we smelled too pretty to be Orcs, so our next step was to remedy that. How, i hear you ask? Why, by rubbing ourselves with Orc dung of course!
Smells like....crapUnfortunatly, Hoagie decided he wasn't too keen on this idea, thinking that the missus wouldn't be too pleased if he returned home smelling like Orc crap.
Women today, they're too fussy i say!
Be a man!After a little while trying to persuade him, Delc and I used a cunning method of dung application, which involved flinging the foul stuff at him, and the old stomach squash, whereby i took a handful and mashed it into his chest.
Oh, he smelt like dung after we were done, and no mistake.
Now we were fully Orced up, we proceeded deeper. Raziel displayed his Orcish speaking by...umm....making a move on one of the less hideous female Orcs...
Even I wouldn't chat that up!Indeed, we did have to nudge Raziel a couple of times, due to his 'Upper class' orcish.
Deeper still we went, stumbling upon a man who was in league with the orcs! Kal fixed his wagon, if you get my drift. You don't? *Sighs* He beat the crap out of him is what i meant...
We'd displayed our fine skills of infiltration, so we decided to head out, before we pushed our luck. It was too late though it seemed! As we turned, Behind us came a group of rather large, angry looking orcs! So we did the smart thing. We ran like a man with his arse on fire runs! A tactical retreat, but when we got to the entrance, we had an unwelcome surprise...
....BuggerA gang of Yewmen stood before us. We were indeed between a rock and a hard place. We could reveal ourselves and be attacked by them, or we could stay in disguise, and be attacked by them. Unfortunatly, i stumbled and struck my head before the decision was made, so the outcome was indeed a mystery.
I reckon we gave 'em a good beating though, as i'd been carried to the barracks when i awoke, and no injured man could carry a stout fellow like me. Another victory for the Covians, the finest guardsmen in the land! Good job lads.
*Signed* Vince Valentine
Grenadier Sergeant
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