R.U.L.K
Reach for a Rulk™ Greetings to you, fair weather bar patron of the glorious North !
As you may or may not know, there is a particular alcoholic refreshment which has been on the rise lately, the one and only
Rulk. With its creamy but potent combination of milk and rum bolstering the constitutions of men and women throughout the land, you'd be hard pressed to find a place that isn't at least aware of the drink. But what is it that makes this concoction so popular...? What is it that is prompting taverns to stock it...? Why are bar staff rigorously trained in its creation...? What is the secret behind the trend that is literally taking Britannia by storm...?
Never fear humble bar fly, these are all perfectly rational questions and
Rulk Industries respects your right to know.
Sit back, grab a suitably endorsed beverage and peruse the answers outlined below.
Rulk is....
Refreshing: Many would claim that combining milk with
anything is never going to produce a thirst quenching beverage, not so with
Rulk. Our unique brewing process ensures that the thickness of the dairy and the alcohol of the rum merge in such a way as to produce a liquid proven to be five times more refreshing than water
*. Countless expeditions across Compassion desert have been fuelled and maintained due to explorers packing their bags with pitchers of
Rulk. As recently as last year the famous adventurer Jonathan Quentin managed to survive eight weeks in the Lost Lands, subsisting on a diet of
Rulk alone. As a result of this,
Rulk Industries researchers are constantly endeavouring to locate a substance which can be said to rival the refreshing purity of
Rulk. So far the only challenger has been a pool of clear water within the walls of Luna, blessed by the paladins themselves and used in the ritual of ressurection.
Make no mistake,
Rulk will refresh you like no other beverage in Britannia, and that's guaranteed
*.
Ubiquitous: Many drinking establishments in Britannia can be relied upon by the determined
Rulk seeker, none less so than The Green Goblin of Cove. As the birthplace of the renowned white beverage, Cove is without question the first stop for perfect quality
Rulk. However, other watering holes such as The Swaggers in Vesper, The Trinsic Rose and The Yew Tree Tavern & Store have also been known to knock up worthy equivalents. Essentially any tavern, dock or household can put together a glass of
Rulk, such is the extent to which the beverage is beloved by the people of Britannia
*. It must be noted that these attempts, while encouraged by the legal representatives of
Rulk Industries, are not the genuine article.
A remedy to this situation is under-way. The leaflet you hold in your hand heralds the beginning of the
Rulk Industries enterprise, chaired by the chemical creators themselves, Thomas Aylmer and Kas Valentine. Many wheels are currently in motion to begin determined production of flawless quality
Rulk. The beverage will then be packaged and shipped to every tavern in the land, at surprisingly competitive rates. The people clamour for
Rulk, the people deserve
Rulk, the people will have
Rulk. The men and women employed by
Rulk Industries will ensure that
Rulk becomes the number one beverage in Britannia
*.
How can you help...? Simple, the next time you're sat at a bar....? Reach for a
Rulk™.
Life-giving: It is only natural that a drink as refreshing as
Rulk would possess a slew of similarly positive qualities. The reports to support this come from a veritable cross-section of modern Britannian society. Take for instance the Baroness of Gil Martin, a small township located off the north-west coast of Moonglow. Prior to her discovery of
Rulk's innately medicinal qualities the good lady suffered from a fierce skin condition which meant she would constantly be burned by the tropical sun which drenches the island housing Gil Martin. However, now that the Baroness has a regular supply of the 'cream dream' she is able to freely spend hours in the sunlight, often wearing snow shoes to lampoon her victory over the ultraviolet
*.
At the other end of the spectrum we have the story of Timmy Taylor, a down on his luck orphan from the back-streets of Buccaneers Den. From the very day Timmy was cast off by his birth parents, the child suffered from an acute case of Onomatopoeia, a condition thwacking at least four per cent of children out of the social spectrum
*. As the years whooshed by Timmy grew into a lonely and conversationally inept young man. As legend has it all this changed the day Taylor imbibed the dregs from a discarded
Rulk pitcher. The staff working that night said the young fellow immediately brightened and began to engage the patrons in conversation so considered it was as though something had suddenly clunked inside his head. Upon leaving the tavern Timmy was struck by the booming of thunder passing overhead and passers-by claim he ran into the night exclaiming at the top of his voice that he'd had an epiphany
*. Timmy later changed his name and went on to rule Britannia for a number of years, he now lives alone amongst vast piles of accumulated wealth and keeps a number of concubines
*.
Countless other factual tales tell of
Rulk conferring a variety of properties to the imbiber. Among those reported are strength, resistance to fire, untold beauty, great speed, intelligence, power over distant objects, nigh invulnerability and weight loss
*.
Ask yourself, can you afford to continue missing out...?
Kaleidoscopic: Perhaps the most enticing aspect of enjoying a fresh cold
Rulk is the beverages propensity for inducing hallucinogenic encounters. Regular drinkers cite the secret ingredients infused into the
Rulk Industries batch of the drink as the source of these mind-expanding adventures. Unlike the experiences of many nightshade smokers, the 'high' attained under the influence of
Rulk is completely clean; the mental faculties of the drinker are essentially cocooned from any detrimental effect. Of course, such mental journeys are not easy to come by. A person must drink at least their weight in
Rulk in order to reach the so called 'White Plateau'; the point at which the frontal cortex becomes receptive to a hallucinogenic influence
*.
Basically you can exist in the real world, or you can give it a
Rulk covered sheen, what'll it be....?
*Statement may contain ambiguous levels of accuracy, legitimacy or basis in fact.
Important considerations for any lover of alcohol, we think you'll agree.
So what can you expect to see from
Rulk Industries? At the moment we are ironing out a few minor financial quibbles and focusing on our business model. All across the realm
Rulk Industries employees are working fervently to bring the legendary beverage to the masses, in its original recipe and unsullied by poor workmanship. This is no small venture and will require a considerable investment in order to procure the finest brewing equipment. However,
Rulk Industries is proud to announce in this, the first of our promotional leaflets, that our Covian holdings are awaiting the delivery of those very contraptions. Interested parties can view the sketch below to get an impression of the manufacturing equipment
Rulk Industries will soon be utilising for the improvement of Britannia and her drinking public.
We respect that many of you representing legitimate business interests may wish to contact
Rulk Industries and begin negotiation of pricing for delivery or supply. To this end an office has been set up in Cove to facilitate enquiries of this nature. Visitors can expect to speak to a
Rulk representative at any time of the day or night, we operate year round from dawn till dusk
*. For those of you on a tight schedule the Covian office features a simple bulletin board where correspondence can be left for the attention of
Rulk Industries. You will generally receive a response within seven working days. A sketch has been provided to show the distance of our offices from the gates of Cove.
*Due to the high demand for
Rulk our representatives may be hard to reach, notably absent or completely unreachable.
We hope to meet many new business partners.
We hope to whet many more appetites.
We hope to quench your thirst.
But most importantly, we hope you'll.....
Reach for a Rulk™ !
THIS MESSAGE HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO YOU ON BEHALF OF RULK INDUSTRIES.
(A Valentine/Aylmer Production)
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