Report of the grape expedition to Yew
Led by;
Scout Corporal Kelly Valentine.
Attended by;
Dragoon Corporal Zoie Hayden.
Regular Arcanist Kas Valentine.
Regular Dragoon Thomas Sendrich.
Junior Scout Garand.
Guardsman Recruit Lenny Frostblade.
Church Servant Kal Shadowhand.
My report follows the carefully painted portrait of our adventures.....
I arrived late at the barracks only to be instructed by Miss Kelly to get rid of my armour and jog over to Minoc moongate. I obeyed at once and was soon lined up at the gate, ready for instructions. Kelly explained that we were heading into Yew to gather grapes in order to brew ourselves some fine white wine.
Our first stop once we arrived in the wooded town was to visit Empath Abbey and acquire ourselves some funds, just in case we needed to grease some Yewish palms. Zoie had to be dismissed at this point due to some pressing business, so we said our goodbyes and then got back to work.
With cash in hand we strode off towards the renowned stronghold of Stonekeep. We saw some strange goings on at the local farm on our way there, several sheep were fighting a single hound. I stepped in and told the shepherds to control their animals but they just smirked and began to cheer for the wooly devils.
Kelly Valentine: Drop it Kas theres nothing ewe can do.....
Garand (sniggering): Ho ho good one chief !
Kas Valentine: Deary deary me, shall we continue towards Stonekeep miss? They don't seem to want to stop fighting.
Kelly Valentine: Aye aye, but stow yer book eh Kas? We may be on good terms with the Yewish at the moment, but lets not take any chances.
Upon our arrival Garand, Lenny and I were directed towards the tavern while Kelly, Kal and Thomas went inside the barracks to discuss the issue of grapes with Yewish command. It wasn't long before they invaded our drinking session (I'd only had one bottle) and announced that Yew no longer controlled the winery, we would have to go to church and pray for the Avatar's permission.
I was a little slow to empty my bottle and get out the doors of the tavern so Garand and I ended up in Empath Abbey's chapel, feeling a little lonely. Deciding we'd made a mistake I took a chance and opened us a gate to Stonekeep where we proceeded to look for their church. However we were even worse at finding that and eventually gave up and returned to the Abbey, thankfully rejoining the other Covians.
Kelly Valentine: Ah there you are chaps, well look sharp eh...!? I want you all to run around the lines of the vines so yer get a little exercise. Once yer warmed up you may fill your pockets, and any containers you can find, with glorious grapes !
Kas Valentine: The Avatar granted our request then miss....?
Kelly Valentine: In a manner of speaking Valentine, we kind of knocked the candles over and set alight to the altar garments.
Kas Valentine (after an ever so slight pause): Gather the grapes and get out of Yew fast, received and understood chief.
With our laps complete we began to pick grapes with an almost religious fervour. Unfortunately due to my lack of armour the only container I could find were the garments under my kilt, so down the grapes went. Soon enough I had a bulge in my kilt that any hot blooded man would be proud of, and it was at exactly this point that the Yewish chose to arrive.
Sineal Walker: Everything turn out alright then....?
Thomas Sendrich: Oh yes sir !
Garand: Couldn't be better !
Kelly Valentine Fine grapes you have here !
Lenny Frostblade (while giving a thumbs up): Finest I've ever tasted !
Kal Shadowhand: Our thanks to the Avatar !
Sineal Walker: Well I'm ehhh, glad to hear it.....
Sineal and the other Yewish guardsman begin to notice Kas and his extended groinVerity Sands: He like gathering grapes more than the rest of you then...? He seems, ehhhh, terribly excited.
Kas cradles his groin with one hand, beams and then starts to say something only to be silenced by KellyKelly Valentine (moving in front of Kas): Oh he's just fine just fine, the Avatar's blessings work in mysterious ways.
Sineal Walker (sighing slightly and shaking his head): Very well, we'll leave you to it I suppose, enjoy your wine.
Sineal Walker leaves in the direction of Stonekeep, dragging various awe stricken recruitsKas Valentine: Blimey.
Kas relaxes and a single grape drops out the back of his kiltKelly Valentine: You nearly blew the whole deal there Valentine, pull yourself together !
Kelly elbows Kas between his legsKas Valentine (groaning): Oooooh my
nuts grapes.
Kelly Valentine (grimacing at the grape juice running down Kas's legs): S'get back to Cove and get this over with, hup hup.
We made our way to the moongate (I waddled) and were soon treading the road that links Minoc to Cove. Suddenly our noble recruit Lenny Frostblade tripped over and knocked his head quite seriously. He blacked out and we were forced to open a gate to Cove and carry him through to the tavern. Once inside he soon revived and warned us that if he were ever to black out again we should prepare ourselves as he is prone to violent episodes.
After advising the recruit to consult the church about his illness we exchanged our grapes (slightly squashed and smelly in my case) with Teagan Trix and toasted our victory.
Praise the Avatar for blessing us with such glorious fruit !
Signed in dirty handwriting with grape juice fingerprints here and there,
Regular Arcanist Kas Valentine.
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