jump on the bandwagon?

My character is fatter than yours, nana!

[*In Yew..*]

Guard= Brown
Dell= Blue
Comaley= Red
Prisoners= Green
Unknown Male Voice= Navy
Prior to his new dwelling in the Yewish prison, Dell was sentenced to a various of, in his mind, minor crimes; such as: public nudity, theft, abuse against several Covian guards, as well as a few allied foreign militia men, rudeness, drunkenness, stupidity, and largeness. Of course it didn't help by his constant need of juggling with painted balls or sharp objects and in the course of his sentence he was sent to the Yewian prison to serve a longer sentence with the most despicable and disgusting criminals in Yewish territory.

*In Yew..*

"Dell and Comaley, get up. Let's go."
"What?"
"Well, it's your lucky day today, pals. You're free."
"Pff.."
"Uh, what do you mean?"
"Yup, that's right you been pardoned. So come on get your shit
Let's go."
"What are you talking about, I don't understand?"
"Yup, Baron's pardoned you. Now come on, let's get the feck
out of here."
"Uh, uh, I'm free. Are yeh serious!?"
"Feck no, you got four more years, stupid ass. Hahahaha. Every
feckin' day, you fall for it. Feckin' stupid ass."

Meh..

[A song fills the prison corridor with two of the most familiar prisoners leading the choruses..]

When I get out, I'm going home to my Vesper nest
Going straight to my freaks and get undressed
And I'm a hit it like an insane chicken hawk
Hoochie, won't be able to walk

When I get out, I'm a run around town naked
Because my freedom feels good, I can't fake it
I let my nuts flop to the slip-slop
I wanna chop chop punk Yew flip flop

When I get out, I'm going to my mother's house
She gonna cook a steak and serve it with brussel sprouts
But I don't care, she can cook a mountain block
And I'm a chew it on up to the last rock

When I get out, I'm putting on my new boots
But I don't see anybody sportin' Covian hoots
And them wizaby skirts are history
But so what, I'm a sport mine like a D!

Dell and Comaley! Check it out y'all
Dell and Comaley! We gettin out y'all
Dell and Comaley! Check it out y'all
Dell and Comaley! We gettin out

When I get out, I'm going to the festivals
Cussing, rude, and scratching my testicles
Like we did before we got locked down
I'm coming back around, the Yewish frown!

When I get out, I'm a throw a party
And guess who shows up, nobody!
I just sit alone and pretend I play solitaire
I don't care, at least I won't be here

When I get out, I'm coming back to the bay
So I can breathe the fish stank, but that's okay
Cuz I'd much rather whif that shit
Then my cellmate Dell's funky armpits

When I get out, I'm heading straight to the Covian Seven
For a big long cold thing made from Heaven
And I'm a drink it down to the very end
After that, I eat the bottle that it came in

Dell and Comaley! Check it out y'all
Dell and Comaley! We gettin out y'all
Dell and Comaley! Check it out y'all
Dell and Comaley! We gettin out

"Yeah, let me call this broad up with the com crystal thing, tell her I'm getting out.
This is my baby, ya know what I'm saying."
"Hello?"
"What's up, baby, man, it's me."
"Hello!?"
"Wait a minute."
"James!?"
"Who the hell is this? WHO THE HELL IS THIS?!"

When I get out, I'm shooting someone in the head
Somebody been sleeping in my bed
I never thought my sweetheart would sell me out
Now I gotta walk up and smack her teeth out

When I get out, I'm back to the good life
So don't sweat me, Lord Protector D'Gar Fife
In the pen, I seen your Yewish friend butt son
Seen daddy like to use his butt some

When I get out, it's all about the tavern sound
I'll crawl back behind the bar and never be found
So when you order your fancy ass
You might see my eyeball looking at you through the glass

Dell and Comaley! Check it out y'all
Dell and Comaley! We gettin out y'all
Dell and Comaley! Check it out y'all
Dell and Comaley! We gettin out

I'm getting out, I'm getting out!

Old classic. 
<3

Huzzah!

Nice to have you onboard! Just watch out for Hoagie, he likes men.

I'm going to miss ya Faden! 
Take care, and don't wander to far off into that scary place often refered to as RL. 

"Ohhh, nakkid"
John rann off from the barracks letting himself flail freely in the summer night.

(OOC: Come back some day, ya hear?)

They should make lumberjacking good again. For all those vanilla warriors out there!

[Signed Senior Guardsman Tiberius Kane,On behalf of Regular Guardsman John Dell]

John and Tiberius walked up to his old trial, John dripping of drool and a fresh blood looked at the trial, and then back to Tiberius. Tiberius patted him on the should while laughing heartily.

"Looks like old Eason is a gonner again. Still doing these?"
"Yeh!"
"Let's type something up then."
"Yeh, ah know."

I, John Dell hereby declare myself fit and ready for active marine duty. I will resume in finishing my trials under the survailence of Commodore Arma Renox.

Items finished of the trial so far is:
One Attended Circuit Training

Signed Senior Guardsman Tiberius Kane,
On behalf of Regular Guardsman John Dell

Hello everyone!

I had fun in England! *Shocker* 

Me and Dit went to Manchester and went on a super fast roller coaster, it was well scary 

All in all: The Scottish hates the English, the English doesn't care. And Kelly is a real girl IRL.

 

(Also, I got addicted to Iron Brew!)

Post Criterion:
Name of character(s): John Dell!
Current Age: 30!
Class type:(Squad or weapon preference) Axe man berserker!
All pertanent info!! What does this mean?!

(OOC: Yay! Welcome back!  )

(OOC: Did you miss the end? Course not Fooled ya though didn't I!?)

It had been a hectic day for Dell, his last day. The rain had been pouring down that morning so when the sun broke out from the clouds later in the afternoon, the seeds in the grass had been shooting out and was glimmering in the sun shine. So what had happened before it all went down, before every memory flashed in front of his eyes, before he finally knew his purpose in life?

At the Swaggers, where he had been so many times before, John sat with his new found friend Jakob, enjoying his last ale before the incident. John noticed no difference from when he worked there as a tavern fool. The place still smelled of fresh woman scents. The ladies had some kind of secret scent that they used to lure the males to pay them great sums to sleep in their beds; John could never really grasp why one would pay shines for sleep when there's a whole forest to sleep in, that's free! Besides, one can spend it on ale instead. One might as well treat himself, who knows when it will be your last ale..

Later that day there was a church mass. Oh how John enjoyed the mass, as a zealous Avatarian he knew the importance of finding and punishing the heretics of the world, and especially Cove! After the usual jargon of the church men, and the groaning and muttering of the guardsmen and the church attendance was over, a punished Arkay and punishing templars, and tithing, the church was over once again, a bit longer for John at it would seem..

John, as he usually does each Sunday a few hours after mass, walked towards his beloved church to pray. As he opened the giant oak doors to the church he saw several Scout members, oh how hated those, and two templars discussing with them. He stood in the door looking at them when the templars hurryingly yelled at him to get out; John did as he was told. Of course, why wouldn't he?

A few moments later an elf that he hated, as he did them all, Kal Soulshadow stepped into the church, John instinctively followed as he would never trust an elf in the church's domain. He was however struck by a big shock, the templars told him to get out, yet allowed another elf into the halls of the church. John attempted to work his slow mind around it; why would they refuse a true Avatarian but allow four elves to stand with their disgusting selves in the sacred floor of the holy church? The templars chased John out armed with heavy weapons; well outside they beat him up, the elf eagerly helping them out.  John became furious; they attack and strike an Avatarian down, with the help of an elf?! They're not real templars, those are fake templars working for the elves, he thought to himself; what would be his some of his last thoughts of the day..

John returned after several hours to the church to get the praying done that he so outrageously was refused before. He stood and was just about to take his helmet of and begin his prayers when a templar knocked on his helmet..
it was the Avatarian traitors! Again they chased John out, armed to their teeth; this time it took a bit longer. John ran up to the barracks thinking his friends would help him chase the heathens away, such a mistake to make..

The templars ordered the guardsmen to take John down, responding at once, Dragoon Sergeant Hoagie Grayner charged at John, no one helped John, stabbed in the back on this his last day..

John escaped, barely but swore to get revenge. What else could this tall, less fortunate Avatarian zealot do?

John stood outside the barracks, and on came the Dragoon Sergeant atop his steed, with his back to John. Should he do it..? He did. John hurled himself at Hoagie, swinging his colossal axe in a vain attempt to lob his dome off. 
 
Hoagie fell to the ground and swiftly rolled over and around, now looking on at John and arming himself hastily. John executed a heavy blow to Hoagie’s shield, forcing him backward as he was struck with sheer strength and power. With every swing parried, Hoagie attempted to pierce Dell’s chest with the tip of his blade, though failed to reach. Hoagie proved too quick for John who relied on his brawn to knock Hoagie off his feet, but after each parry that Hoagie performed, John grew ever more fatigued. Hoagie knew that he needed to finish it soon before he to began tire.
 
John charged towards Hoagie in a final effort to gain the upper hand, swinging his axe at mid height with Hoagie in its path, who promptly stooped downward in avoidance, aiming his shield to John's legs. As John tumbled over his shield, Hoagie slashed his sword across John's chest, and watched him crash to the ground, and lie motionless..

Darkness closed in on Dell as he flew over he saw ale, and pie! The pie disappeared from his vision as into the mouth of a hungry guardsman. The ale grew smaller in size as well and slowly disappeared from his mind. Everything went blank and was no more..
The guardsmen surrounding the barracks took what they considered to be their previous and now fallen comrade to the healers, and then went back to their normal business.

…

…

…

As a new day dawned, Dell woke up and went to the Swaggers for some morning ale.